with |ove; me

Friday, May 26, 2006

i love this blog!
it's called my boyfriend is a twat
haha
well, aren't they all?

anyone,
she's got a pair of sixteen year old twins and a twelve year old son.
apparently
a french boyfriend and she still finds time to blog

this is the best

a couple of quotes from a her hilarious twat of a boyfriend coming up,
i've linked her.
it's under random sweeties!

"me" would be zoe, the blogger
and tt is Quarsan who is the twat who is basically zoe's boyfriend
here goes:

me: "It feels like my wisdom tooth has popped up."
TT: "Well, it might 'uv done."
me: "Yes, but wouldn't that hurt ? And I can't shut my jaw properly.'
TT: "When did you last try ?"

Me: "You know Quarsan, I'm not sure about going to Paris on my own."
TT: "Why not ? You could take Sue to 'La Musée d'Orsay'."
Me: "Hell no - you know what I'm like - I'd get lost."
TT: "Zoe, you never get lost. I've been asking you to for the past 3 years."

Me: "Get off me, you twat."
TT: "Why ?"
Me: "'Coz I said so."
TT: "Well how about a bit of nibbling and chewing ?"
Me: "I'm not a piece of fucking meat, you know."
TT: "Damn, you could have saved me a trip to the supermarket."

Me: "Q, you're not wearing those again today."
TT: "Why not ?"
Me: "Because you love me, don't you ?."
TT: "Yes, but not enough to change my pants."

Me: "Quarsan, you've gone through more mobile phones during the 2 1/2 years that you've been here than I ever have."
TT: "Oh, that's due to all the hot and steamy SMSs that I send."
Me: "True. You do send a lot ..."
TT: "Not to you I don't."

Me: "Why do I love you, you lazy cunt ?"
TT: "Because you got the assembly instructions wrong."

Me: "No - you can't wear those pants, you wore them yesterday."
TT: "Yes, but it was a good day, so I'll wear them again today."

Me : "Christ, I feel bloated - and all I've had for supper is salad, it's so hot."
The Twat : "But it's because of the salad."
Me : "Ehh ?"
TT : "Obviously."
Me : "Obviously what ??"
TT : "The shape of the lettuce is flatish, but is curved, so it all builds up like that, making you look bloated."

Me : "Why is my son dressed up in cowboy trousers and an Indian top ?"
TT : "Because he's playing cowboys and Indians."
Me : "But he's dressed up in cowboy trousers and an Indian top. It doesn't make sense."
TT : "Yes it does. Maybe he's bi-western."

Me : "Oooo, Quarsan , you've been here for almost 2 1/2 years now. I obviously have this magnetic attraction."
TT : "You certainly do, darling. Shame none of it is positive."

Me : "It's a candle in remembrance of all those people suffering and being tortured all around the world."
TT : "Yes, and I think of myself everyday."

Me : "What did you tell him ?"
TT : "Zoe + alcohol + PMS= chaos."

haha
and that's just the tip of the ice berg
lotsa the stuff's really funny

hold on,
there's this really funy post you as well which you just have to read :

It was during a conversation on Skype last week that I suddenly realised that this is yet another short week in the wonderful country of Belgium, where everyone works long hours and even longer weeks.

"Oh great," I said, "we have next Thursday off. Is it a holiday in America too ?"
"No," came the reply, "what's the day off for this time ?"
"Oh, Ascension."
"What's that ?"
"When Jesus rose or something."
"Zoe, how many times did that man rise ?"
"Well, there was Easter, when he died and rose, then .... perhaps Ascension was when he woke up, or something."

[I'm hot on theology, you can tell. Impressive, isn't it.]

"Well the answer to your question is no, we don't get a holiday for whatever Jesus did back then."
"Oh. We get Friday off, too."
"What on earth is that for ?"
"The Day After Ascension - although it's not a public holiday, it's just to fill in the space."

That's when I Had A Very Good Idea. We need another Jesus to be born because that would give us two extra holidays a year, and then, in about 33 years time, we'd get about another four days when the second Jesus dies. So after a bit of consultation with my Skype-buddy, we decided that having a baby Jesus born every year would be a very good thing indeed, holiday-wise, although we may have to call the babies Jesus II, Jesus III and so on.

I even contemplated splitting the year in half, but that would only make us all older far too quickly, so we stuck to the re-birth of Jesus. Several times.

I don't think I'm going to make it to Heaven.

-posted by Zoe

haha

okay,
i've been meaning to blog,
like blog properly so i'll start.=D

- xoxo
charis loves you
11:12 AM

Comments: Post a Comment

only yours baby

i'm charis vera Ng,
i'm NOT a Singaporean, i was born in UK
but i spent most of my four years in scotland
i love alastair(:
i'm doing my best to live for God though i often fail miserably

ok,try this:
you're this girl who's flown over to this country when you're no more than four years of age
you resent your dad for it,
and it doesn't help when things between your parents don't work out either.

so you miss your home terribly,
you miss going strawberry-picking,
you miss eating boiled eggs out of egg-cups
and you miss warm and cuddly Uncle John and Aunty Esther.

instead,
you find yourself forced to change
and adapt in a horribly hot place
where in primary school,
you meet cold,heartless little kids who ignore you and don't let you play "family"
just cos your accent is different.
early on,
you get weird looks and you find yourself going for recess breaks alone.
your classmates complain to the class teacher when you call them stupid
because they don't understand what to you is simple english.
but they leave you alone when you call them an imbecile
because they don't know what it means.
your primary 1 & 2 class teacher takes joy in complaining to your mummy
because she detests you.
she detests you for constantly correcting her english grammer and pronunciation in front of the class
you soon realize that you can actually gain and keep friends upon them finding out your mother's an actress
but by that time you've more or less forced yourself to lose your accent which makes communication a lot easier anyway.

that was the little girl charis,
now,
on top of that,
i can be a total biotch sometimes, towards people.
and don't tell me you aren't sometimes please.
but i try my very best not to bitch about people.
im a dangerous shopper(=
i never know what i want or need til i see it.

i don't like television.
now that's a first innit?HAH.
bet you never knew someone who didn't like tv
well i don't
and i'm not trying to be different and difficult
it's noisy and boring
i like music:)
i find eating a chore but i love snacking
figure that out
i find certain kinds of pain addictive,
no, i promise i'm still sane.

which is actually pretty remarkable for someone living here,
in this time and place
where you normally get loads of homework,
tests with questions that look like they're in foreign language,
and where everything's a competition to be the best,
the prettiest,
the most popular,
the most hated,
the thinnest,
the fattest, the coolest
the list goes on.
one shouldn't try to be something you're not,
but everyone knows that's easier said than done.
like duurh.