Wednesday, May 31, 2006
she dances yes,
but oh she dances all alone
the sharp click of my heels on the cold white tiled floor of the hotel
it was freezing
like how i felt on the inside
i went to the toilet back in the other building
the fancy hotel one was closed
i wanted to break
because i was holding it in,
i had been for so long.
and in the comfort of the small cubicle,
then i broke,
and cried it out
and cried and cried.
rehearsals have been absolutely amazing.
so much progress
so much feel
so much emotion, practice, action
DRAMA
be the scrat
i have to be the scrat!
vaunt, good boring
too much yada yada yada i'm sure most would agree
dance, place big
limited words here
i loved how i spent last night(:
and i can't help falling in love with my widdle buu over and over and over again
she's expressed in words,
more than i can, i swear
and for that,
thank you my darling buu
i carved i love you on my arm with a knife
they say time heals all wounds,
well the bleeding stopped and the carving scabbed over
but the scars' still there
just like my love for you
will always always be there
- xoxo
charis loves you
6:15 PM
(0) comments
Monday, May 29, 2006
there are some things that aren't meant to be understood
jealousy? no
it is this
this
knowing that everything's changed
that it's like,
we don't really know each other anymore
but then,
one year, two years
ten years and still,
the closest person can be a stranger
i really don't know what i'm saying here
so just,
don't ask me about any of this
i'm typing it out as it comes
i don't have the words for this
i don't even know what 'this' is
someone make this disappear please
- xoxo
charis loves you
8:08 PM
(1) comments
so i spent time with this little cutie.
she passed me tickets bla bla bla
first day of work was good,
it was great actually
even though i was late
work is really really slack in a really slack kinda way,
met my little darling vicky
she looks fucking hot,
especially with her new hair
but she's no more that cute little brace-face
she's lost her reason to be a bitch now
haha
whatever whatever
was in the train station with vicky and i suggested we feast on her new plastic hamster cage to pass time
so then we talked about how the acids inside would dissolve the plastic and metal and turn it into liquid
it'll eventually get to the duodenum, large intestine
where all the liquid will be absorbed so then when you're shitting you'll be shitting out plastic
this mostly came from vicky who is thee expert in biology
haha
oh yes,
so i suggested the plastic would take the form of the intestines (because vicky's idea of a hamster cage forming in your body is too weird)
and guess what,
when you shit it out it'll be like those loooong tubes in the hamster cage
you know,
those tubes which the hamsters just looove sliding down and going
"sqeeeeeaaaaak"
haha
so anyway,
vicky came to conclusion that you'll keep shitting out plastic
and it'll all pile up because it all comes outta your ass hole like a huge mega long plastic tube and it'll pile up in the toilet bowl so you'll end up tiptoeing as you shit.
HAHA
god you're so stupid stupid but thee most loveable in thee world my darling buu
im off for dinner!
i'll continue later
if i wanna
=D
stop the fake smile girl, just stop it now cos the tears will come
you know they will
- xoxo
charis loves you
7:21 PM
(0) comments
Saturday, May 27, 2006
i'm still up.
alastair baby's gonna kill me when he reads this
he's on the phone now
snoring away contentedly.
well i wouldn't know how contentedly actually,
he keeps rolling over the phone, knocking it about and leaning on buttons so i get loud and sudden BEEPS into my ear while typing out my script.
i'm off to bed soon!
diddums
because i never realized,
just how much i love you.
- xoxo
charis loves you
4:25 AM
(1) comments
so after i spent a while crying and journalling and cheating myself at my cell phone game,
i came back online because i had stuff to do
like real stuff
besides typing out words for you readers to read
haha
i've got to change my script,
type it out and mail it to dewei and somehow get it to rehearsal.
and dewei might not even be there
pfft
it'll be weird, with me waving my arms about to myself
so i'd say,
i was in and out of my little depressive hell hole pretty fast
alastair's up again
oh wait,
he said he's going back to sleep
i don't need a lot of things,
i can get by with nothing
with all the blessings life can bring
i've always needed something
but i've got all i want,
and when it comes to loving you
you're my only reason
you're my only truth
i need you like water,
like breath,
like rain
i need you like mercy from heaven's gate
there's a freedom in your arms
and it carries me through,
i need you what if, i told you i love you?
- xoxo
charis loves you
1:45 AM
(0) comments
Friday, May 26, 2006
Heart, all the hurt will soon be gone
if you,
if you'll just keep on being strong
you will always be my friend
so keep on hanging in
and we'll find love again
heart, i know i've been hard on you
i'm sorry
for the things i've put you through
please, don't you break on me
i need to make you see
it wasn't meant to be
- xoxo
charis loves you
11:33 PM
(0) comments
i don't want to,
i don't want to anymore
because things have changed,
do you see what i see?
this used to be fun,
it used to be sweet
i can't remember when this part came in
this feeling of defeat
fuck i don't understand,
it's all messed up in my head
i can't recall when i stopped expecting
i can't recall when i stopped wanting,
when i stopped asking
but i remember why
and that it was because i didn't want to be a dog
begging for a walk
a walk that i admit,
i really did, do need
but now it's hitting me,
reality's kicking in
i realize that i manage to do what i've wanted to do
i've managed to do
what i felt best
this had made me less expectant
less hopeful
but thinking about this now,
when just the other day i held back before i texted,
like i've found myself doing for quite a while now,
i realized
it hasn't made a difference
but then, we've got our own lives to live now havn't we?
**** ****
drugdrugdrug
i didn't quite understand this,
but then as i tried to come up with reasons for lovers not to be identified as drugs,
i found i proved myself wrong
drugdrugdrug
because,
i'm addicted to you
and i'm left wanting more, more and more
to a point i might say,
i can't live without you
i refuse to say i'm addicted,
i don't wanna be so dependent on something
(or someone)
because,
a little bit of you sends me on a high,
but temporarily
just temporarily
that temporary high can leave you feeling so cold
so alone
afterwards
but when you're on that high
it all seems so worth it
oh so worth it
it can be so painful though,
the side-effects that come with
you wake up with nightmares,
if not,
sweet dreams centre around you, it,
this feeling,
this drug,
my drug
cold turkey is so painful
you don't think you can make it
but you do
but then, it become nothing when you're faced again
once more,
you're hooked
oh, so hooked
on this feeling,
this drug,
my drug,
you some people want to be addicted,
they want to keep on being hooked
some don't but they can't help it
you see,
it, this feeling, this drug,
you
you're so wonderful
that when i'm at my worst,
when feelings are all screwed and messed up
and i just want to quit,
those feelings and thoughts completely dissolve
when i see your smile
another taste of you,
this feeling,
my drug
it's not all bad,
it's not supposed to be
because that high,
oh just that temporary high
is all it takes
for me to be addicted again
oh so so addicted
you're so good it hurts really, it is
you send me into fits of ecstacy,
i'm walking on clouds,
it feels like a dream
a dream, a dream, a dream
good feeling is gone,
too soon, too soon, too soon
and i'm left wanting more
more, more and more
i'm curled up,
crying
so addicted but i don't want to admit
i don't want to be addicted but i want to be too
tell me,
because i don't understand
i don't understand,
i don't understand
i'll never get over you
- xoxo
charis loves you
11:25 PM
(0) comments
so guess what,
the holidays are here
looong break from school
yay for me.
so anyway
i had stuff i actually wanted to blog about,
but everything just left my mind
kind of anyway
oh yes, coming back to me
today's society!
browsing through friendster,
and there's this new page where you get to see the most popular profiles
guess what,
clicking on that,
i'm hit with a page with pictures of half naked girl
in bikini tops that barely cover there tits
they're in next to nothing and the guys,
well they definitely are those with like 8 pecs or something
low slung jeans with branded boxers
so i'm thinking,
what the hell does that mean really?
that people you have to be naked to be popular?
i mean,
i don't have a problem with being naked
if those pictures all over friendster were from modelling shoots and properly taken like say,
bella's or something
(i might be biased or something here)
the thing is,
there are pictures, self-taken i might add,
of ugly girls in nothing
okay my problem isn't really that the girls don't look good
but i mean,
okay we all put good pictures up on friendster right?
so i don't get it when the focus of the picture is on a huge pair of fake double Ds instead of on your freakin face
and why does that make those kind of profiles the most popular?
it's sad that girls would degrade themselves to such a level
i mean,
go take naked pictures of yourself!
go on,
there's nothing wrong with it
but see,
unless your face looks like your boobs in a la perla,
i don't get why you should put it up on friendster so that guys can click and oggle at it and jack off
okay i don't really know what i'm talking about here
because i put pictures of my own nose piercing up and i admit,
i don't look much like that silver stud
i guess,
this was a very long winded way of expressing how disgusted i was at the sort of friendster profiles that were made popular
and it makes one think,
why were thos pages made popular?
okay, oh wells and whatever
i have more!
but i want lunch!
mmm
lunchie munchies
- xoxo
charis loves you
12:37 PM
(0) comments
What Religion is Your Bra?
A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife.”
”What type of bra?" asked the clerk.
Type?" inquires the man, "There's more than one type?”
”Look around," said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material imaginable. “Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four types of bras to choose from.”
Relieved, the man asked about the types.
The saleslady replied: “There are the Catholic, the Salvation Army, the Presbyterian, and the Baptist types. Which one would you prefer?”
Now totally befuddled, the man asked about the differences between them.
The Saleslady responded, "It is all really quite simple... The Catholic type supports the masses. The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen, The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright, and The Baptist makes mountains out of mole hills.”
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the letters used to define bra sizes? If you've wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for, it's about time you became informed!
A - Almost Boobs.
B - Barely there.
C - Can't Complain.
D - Dang.
DD - Double dang.
E - Enormous.
F - Fake.
G - Get a Reduction.
H - Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up.
They forgot the German bra.
Holtzemfromfloppen!
okay i should settle down to serious blogging
haha
but this is cute!
it is
- xoxo
charis loves you
12:35 PM
(0) comments
i love this blog!
it's called my boyfriend is a twat
haha
well, aren't they all?
anyone,
she's got a pair of sixteen year old twins and a twelve year old son.
apparently
a french boyfriend and she still finds time to blog
this is the best
a couple of quotes from a her hilarious twat of a boyfriend coming up,
i've linked her.
it's under random sweeties!
"me" would be zoe, the blogger
and tt is Quarsan who is the twat who is basically zoe's boyfriend
here goes:
me: "It feels like my wisdom tooth has popped up."
TT: "Well, it might 'uv done."
me: "Yes, but wouldn't that hurt ? And I can't shut my jaw properly.'
TT: "When did you last try ?"
Me: "You know Quarsan, I'm not sure about going to Paris on my own."
TT: "Why not ? You could take Sue to 'La Musée d'Orsay'."
Me: "Hell no - you know what I'm like - I'd get lost."
TT: "Zoe, you never get lost. I've been asking you to for the past 3 years."
Me: "Get off me, you twat."
TT: "Why ?"
Me: "'Coz I said so."
TT: "Well how about a bit of nibbling and chewing ?"
Me: "I'm not a piece of fucking meat, you know."
TT: "Damn, you could have saved me a trip to the supermarket."
Me: "Q, you're not wearing those again today."
TT: "Why not ?"
Me: "Because you love me, don't you ?."
TT: "Yes, but not enough to change my pants."
Me: "Quarsan, you've gone through more mobile phones during the 2 1/2 years that you've been here than I ever have."
TT: "Oh, that's due to all the hot and steamy SMSs that I send."
Me: "True. You do send a lot ..."
TT: "Not to you I don't."
Me: "Why do I love you, you lazy cunt ?"
TT: "Because you got the assembly instructions wrong."
Me: "No - you can't wear those pants, you wore them yesterday."
TT: "Yes, but it was a good day, so I'll wear them again today."
Me : "Christ, I feel bloated - and all I've had for supper is salad, it's so hot."
The Twat : "But it's because of the salad."
Me : "Ehh ?"
TT : "Obviously."
Me : "Obviously what ??"
TT : "The shape of the lettuce is flatish, but is curved, so it all builds up like that, making you look bloated."
Me : "Why is my son dressed up in cowboy trousers and an Indian top ?"
TT : "Because he's playing cowboys and Indians."
Me : "But he's dressed up in cowboy trousers and an Indian top. It doesn't make sense."
TT : "Yes it does. Maybe he's bi-western."
Me : "Oooo, Quarsan , you've been here for almost 2 1/2 years now. I obviously have this magnetic attraction."
TT : "You certainly do, darling. Shame none of it is positive."
Me : "It's a candle in remembrance of all those people suffering and being tortured all around the world."
TT : "Yes, and I think of myself everyday."
Me : "What did you tell him ?"
TT : "Zoe + alcohol + PMS= chaos."
haha
and that's just the tip of the ice berg
lotsa the stuff's really funny
hold on,
there's this really funy post you as well which you just have to read :
It was during a conversation on Skype last week that I suddenly realised that this is yet another short week in the wonderful country of Belgium, where everyone works long hours and even longer weeks.
"Oh great," I said, "we have next Thursday off. Is it a holiday in America too ?"
"No," came the reply, "what's the day off for this time ?"
"Oh, Ascension."
"What's that ?"
"When Jesus rose or something."
"Zoe, how many times did that man rise ?"
"Well, there was Easter, when he died and rose, then .... perhaps Ascension was when he woke up, or something."
[I'm hot on theology, you can tell. Impressive, isn't it.]
"Well the answer to your question is no, we don't get a holiday for whatever Jesus did back then."
"Oh. We get Friday off, too."
"What on earth is that for ?"
"The Day After Ascension - although it's not a public holiday, it's just to fill in the space."
That's when I Had A Very Good Idea. We need another Jesus to be born because that would give us two extra holidays a year, and then, in about 33 years time, we'd get about another four days when the second Jesus dies. So after a bit of consultation with my Skype-buddy, we decided that having a baby Jesus born every year would be a very good thing indeed, holiday-wise, although we may have to call the babies Jesus II, Jesus III and so on.
I even contemplated splitting the year in half, but that would only make us all older far too quickly, so we stuck to the re-birth of Jesus. Several times.
I don't think I'm going to make it to Heaven.
-posted by Zoe
haha
okay,
i've been meaning to blog,
like blog properly so i'll start.=D
- xoxo
charis loves you
11:12 AM
(0) comments
10-20= goodie good
21-30= a little rebeIIious
31-40= getting there
41-50= rebeI
51-60= bad kid
61-70= fuc10-20= goodie good
21-30= a little rebeIIious
31-40= getting there
41-50= rebeI
51-60= bad kid
61-70= fuckin bad a**
71-80= b!tch
81-90= d@mn
91-100= cant believe you made it this far
1) smoked (weed or cigs)
2) consumed alcohol
3) slept in the same bed with someone of the
opposite sex
4) slept in the same bed with someone of the
same sex
5) made out with someone of the opposite $ex
6) made out with someone of the same $ex
7) had someone in your room of the opposite $ex
8) watched p0rn
9) bought p0rn
10) done drugs
TOTAL: 8
11) taken pain killer
12) taken someone elses prescription medicine
13) lied to your parents
14) lied to a friend
15) snuck out of the house
16) done something illegal
17) cut yourself
18) hurt someone
19) wished someone to die
20) seen someone die
TOTAL: 9
21) missed curfew
22) stayed out all night
23) eaten a carton of ice cream by yourself
24) been to a therapist
25) been to rehab
26) dyed your hair
27) recieved a ticket
28) been in a wreck
29) been to a club
30) been to a bar
TOTAL: 5
31) been to a wild party
32) seen the Mardi Gras
34) had a spring break in Florida
35) sniffed anything
36) wore black nail polish
37) wore arm bands
38) wore t-shirts with band names
39) listened to rap
40) own a 50 cent cd
TOTAL: 5
41) dressed gothic
42) dressed prep
43) dressed punk
44) dressed grunge
45) stole something
46) been too drunk to remember anything
47) blacked out
48) fainted
49) had a crush on your neighbor
50) had someone sneak into your room
TOTAL: 6
51) snuck into some else's room
52) had a crush on someone of the same sex
53) been to a concert
54) dry humped someone
55) been called a sIut
56) called someone a sIut
57) installed speakers in your car
58) broke a mirror
59) showered at someone of the opposites sex's
house
60) brushed your teeth with someone elses
toothbrush
TOTAL: 9
61) consider ludacris your favorite rapper
62) seen an R rated movie in theaters
63) cruised the mall
64) skipped school
65) had an eating disorder
66) had an injury
67) gone to court
68) walked out of a restaurant without paying
69) caught something on fire
70) lied about your age
TOTAL: 6
71) owned an apartment
72) cheated on your boyfriend/girlfriend
73) cheated with someone
74) got in trouble with the police
75) talked to a stranger
76) hugged a stranger
77) kissed a stranger
78) rode in the car with a stranger
79) been sexuaIly harrassed
80) been verbally harrassed
TOTAL: 7
81) met face to face with someone you met online
82) stayed online for 12 hours straight
83) talked on the phone for more than 6 hours
straight
84) watched tv for 12 hours straight
85) been to a fair
86) been called a bad influence
87) cursed
88) prank called someone
89) laid in the bed with someone of the opposite
sex
90) cheated on a test
TOTAL: 8
91) cheated on homework
92) held hands with someone of the opposite sex
93) been pushed into a pool
94) played pool
95) watched 5 hours of mtv straight
96) had a crush on someone 10 years older than
you
97) had a crush on someone younger than you
98) wear eyeliner
99) skinny dipped
100) laughed at someone who was seriously hurt
TOTAL: 8
i'm a bitch
like i didn't already know that.
haha=D
- xoxo
charis loves you
10:52 AM
(0) comments
Thursday, May 25, 2006
ack
i'm supposed to have left for school forty minutes ago
ugh
i don't feel like going to school today
i really really don't
pfft
but i'll have to drag my butt over there for chinese,
i might end up missing art,
and most importantly (don't say anything about my priorities please)
most importantly,
those damn music marathon auditions
i don't quite know why they call em auditions
cos they're not auditions
they're like
i don't know
i thought with auditions,
groups will be kicked out if they're not good enough
not so,
the school's "auditions"
meant that the teacher in charge improves on whatever they've already gotten prepared
so then,
what if the group really sucks?
eh?
don't get it
whatever
i'm late and i havn't changed.
i love alastair!
i'm random, oh yes and don't i know it!
- xoxo
charis loves you
6:46 AM
(0) comments
way back then
and look at us now
looks like we made it(: HAPPY SIXTH MONTH MY DARLINGi know i'm late,
and this shoulda come way earlier
i'm sorry
hope you liked your present
i love and miss you so so so sooooo much hon,
you'll never ever ever know how much(:
can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you my darling,
i absolutely just can't wait.
been long hasn't it love?
so soon and it's half a year already.
or a year and a half
okay whatever
but it's still been long.
remember when we first started out?
haha
we'll make it baby,
i know we will.
happy sixth month
loving you with all my heart and soul,
charis vera ng
- xoxo
charis loves you
6:40 AM
(0) comments
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
You can only say YES or NO.*
* You are NOT ALLOWED to explain ANYTHING unless someone comments and asks!
1. Taken a picture naked? YES
2. Painted your room? NO
3. Made out with a member of the same sex? YES
4. Drove a car? YES
5. Danced in front of your mirror? YES
6. Had a crush? YES
7. Been dumped? YES
8. Stole money from friend? YES
9. Gotten in a car with people you just met? YES
10. Been in a fist fight? YES
11. Snuck out of your house? YES
12. Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back? YES
13. Been arrested? NO
14. Made out with a stranger? YES
15. Met up with a member of the opposite sex somewhere? YES
16. Left your house with out telling your parents? YES
17. Had a crush on your neighbour? NO
18. Ditched school to do something more fun? YES
19. Slept in a bed with a member of the same sex? YES
20. Seen someone die? NO
21. Been on a plane? YES
22. Kissed a picture? YES
23. Slept in until 3PM? YES
24. Love or miss someone right now? YES
25. Laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by? YES
26. Made a snow angel? YES
27. Played dress up? YES
28. Cheated while playing a game? YES
29. Been lonely? YES
30. Fallen asleep at work/school? YES
31. Been to a club? YES
32. Felt an earthquake? NO
33. Touched a snake? YES
34. Ran a red light? YES
35. Been suspended from school? NO
36. Had detention? YES
37. Been in a car accident? NO
38. Hated the way you look? YES
39. Witnessed a crime? YES
40. Pole danced? YES
41. Been lost? YES
42. Been to the opposite side of the country? YES
43. Felt like dying? YES
44. Cried yourself to sleep? YES
45. Sang karaoke? YES
46. Sucked your thumb? YES
47. Done something you told yourself you wouldn't do? YES
48. Laughed till some kind of beverage came out of your nose? YES
49. Caught a snowflake on your tongue? NO
50. Kissed in the rain? YES
51. Sing in the shower? YES
52. Made love in a park? NO
53. Had a dream that you married someone? YES
54. Glued your hand to something? YES
55. Got your tongue stuck to a flag pole? NO
56. Ever gone to school partially naked? NO
57. Been a cheerleader? YES
58. Sat on a roof top? YES
59. Didn't take a shower for a week? NO
60. Ever too scared to watch scary movies alone? YES
61. Played chicken? YES
62. Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? YES
63. Been told you're hot by a complete stranger? YES
64. Broken a bone? NO
65. Been easily amused? YES
66. Laugh so hard you cry? YES
67. Mooned/flashed someone? NO
68. Cheated on a test? YES
69. Forgotten someone's name? YES
70. Slept naked? YES
71. Gone skinny dipping in a pool? YES
72. Performed on stage? YES
73. Blacked out from drinking? NO
74. Played a prank on someone? YES
75. Gone to a late night movie? YES
76. Made love to anything not human? NO
77. Failed a class? YES
78. Choked on something you're not supposed to eat? NO
79. Played an instrument for more than 10 hours? NO
80. Cheated on a girl/boyfriend? YES
81. Did you celebrate the 4th of July? NO
82. Thrown strange objects? NO
83. Felt like killing someone? YES
84. Thought about running away? YES
85. Ran away? NO
86. Did drugs? NO
87. Had detention and not attend it? YES
88. Dumped anyone? YES
89. Made a parent cry? YES
90. Cried over someone? YES
91. Owned more than 5 sharpies? YES
92. Dated someone more than once? YES
93. Have/had a dog? NO
94. Own an instrument? YES
95. Been in a band? YES
96. Drank 25 sodas in a day? NO
97. Broken a cd? YES
98. Shot a gun? NO
99. Dated a married person of the opposite sex? NO
100. Written a love letter? YES
- xoxo
charis loves you
10:24 PM
(0) comments
i'm sorry i havn't been updating, do forgive me
i really havn't had much time to come online.
no kidding
haha
the weekend was good,
started rehearsals with y2y
i'm playing a bitchy horrible neighbour
went out with daddy on sunday
didn't really go as well as planned but oh wells
i'm not feeling too good now and will probably not go to school tomorrow
lets see,
what else
OH YES
i baked brownies yesterday(:
they're very very burnt but copeable with
like bird and her very high standards say :
"not bad for a first attempt"
attended a talk today at ACTS
shit i miss that place so fucking much
really
that's how much i miss it or i wouldn't swear
the talk was on the Judas Gospel and Da Vinci code
it was good, the talk
delifrance after that
now i'm home
zhihong called me the other day(:
and since i know he read my blog:
HELLOOOO ZHI HONGnow he's an exception cos he's overseas.
most of y'all in singapore so you know.(:
whatever whatever!
im utterly shattered from today
was falling asleep standing up in the train
alastair had to keep me from falling
he's a darling
sixth month on wednesdayyy(:
rehearsals on wednesday too
i'm a busybusy girl,
absolutely infected with busyness
cockroaches aren't nice pressies to give people
which was why we did what we did today=D
oh yes,
because she's worth it i'm tired and i've got stuff to do.
so another time
- xoxo
charis loves you
12:15 AM
(0) comments
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
today was okay
not much not much
bugis with buu and mom
henna shop was closed
chocolate cake
earrings and panties
i need to go get my art work done
because by tomorrow i have to produce a fabolouso piece of art work
i'm kinda peeved now
but i won't let it get to me
i'm off
go for club home y'all
today was a boring pissy day
yesterday was a wet with tears day
i'll guess tomorrow'll be better
which is a strange idea considering the woman with an offensive name is teaching me
i don't understand the school by the way
im so annoyed i wanna just
urgh
fuck la
i feel the frustration
they're out to get us man
they're fucking out to get us
dimbats
- xoxo
charis loves you
9:48 PM
(0) comments
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
yesterday and today in a nutshell
okay,
i have a lot to type about so i might even have to actully post a couple of times.
you know,
so that my dear readers,
like there are any,
won't like have a huuuge chunk of words to swallow.
okay
whatever whatever
i'll try to tell most of what i want to tell
diddums.
okay
okay
i should stop saying okay
let me breathe in and relive my anger
school sucked fuck today.
that's a sec one word by the way
i was using it when i was thirteen,okay
enough.
school sucked fuck today,
hey i havn't even talked about yesterday!
so yes,
let's start with yesterday
and i will put full names
and put full facts
and personal opinions
Mrs Adeline Ong,
my English teacher.
quite a few girls in our English class have not handed in their articles due
that includes me because,
in case anyone didn't notice,
i was absent thanks to the MC i got when i was forced to get a note from the doctors due to my absence from an hour's english class on tuesday when i was NOT,
i repeat, underline, emphasize,
NOTsupposed to be in school anyway.
of course,
she would never take that into consideration.
this said,
because she said she didn't care if i wasn't around the past week
when she asked where my work was and i said i hadn't typed it out yet,
she shook her head and said,
"big deduction of marks. big"
hey, the emphasis is on the word big
i told her i wasn't around last week to type it out
but she shot back with a "it's been due two weeks"
fact of the matter is everyone started typing it last week and i wasn't around to type it out
i tell her so, of course
and she goes, word for word i promise you,
"It's not my problem you weren't around to type it out. don't tell me you were absent, don't think of me as some kind of fool"
vicky, beside me calms me down,
tells me to take deep breaths. she suggests i hand in my draft
"can i just hand in my draaa..."
Mrs Ong cuts me off with,
"can you please address me properly instead of just shouting at me like that?"
tense pause,
obviously.
there's this silence i can hear and vicky can too.
i take a deep breath,switch on a formal accent
"Mrs Ong, may i hand this in even though it's not typewritten?"
i'm sure the whole class knows.
oh whatever.
so yes, that was yesterday's little event.
on top of which i went all the way to esplanade for a couple of art books and it all proved absolutely fruitless.
okay.
lets swing into today now.
vicky didn't come to school today
i never got a chance to say sorry,
so baby buu when you read this,
i'm sorry.
of course you're not a damned info counter
the speaker today was wonderful,
on the way to talk though,
topaki said my skirt was short.
my skirt?
mine ?
short?
so i told her i'd realter it and she asked for my name tag and wanted me to see her at the end of today or else the whole school would know about my too short uniform.
honestly,
not that anyone gives a damn
on top of the fact that my skirt is not short
much less kinky short
hello? my mother altered it for heaven's sake!
and it was hard work too considering my mother doesn't fucking sew
so thank you
Ms-i'm-sure-all-naughty-students-pay-to-get-their-uniform-altered-to-kinkyness
anyway whatever whatever
recess today,
bought food the usual way of course,
jumped right in.
but as i was more or less done paying for food and handing ann her plate,
there's this small squeal
like ohmygosh
or something,
and santi,
who i waved to earlier,
barges through and is like
"can you moooove"
i don't respond in any way besides frowing as i walk off
but you can tell ann na's pissed off
"forget it" i say,
she's a friend
oh but it doesn't end there
as we seat ourselves down,
it turns out that santi's sitting opposite us
she starts saying in a loud voice how annoyed she was
i figured it was because we cut her queue
of course,
ann can't resist fighting back when people are like this so with a
"she's very loud eh?"
in a louder voice,
i was the relatively quieter one because
"aiya, she's supposed to be my friend la"
but you see,
a friend wouldn't have done what she did,
as i slowly realized
okay you can be annoyed and go,
"oh c'mon do you have to cut MY queue"
but no,
reaction different
and as i noticed, and mummy pointed out,
for someone so pro-christianity,
that was not at all christian like.
her reaction i mean.
now the bible doesnt say anything about cutting queue
besides the point
i don't say much besides answering ann loudly,
"she's supposed to be a friend la"
calista and stacey come round,
of course ann would have to tell calista everything,
with
of course a,
"sorry ah, supposed to be charis' friend"
stacey being stacey with her very gorgeous stacey eyes,
i'm not being sarcastic here,
would of course,
look santi's way
need i say more?
so besides talk on how mark is after her,
and how he denied knowing amanda,
i walked off to buy drinks with my new problem gone
because you see,at the end of the day it's what a friend would do.
now if you put WWJD into it, would He have done what you did?well i cant say anything about my actions i admit, i don't think there were queues back then and when there were, it was to see Jesus Himself.
i'll lay off the holy stuff now.
okay,
event two,
because knowing Charis' eventful life,
how can that be the event of the day right?
Veronica had Gastric.
plain and simple.
gastric which caused her to double up in pain and prevented her from walking up the stairs or even long distances
we went to see Mrs Bhatia who allowed us to accompany her to the canteen because she can't lie down in the sick bay
given, that we were told to return to class once we sat her down
but you shoulda seen veronica's face,
all contorted in agony like that
you can't say she was acting,
this was real
painfully real for veronica
anyway,
Ms Kok said we cut class
demanded answers from veronica and shouted before an answer came out,
basically a tactic of course,
to make it seem like veronica is lying through her teeth
made a discipline case,
brought to ms Gan.
so i wrote my statement down.
it was this,
in a nutshell:
i said i hoped it would all go down in record,
i relayed the events, exact timing down to each minute
for the blank box labelled
'why you should be given a second chance'
iwrote,
a second chance?
it is not a second chance i ask for
if the school chooses to slap me with demerit points because i was too worried about my friend to leave her alone in the canteen, then there is nothing i can do.
it seems silly to disturb and take the canteen cleaners out of their work to ask them to look after my friend while i run up to math lesson to keep my ass out of hot soup. plus, the school has always taught us to put others before ourselves.
pretty much word for word.
so we were given the benefit of the doubt
let off
but i was told that should such a coincidence occur again,
no one would believe me
hell do i know that,
but how coincidental was today, pray tell?
okay, shall not harp on because i'm super uber annoyed with today
oh yes,
while standing outside the office and cutting off the threads which my mother had so very carefully sewn to make the hem barely visible on my uniform,
AF, like she always does, picking on girls outside the office,
said with contempt in her voice,
"why don't you just sit down!"
"because i can't" i answered.
dumbass bitch
okay,
end of today.
oh yes,
i accidentally cut my leg with my penknife during art.
it kinda slipped off the plastic bottle i was trying to cut and it cut through my uniform and cut my leg.
painful
but small
ah yes,
and i cut my fourth knuckle as well
i don't know how,
maybe the plastic did it
so yes,
i have successfully, in five days,
managed to
-stab myself with an earring stud, thus injuring under my third fingernail which still hurts
-cut my lef with a penknife
-cut my fourth knuckle with something or another
this hurts the most actually, especially with constant bending and unbending of my finger.
owww
mummy's pissed at today too.
and janice is annoying me,okay i should hand over the com
but hey,
she said she wanted to stab me in the back!
okay whatever
do i have anything more to say?
oh whatever,
this is more than an eyeful for a patient audience
i keep saying lotsa whatevers now
lovelove!
i'm still pissed,
trust me.
early night for me
- xoxo
charis loves you
8:30 PM
(1) comments
Sunday, May 14, 2006
because it's just another marked day,
where you made me cry
- xoxo
charis loves you
11:19 PM
(0) comments
"...i'm disposable to you, like a piece of tissue you blow your nose on"
Carrie, auditions
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAYlovely mother's day dinner
after a simple lunch and everything
went off in the afternoon to do this acting website shiat.
whatever whatever
back to school tomorrow,
starting to become a chore again because of mrs B and kok
"they just sit around all day piercing each other" - me
"yea,in more ways than one" - mom
guffaws
"huh? whaaat?" - janice
"sorry, inside joke" - me
more guffaws
"no pun intended!" - me
haha
oh whatever
snap my sex band babydisposable,like a piece of tissuebecause i don't want to be so needy.
and yet,
deep inside i know i am.
i am needy,
and it scares me
i don't want to need you so much
because it's so,
i'm not sure,
one sided.
in some ways
i'm changing i guess,
just a little in that way.
allowing myself to become someone so much less needy,
so much less needy of you
tears that freeze upon my cold cold heart
- xoxo
charis loves you
10:45 PM
(1) comments
courtesy of aidan(:
i emailed some of you guys, so read it again and enjoy.
i swear i did(:
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)
If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it!)
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!)
A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)
A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.)
(I'm still not over the pig.)
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour
(Don't try this at home,maybe at work)
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
("Honey, I'm home. What the....?!")
The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes..lucky pig! Can you imagine?)
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond? )
Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)
Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmmm......)
Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)
Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(okay, so that would be a good thing)
A cat's urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)
Starfish have no brains
(I know some people like that too.)
Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig??)
- xoxo
charis loves you
12:20 AM
(0) comments
Saturday, May 13, 2006
church was okay today,
empty,
but alright
i can't belive how tired i am!
after this i swear i'm going straight to bed
the audition was good
pretty much it,
is it me or my tiredness which is starting to make me feel depressed-ish
ah whatever
alastair's still at his choir retreat
won't see him for a long long while
that i do know
oh wells
i have this poem in my head
and i need to get it out soon or i'll either forget it or have too many ideas.
both outcomes,
bad
but i'm too sleepy and lazy to type it out,
or make an attempt to piece the words and meanings together
to form a poem
whatever
i keep saying whatever
i think it's a sign i'm fed up
and i'm moody too.
ugh
you walk around,
warming yourself in the cold.
and you realize,
that it's always like that anyway,
you always feel cold and alone,
the exact same time every saturday night.
there isn't much difference
forgive me,
it's the tiredness speaking
yea okay,
i admit
i miss alastair
but guess what,
i can't do anything about it
pathetic innit?
- xoxo
charis loves you
11:58 PM
(0) comments
Somewhere out there,
Beneath the pale blue night,
Someone's thinking of me,
And loving me tonight.
Somewhere out there,
Someone's saying a prayer,
Then we'll find one another,
In that big somewhere out there.
And even though I know how very far apart we are,
It helps to think we might be wishing
On the same bright star,
And when the night will start to sing
A lonesome lullaby,
It helps to think we're sleeping underneath the
Same big sky.
Somewhere out there,
If love can see us through,
Then, we'll be together,
Somewhere out there, out where dreams, come true.
And even though I know how very far apart we are,
It helps to think we might be wishing
On the same bright star,
And when the night will start to sing
A lonesome lullaby,
It helps to think we're sleeping underneath the
Same big sky.
Somewhere out there,
If love can see us through,
Then, we'll be together,
Somewhere out there, out where dreams, come true.because it still amazes me,
every single time,
how just 10 minutes on the phone with someone you love so much,
can dissolve the million mile distance between the two of you.
oh darling,
i really really do miss you,
but when the night will start to sing
a lonesome lullaby,
It helps to think we're sleeping underneath the same big sky. come back home sweetheart,
i'm missing you<3
shopping with buu was wonderful
and so was dinner at grapevine after that
yea,
and the playing with vicky's nanny's boobs(:
oooh nanny!
spank spank!
haha
whatever
i don't like the big somewhere out there!
- xoxo
charis loves you
1:19 AM
(0) comments
Friday, May 12, 2006
oh doctor!
an apple a day keeps the doctor away
if the doctor is cute,
throw the apple away trust my sister
haha
so anyway,
in case anyone's interested,
like anyone outta the few precious people who actually do read my blog,
i've set up another blog
purely for poems.
i realized i can be blogging,
and suddenly the words take a different form and suddenly become a poem
okay,
i'll take out the word suddenly
i usually don't think much of it til like a couple of years later
and i look back and see and think,
hey,
this is pretty damn deep for a 13year old kid
haha
the blog is under poetic poetry in my links(:
so go if you're interested
blablablaaa
babbling here
alastair's helping his daddy out with choir retreat
which makes me an extremely free,
lonely,
free girl this whole weekend
i'm spending buu quality time with my darling vicky today.
can't wait
possible auditions on either saturday or sunday
mummy's day celebration a day in advance tomorrow(:
okay im going off to bathe
swim through your veins like a fish in the sea
- xoxo
charis loves you
12:55 PM
(0) comments
Thursday, May 11, 2006
you're supposed to get below 60 points in total to be considered an angel.
1) smoked
2) consumed alcohol
3) slept in the same bed with someone of the opposite sex
4) slept in the same bed with someone of the same sex
5) made out with someone of the opposite sex
6) made out with someone of the same sex
7) had someone in your room of the opposite sex
8) watched porn
9) bought porn
10) done drugs
TOTAL: 7
11) taken pain killers
12) taken someone else's prescription medicine
13) lied to your parents
14) lied to a friend
15) snuck out of the house
16) done something illegal
17) cut yourself
18) hurt someone
19) wished someone to die
20) seen someone die
TOTAL: 9
21) missed curfew
22) stayed out all night
23) eaten a carton of ice cream by yourself
24) been to a therapist
25) been to rehab
26) dyed your hair
27) received a ticket
28) been in a wreck
29) been to a club
30) been to a bar
TOTAL: 5
31) been to a wild party
32) seen the Mardi Gras
34) had a spring break in Florida
35) sniffed anything
36) wore black nail polish
37) wore arm bands
38) wore t-shirts with band names
39) listened to rap
40) own a 50 cent CD
TOTAL: 5
41) dressed gothic
42) dressed prep
43) dressed punk
44) dressed grunge
45) stole something
46) been too drunk to remember anything
47) blacked out
48) fainted
49) had a crush on your neighbor
50) had someone sneak into your room
TOTAL: 6
51) snuck into someone else's room
52) had a crush on someone of the same sex
53) been to a concert
54) dry humped someone
55) been called a slut
56) called someone a slut
57) installed speakers in your car
58) broke a mirror
59) showered at someone of the opposites sex's house
60) brushed your teeth with someone elses toothbrush
TOTAL: 9
61) consider Mac, Dre, e40 or Mistah Fab your favorite rapper
62) seen an R rated movie in theaters
63) cruised the mall
64) skipped school
65) had an eating disorder
66) had an injury
67) gone to court
68) walked out of a restaurant without paying
69) caught something on fire
70) lied about your age
TOTAL: 6
71) owned an apartment
72) cheated on your boyfriend/girlfriend
73) cheated with someone
74) got in trouble with the police
75) talked to a stranger
76) hugged a stranger
77) kissed a stranger
78) rode in the car with a stranger
79) been sexually harassed
80) been verbally harassed
TOTAL: 5
81) met face to face with someone you met online
82) stayed online for 12 hours straight
83) talked on the phone for more than 6 hours straight
84) watched TV for 12 hours straight
85) been to a fair
86) been called a bad influence
87) cursed
88) prank called someone
89) laid in the bed with someone of the opposite sex
90) cheated on a test
TOTAL: 7
91) cheated on homework
92) held hands with someone of the opposite sex
93) been pushed into a pool
94) played pool
95) watched 5 hours of mtv straight
96) had a crush on someone 10 years older than you
97) had a crush on someone younger than you
98) wear eyeliner
99) skinny dipped
100) laughed at someone who was seriously hurt
TOTAL: 9
Total: 68!
i'm not aaall thaaat bad(:
- xoxo
charis loves you
1:00 AM
(0) comments
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
oh come on,
how can this NOT be perfect?
hmmm?
<3
a 72% perfect life[x] You know someone that cares about
you.
[x] You have a
boyfriend/girlfriend/fiance/husband/wife
[x]You have your own room.
[x] You own a cell phone.
[ ] You get good grades.
[ ] You have an ipod/ mp3 player.
[ ] Your parents are still married.
[x] You have more than 2 best friends.
[ ] There is a swimming pool in your
backyard.
[ ] You live in a house.
T O T A L: 5
[x] You dress how you want to.
[x] You hang out with friends more than
once a
week.
[ ] There is a computer/ laptop in your
room.
[x] You have never been beaten up.
[ ] You never cry more than twice a
month.
[x] You are allowed to listen to the music
you
want to.
[x] Your room is big enough for you.
[ ] People don't use you for something
you have.
[x] You have been to a concert.
[x] You laugh more than twice a day.
T O T A L: 7
[x] You have over 100 friends on
friendster.
[x] You have pictures on friendster.
[x] You get allowance.
[x] You collect something normal.
[ ] People don't make fun of you to be
mean.
[x] You look foward to go to school/work.
[x] You don't wish you were someone else.
[x] You play a sport.
[x] You do something after school/work.
[x] You shower daily.
T O T A L: 9
[ ] You own a car.
[x] You usually don't fight with your
parents.
[x] You're healthy.
[ ] You've never had a cavity.
[x] You are happy with your appearance.
[ ] You aren't self-consious at all.
[ ] You have never got a failing grade in
your life.
[x] You have friends.
[x] You have so many inside jokes with
friends.
[x] You know your parents care and love
you.
T O T A L: 6
[x] You know what is going on in the
world.
[x] You care about sooo many people.
[x] You are happy with your life.
[x] You usually aren't sick.
[x] You know more than one language.
[x] You have a screen name.
[ ]You own a pet.
[x] You know the words to more than 5
songs.
[x] You don't have any enemies
[x] You are happy you're living.
T O T A L: 9
add up the numbers and multiply it by two
you have a ___% perfect life
i have a 72% perfect life
- xoxo
charis loves you
4:05 PM
(0) comments
ohohoh!
my blog thingie can be entered into now(:
yay.
so i'm home,
alone.
talking and singing to myself.
still a little bit too sick to busy myself with excercise.
or maybe that's just an excuse
anyway,
did a couple of really nice pictures yesterday(:
i think this week is really really relaxing for me.
whoopeedoo
i browsed through all my old testimonials
and they really made me smile
i guess these are the small things which are special
it take just a few minutes to write a testimonial or two
and we hardly think much about it
but a couple of years down the line,
the recepient of that testimonial looks back,
and smiles.
it's more than just things like
"tis ger ish veh enthu"
it's things like
"don't care about that bitch and that william hung guy.
how's unbaked bread?baked already?" -bird
or stuff like
"i love you" -vick
it's these tiny tiny things
which take barely a minute to type out,
yet they mean so very much.
anyway,
you guys ought ta check out my pictures(:
cos i actually spent time uploading them.
haha
wheee
oh whatever
they're under the link,
picture perfect
okay
i think i'd better be off
vicky's home today as well
oh yes,
i'm home today,
because when i missed english yesterday,
mrs O and mrs B wouldn't belive how i could have diahorrea in the toilet for a whole hour.
thinking of it,
it really isn't hard to belive.
i mean you come out,
and you're hit with another bout of tummy ache
50 mins passes very fast when you're running in and out of the toilet like that
but whatever
B called mummy
and she made the mistake of implicating that my mom always covers for me.
it's pretty stupid actually
and they were extremely unreasonable because they demanded that i get a doctor's note to cover my absence in english class.
hello?
pay my twelve bucks for me and maybe i will.
but well,
they didn't and i still went to the docs anyway
you see,
it's pretty fucking stupid if you think about it
unless they check they drainage system in the toilets to see if anyone had diahorrea,
there isn't anything to prove that i had diahorrea
eve if i went to the doctors,
they won't shove their fingers up my ass and check to see if i had diahorrea that day and then go to the trouble of giving me an excuse slip for my absence in english class
anyway,
mummy was pretty damned cheesed off
i mean,
fuck i'm trying my best,
i've been coming to school for like two,three weeks in a row AT LEAST
my point is,
even if i did cut class,
i wasn't even supposed to be in school to begin with!
i was supposed to leave after the math test
i stayed for the last fifteen minutes of art
and this is what i fucking get for defying my mc and coming to school,
that i'm told i cut class
when i'm supposed to be outta school anyway
mrs O:
if you're in the toilet having diahorrea for a whole hour,
you should be at home!
me:
(annoyed)
er, that's why i'm getting my release form signed so i can go home
mrs B didn't believe me, and she said she was disappointed.
mrs O said that "this had happened so many times,"
she doesn't know what to believe
FY fucking I,
this is only the second time it's happened,
that i've missed her class
the first time was on a wednesday in term 1 when i came to school late and she didn't believe me
what the hell does she want?
i hate english,
but still i work hard and i topped the class for the last test.
as off today,
i've got articles written out for her dumbass newspaper assignment
i swear i love school,
it's just a lot of teachers that i detest
their friggin unreasonableness.
oh and by the way,
i won't be performing for the mother's day dinner
simply just because i won't be attending the dinner itself and neither will my mom.
figure that out.
when i'm perfectly alright with performing and then just disappearing
- xoxo
charis loves you
3:40 PM
(0) comments
i don't know what's wrong with my blog
i have a feeling it's my computer
i can get onto my blog
but it doesn't show the posts and everything
and vicky's only shows her last post and the gorgeous picture of one of Drapes' masterpiece
damndamndamn
alastair's blog is the only one which doesnt seem to have a problem.
ah hah
-narrows eyes
alastair honey, can you tell i'm narrowing my eyes at you?
if you can't,
I'M NARROWING MY EYES AT YOU
and on top of that,
testimonials from a new friend of mine have
MYSTERIOUSLY DISAPPEARED
they're actually still there
except,
on the first page it says
"testimonial 1-1"
on the next page it says
"testimonial 6-10"
weird eh?
and i don't eve know if this thing will come out
or maybe it will and i won't be able to read it.
pfft
screwy blog and friendster
- xoxo
charis loves you
1:40 PM
(0) comments
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
You are 20% Good and 80% Bad
You're a total bad girl, from your wild hair to tattooed toes.
But you're too badass to even care if you're labeled "bad"!
haha
whatever
- xoxo
charis loves you
6:22 PM
(0) comments
it just amazes me,
how teachers can be so damned unreasonable sometimes
long story
and i don't want to put it up here
but im veryvery cross and pissed off
and so is mummy
bad move school,
don't mess with a pissed off mom
mummy wants me to take tomorrow off
wow
i might as well not go to school this week
haha
throw your pompoms into the air honey cos
TESTS INFINITO
<3
i love
on second thought,
i'll probably blog later to whine about everything
- xoxo
charis loves you
3:30 PM
(0) comments
| You Are Smokin' Hot |
You're a terrible flirt, a sharp dresser, and a party animal.
Of course, you're totally sizzling too. And for you, being hot just comes naturally. |
- xoxo
charis loves you
2:34 PM
(0) comments
Sunday, May 07, 2006
Father, hear my prayer
I need the perfect words
Words that he will hear
And know they're straight from You
I don't know what to say
I only know it hurts
To see my only friend slowly fade away
So maybe this time I'll speak the words of life
With Your fire in my eyes
But that old familiar fear is tearing at my words
What am I so afraid of?
'Cause here I go again
Talkin 'bout the rain
And mulling over things that won't live past today
And as I dance around the truth
Time is not his friend
This might be my last chance to tell him
That You love Him
But here I go again, here I go again
Lord, You love him so, You gave Your only Son
If he will just believe; he will never die
But how then will he know what he has never heard
Lord he has never seen mirrored in my life
This might be my last chance to tell him
That You love him
This might be my last chance to tell him
That You love him
You love him, You love him
What Am I so afraid
What am I so afraid
What am I so afraid of?
How then will he know
What he has never heardhonestly,
it's a beautiful song
it really is
and i sense the message she tries to bring across to me
but the thing is
this is absolutely pointless
and futile
i'm not going off the edge
if she was a close friend of mine right now,
she'd know that
she'd see that im changing for the better
but you see,
i'm tired of needing, wanting to change for different people
i've said it once
and i'll say it so many more times if you like,
i don't,
and i won't change for anyone
my walk with the Lord,
is admittedly,
slow
but i'm still growing
ad i'm still stumbling,
my steps faltering
but isn't it the same with anyone?
even if you're a prophet,
your walk with God is an everyday thing.
you can't say you're so much better than other people
okay,
i dont think that's what she's trying to say
but oh fuck i don't know
i know He loves me
i do
see,
the way we live our lives are different
i don't need you to tell me how wrong i am and how bad a person i've become
i don't need you to tell me that im not living my life for God
i don't need that,
i really don't
i understand you care
and i understand your concern
but i really don't need to have christian rules and regulations thrown into my face
no one sinner is better than the other
i've got a fever
- xoxo
charis loves you
10:55 PM
(0) comments
| Your Kissing Purity Score: 46% Pure |
You're not one to kiss and tell...
But word is, you kiss pretty well. |
- xoxo
charis loves you
10:39 PM
(0) comments
because at the end of the day,
i know who i'm in love with.santi wanted me to listen to some song.
the sample i heard wasn't it
it was different from the lyrics i was staring at
some christian thing
santi
don't.
no more please
just fucking stop
so i was chatting online with you again
and again it turned out the same
except this time i was tired
i was fucking tired
of you
i'm not yours,
and i'll never be
and since you seemed to want to be friends,
i was up for that
and who's the one saying
furthermore i'll be busy
look whatever
today's a badbad day
and a hot friend of mine just got together with his very hot friend
no faaair
not that i liked him
but yea well
one less hot guy available
though im sure everyone felt the same when alastair was taken(:
i know i did!
haha
i'm sick
for real
- xoxo
charis loves you
10:10 PM
(0) comments
Friday, May 05, 2006
because i cannot believe
how time flies
i cannot believe
how soon until
you know,
i didn't even get to say goodbye
she left today,
michelle
that night of her party,
when she was all upset
i thought if she moved,
maybe it meant she'd move end of this year
i didn't think it'd all be so sudden
so so sudden
i havn't really talked to her much since the party
i remember being so drunk,
she helped carry me back to the chalet.
alastair wanting to pimp
haha
i remember we promised
we promised we'd go clubbing that next week!
we never did of course
you forget little promises like that
she had new testimonials,
i saw
i dropped her one myself
i said she ought to call me when her exams were over
we were supposed to go clubbing together
yea i noticed all her testimonials were sad
but i thought it was cos they just heard the news of her moving to the states,
if her mom meant it for real this time
i went to her blog
and saw all her confusion
and then her tagboard
a friend said she was missing her,
though it was only two hours
nonono,
i was saying to myself
this can't be
it can't bloody fucking be
i called her cell
it said the line no longer was available
i couldn't believe it,
i felt this surge inside me
and i didn't want it to be true
i called leslie's cell
"please let her laugh at me and say michelle's not going nowhere,
please please please"
zoe picked up
and i stammered
all i said was
"did..
did michelle really go?"
"yea, yea she did"
and i couldn't believe it,
i really really couldn't
i met her last year,
i still remember, in a club,
i remember how she was there for me
she was here one minute,
and gone the next
i didn't get to say goodbye
but you know what the worst part was?
it was that she left today,
this afternoon
i missed her by a few hours
and i was still stupidly writing her a testimonial saying she should call me to go clubbing
suddenly,
suddenly it feels like everything's gone
i only knew her last year!
we were supposed to go get drunk together more often!
we were supposed to
oh we were supposed to
i miss michelle so much already
and i think i got snappy with alastair
i'm sorry my darling
you know,
you never think it like that
it's always a
"tomorrow i'll give her a call"
but tomorrow never comes
and suddenly,
i'm crying like a baby
realizing what a good friend she was to me even though we weren't that close
i miss michelle,
i really really do
so what if there's emails and friendster
so what?
so what if i'll be in the same country as her and possibly within driving distance?
so what?
i didn't get to give her a last hug
and say goodbye
the last time i saw her,
the last time i hugged her and said goodbye,
i never thought it would be the last time i'd hug her and say goodbye
i never thought
but we never do,
do we?
i miss you michelle
- xoxo
charis loves you
6:50 PM
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picture taken by yours truly(:
how could i have forgotten to mention this:
i did well for chinese
i didn't pass
but give me an extra half an hour or so
(yea right. like that'll ever happen)
and i might just've passed
whee
huge improvement for me
bio today was honestly better than i expected
i didn't really study so i figured i'd probably flunk like crap
but the thing is the mcq turned out wayy easier than chem
i aimed to get full ten marks for that
especially because the later part of the paper really sucked
i guessed(correctly, mind you)
that constituent A and B
was water and fats respectively
but the next questions then asked what the functions of these constituents were
of course,
well duh,
i didn't know
so i said that water hydrates us
and fats
fats fats fats
haha
hold on please, while i laugh to myself for a bit
i put
"fats keep us warm"
which TECHNICALLY is correct
but i didn't know that
and i just kept thinking my answer made us humans sound like seals
you know,
seals who have blubber to insulate them and keep them warm
so underneath my answer,
i wrote in brackets
"sounds like a seal and it's blubber"
dory asked later if ms sem said anything about it
no, she didn't actually.
i think she was too upset that i did so badly
well, for me it's an improvement
of course i could've gotten more if i actually studied
but you know,
the end of the test week so
slacking off a bit already
didn't study as much as i would've like to
but it's good i studied the little bit i did
or i would't have gotten any marks whatsoever
ms sem said this definitely wasn't my best
and i ought to do a lot better
so yes,
i will TRY HARDER(:
ms sem is really inspiring
she always has such high hopes in all her students
the science head actually said that the paper was too hard
but ms sem thought nothing of it
"why would it be hard? i've taught you all i have to so it'll be fine if you study what i tell you to"
was her response
she said it wasn't too good cos obviously the science head didn't think we were all that capable
so yea well,
that's ms sem for you(:
math's gonna pull my whole average down next week by the way
not like the average isn't already low enough
but there you go
that's what you get if you miss lotsa school
and the teacher makes you hate the subject more
whatever
i won't make excuses for myself
watched two movies/shows whatever you call it,
in school today
futurama with ms ang
this chinese show with ms sem
it's a good show
it's at the good part right now
but,
as always,
the bell had to go and ring itself
pfft
auntie Regina's over right now
her strong accent reminds me of auntie Esther
which makes me really really miss UK
i wanna go hoooome:(
and i wanna go to my other hooome,
which would be the US
and and aaaand
like i said in the quiz down below,
i wanna be on my damned honeymoon in Hawaii!
not that hawaii's a confirmed place but
yea well
- xoxo
charis loves you
5:55 PM
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i just checked out the lyrics of Ashlee Simpson's L.O.V.E
a habit of mine when i get to really liking a song
it's a good song by the way
for those who think it's a pointless bimbo song which spells out
"i lubch euu",
it's not
it talks about girls seeing each other through
when their boyfriend are being complete bitches
kinda like christina and lil kim's
can't hold us down
yeaa, i'm talkin' bout love
- xoxo
charis loves you
5:30 PM
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i'd give you my world,
though you'd never ask
i gave you my soul
i knew that we would last
but though i know
you love me so
i wonder how much
i do mean to you
baby i love you
i'll never leave
this feeling is so true
it's hard to believe
i never knew something
could feel so right
i wonder if love does
make you blind
(does it make you blind?)
i'd give you my love
more than you would need
you're more than enough
with you i am complete
and though i feel
your love is real
i can't help but wonder
if we'll make it through
baby i love you
i'll never leave
this feeling is so true
it's hard to believe
i never knew something
could feel so right
i wonder if love does
make you blind
oh
but i don't care
about these words,
really
i need to know
my world is ours,
baby
just tell me now
& i'll belive you
honey
cos
baby i love you
i'll never leave
this feeling is so true
it's hard to believe
i never knew something
could feel so right
i wonder if love does
make you blind
- xoxo
charis loves you
5:20 PM
(0) comments
of buu's and rach's
Four jobs you've had in your life
1. a babysitter. believe me,it was tough
2. an acting lesbian. or a non-lesbian in a lesbian relationship
3. storyteller. well i still am. it's not really a job actually
4. full time girlfriend
4 movies you could watch over and over
1. SHREK
2.my best friend's wedding (all time fav)
3. titanic
4. Moulin Rouge
4 TV shows you love(d) to watch
1. Nanny
2. Committed
3. My wife and kids
4. Golden Girls
4 places you've lived
1. London SE 9, Mottingham
2. Scotland, Baberton, Edinburgh
3. Pasir Ris,Street 21
4. Pasir Ris Dr.6
4 places you've been on vacation to
1. Florida
2. Los Angeles
3. Reno
4. France
4 places you would rather be
1. in bed, studying BIO
2. Los Angeles, definitely
3. back in UK perhaps
4. on my damned honeymoon in Hawaii
4 of your favourite foods
1. SUSHI
2. curry chicken
3. five star chicken rice(:
4. In 'n' Outs (fast food is nothing compared to this baby)
4 websites you visit daily
1. friendster.com
2. withlove-me
3. newbster
4. hotmail
4tagged
1. moooresykins
2. stacey
3. En ci
4. no one else has had such an honour.
joke of the day:
well it happened yesterday actually
mommie:
it's like opening a can of worms
me:
yesyes, like opening Pandora's box
janice:
who's Pandora?
mom and i stiffle laughters,
well mummy actually fails miserably and collapses on the table shaking with silent laughter
janice:
oh wait, yes. i remember her
more laughs
it's 12am
didn't i say two hours ago i was going to study bio?
dammit
i need to sleep soon too
- xoxo
charis loves you
12:15 AM
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Thursday, May 04, 2006
suddenly time seems to pass so slow
when i find out
tonight i'll be alone
suddenly everything's going wrong
nothing that's left
to look forward to
sunniest skies
have turned cold and grey
all because i
won't see you today
ohoh
the skies change their
colour for you
you make the birds
sing a different tune
you calm the whiniest
child down
you make me smile
when i've got a frown
bio, once again
here i come
after i blog a few more times about pointless,
senseless,
random things
- xoxo
charis loves you
10:59 PM
(0) comments
i'm doodling now,
my attention's gone
i can't pay attention
my brain is so worn
i'm growing tired,
i need a break
but the more you're present
the more you dedicate
the tests are nearly over,
i'm finishing my race
the holidays are so close
but still i'll have to wait
i can almost smell my freedom
though school isn't all that bad
i'm just growing weary
school's not as easy as that
there's something inside me
i'll soon have to let out
my inner monster's desperate for freedom
she wants to scream and shout
my head is starting to spin
the air is close and still
the warmth is suffocating me
and in my mind, there's really just
zilch i think today's destress was really really good for me
i'd just have died otherwise
goodess me
i'm so tired
i'm brain dead
it's 10.40pm as im typing this and
i still have biology to study for!
dumdeedum
i'm making progress in art!
ah hah
at long last
chemistry was harder than i thought
dammit
been outta practice so long,
i've forgotten what is what
oh yes,
i was extremely pissed off yesterday.
i do not think this country is a gracious society.
no, not in the least.
but you know what?
and i do believe in this by the way,
that PL will make a difference to this country.
do it a hell lotta good.
least we'll say "excuse me"
most of us will
instead of shoving past people and blaming them.
i remember way back then when i was really young.
i think i just started out in sec1 or i might even have been in primary school,
the principal got an email commenting on PL-lites queueing up to get on the bus instead of charging forward
and i was prouder than ever to be in the school i was
sure i hate the belt being so high,
and some teachers obviously picking on you.
but all in all,
i do love my school.
i promised myself,
and even told alastair,
that when i'm 25,
we HAVE to come back to Singapore
because PL will be 100 years old and the vault will be opened then.
that's how much PL means to be
sure we complain,
and i'll always always always detest waking up at 5 bloody AM, but then,
it's like that with all the schools no?
biology here i come
after i bathe
do situps
rest my eyes(kidding about that one)
- xoxo
charis loves you
10:50 PM
(0) comments
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
The page is blank,
she has to write
but what, and why?
who, and how?
It's senior year,
she has to change
it's her last chance
to play in the game
& so she laughed louder,
swore a bit more
she would not longer be
that quiet girl next door
she knew the secret
to get herself in
everyone wanted to,
it wasn't a sin
"must make our faces
vizards to our hearts"
it seemed just so simple
she'd play this game smart
but the poor girl was wrong
it wasn't like that
that so wasn't cool
just desperate, and sad
she had a false front
it was just a facade
no one would come
to her little masquerade
She cried at night,
she didn't know how
she wanted popularity,
but look at her now
she hated herself
but she didn't know why
she fell against the summer breeze
as she took her own life
sadly, she was remembered
as the Suicide Girl
her name was forgotten
as was her fake little world.this baby's copyrighted,
and i own the copyrights(:
true innit?
true, so true
- xoxo
charis loves you
4:40 PM
(0) comments
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
for 11 and a half hours, alastair hadn't contacted me
i was worried sick and 9pm seems abit too late for tennis
my mind ran wild, i didn't know what could've happened.
what if he'd been on his way home and gotten hurt?
i called shiyun so i could reach weiwen,
of course, only ending up in embarrassing myself when he texted back
but when he finally did text back,
i couldn't help crying just that little bit
im not very sure why even now
but the relief
oh my word, the relief
and i thought so many things could've happened to him,
i go so scared, so worried.
i wondered what would've happened if something bad had happened,
i imagined so many things while trying desperately to call.
my phonebook doesnt have any of his friends besides wen and i guess i was rather annoyed at myself and upset that i couldn't ask his friends
i called his home
not much help honestly speaking
but when i realized he was alright,
i realized too
just how much he meant to me
i realized how worried i could get
and how i wouldn't know what to do
if something bad really did happen to him
and i realized how much i loved him
i realized
just how important he was to me
so this is love
mmmmmhmmm
so this love
my heart has wings
mmmmmhmmmmm
and i can fly
- xoxo
charis loves you
10:35 PM
(0) comments
my laptop's back.
yay
recess with rach and santi
this is where it all starts you see
mirror mirror on the wall
have i got it?
cos mirror you've always told me
who i am
i'm findin it's not easy
to be perfect
so sorry,
you wont define me
sorry,
you don't own me
who are you to tell me that i'm
less than what i should be
who are you?!
who are you?
i dont need to listen
to the list of things i should do
i won't try
no,
i won't try
mirror i am seeing
a new reflection
i'm lookin into the eyes
of who you made me
and through Him
i have beauty beyond compare
i know
He defines me
who are you to tell me that i'm
less than what i should be
who are you?!
who are you?
i dont need to listen
to the list of things i should do
i won't try
no,
i won't try
so tell me,
how many times you've wondered who you are
looked in the mirror and asked yourself
"what am i becoming"
or
"what have i become"?
a friend thought i had changed for the worse,
didn't stop to think that i could've changed for the worse and am only just climbing back on track.
in my honest opinion,
i don't think i've ever changed for the worse
what i became and have become is all part of my growing up.
and aren't we all?
at 80 you can decide you wanna have more fun with your life and you party the rest of your life away.
my point is that,
we're all growing up.
we all continue to look for ourselves,
journey of self discovery as we grow up
i'm not saying i've found myself completely and utterly
no,
far from it
but isn't that the whole fun of adolesence?
to find yourself?
if you click on the tab which says .her.
you'll read just the beginning of how i grew up.
i had a looong looong talk with my friend
and i started to get defensive
defensive and upset
i felt that the last time she knew me was when i was in primary 6
which is true
and it's been three years now
people change
you definitely change when you get into secondary school.
in primary 6 i swore a bit,
but i swore a lot more in sec1.
i puctuated every sentece with "fuck" or "dammit"
went on swear diets with vicky,
and seeing victor suddenly stop swearing made me want to pipe down as well.
so in last year i started swearing less.
and you can really notice the difference
and im pleased with myself
and i really admire vicky who i think has stopped swearing a lot.
but then,
these kind of conversations come up
and you start to wonder.
i started getting used to mummy saying "Language!" in a warning tone whenever i swore.
she used to swear a whole lot too.
now whenever i swear,
for a reason not good enough
alastair frowns
or he'd go "baby do you have to swear"
it seems okay if i swear because i'm angry,
or if i forgot something,
it's not okay if i swear because i bang by toe against the chair and the word
"fuck" comes out loud and harsh especially over the phone.
so yea,
i've been piping down my swearing
and then today,
my friend claimed she was grossed out
she said i wasn't behaving myself
she said i wasn't myself and i contradicted my own beliefs
i told her once,
that you can't try to be cool.
the more you try the more unyourself you are
and that's the worst.
she claimed i was speaking with an accent,
an accent that she had never heard before.
she said she was disgusted when i said fuck because a fork flew off rach's plate.
hello,
automatic reaction
especially cos the fork could've hit vicky.
but yea,
she said i was being someone i wasn't
it's things like these,
statements like these which make me go back and wonder
am i really being myself?
and i ask myself now,
am i?
KID,MY SWEET & SILENT SUICIDE PLAN, JUDGEMENTAL PEOPLE ARE MAGGOTS OF THIS WORLD FUCK,JUST END MY LIFE says:
then if thats the prob then correct what YOU think is wrong,dont care about what others has to say,
KID,MY SWEET & SILENT SUICIDE PLAN, JUDGEMENTAL PEOPLE ARE MAGGOTS OF THIS WORLD FUCK,JUST END MY LIFE says:
be yourself,
yours truly//- when you start to de-exist says:
that's what i've always said!
yours truly//- when you start to de-exist says:
be yourself
yours truly//- when you start to de-exist says:
and i've been myself
KID,MY SWEET & SILENT SUICIDE PLAN, JUDGEMENTAL PEOPLE ARE MAGGOTS OF THIS WORLD FUCK,JUST END MY LIFE says:
then dont think about it alright?
KID,MY SWEET & SILENT SUICIDE PLAN, JUDGEMENTAL PEOPLE ARE MAGGOTS OF THIS WORLD FUCK,JUST END MY LIFE says:
be yourself,do not let others change you
KID,MY SWEET & SILENT SUICIDE PLAN, JUDGEMENTAL PEOPLE ARE MAGGOTS OF THIS WORLD FUCK,JUST END MY LIFE says:
alright?
and i thought about it,
and i realized,
i've always made sure no one changes for me and i don't change for anyone.
and i havn't changed for anyone
and that's what's important to me.
swearing too much isn't good and i've piped down
but i am what i am and i am who i am right now
because i want to be
this isn't a masquerade,
im not putting on a fake front
i'm not swearing because it's cool
because like duh, swearing isn't cool
i'm not pretending to be someone i'm not,
i don't pick fights
and i don't always do things to attract attention.
simple action like me changing my spectacles should tell you and show you that i'm toning down now.
i'm sorry if i've seemed proud or like the school bitch.
i'm not,
you've gotta get to know me.
no one is cooler than the next,
no one is more popular than another.
everyone is different
some hate attention
and some bask in it
don't judge,
and don't assume people are putting on fake fronts,
pretending to be something they're not
like i said,
this isn't a masquerade
but people still wear masks
maybe you're the one wearing a mask and it's become such a part of you that you think those without masks, those real people are the ones putting on a fake front.
pauline doesn't like me
she says i have a rather proud aire
i still think she's really pretty and sweet believe it or not,
because of my first impression of her.
i think she's really nice it's just that she doesn't know me and i don't really know her.
her first impression of me was formed way before my first impression of her was.
and it's hard to change first impression
her first impression of me was a proud bitch
my first impression of her was a pretty sweet girl in harp
but at the end of the day,
don't judge a book by its cover
don't change for other people and don't make other people change for you.
that's what's important
and that's what counts the most
i know, He defines me
- xoxo
charis loves you
7:58 PM
(0) comments
she dances yes,
peeeeektooores!(: