with |ove; me

Thursday, May 04, 2006

i'm doodling now,
my attention's gone
i can't pay attention
my brain is so worn

i'm growing tired,
i need a break
but the more you're present
the more you dedicate

the tests are nearly over,
i'm finishing my race
the holidays are so close
but still i'll have to wait

i can almost smell my freedom
though school isn't all that bad
i'm just growing weary
school's not as easy as that

there's something inside me
i'll soon have to let out
my inner monster's desperate for freedom
she wants to scream and shout

my head is starting to spin
the air is close and still
the warmth is suffocating me
and in my mind, there's really just
zilch

i think today's destress was really really good for me
i'd just have died otherwise
goodess me
i'm so tired
i'm brain dead
it's 10.40pm as im typing this and
i still have biology to study for!

dumdeedum
i'm making progress in art!
ah hah
at long last
chemistry was harder than i thought
dammit
been outta practice so long,
i've forgotten what is what

oh yes,
i was extremely pissed off yesterday.
i do not think this country is a gracious society.
no, not in the least.
but you know what?
and i do believe in this by the way,
that PL will make a difference to this country.
do it a hell lotta good.

least we'll say "excuse me"
most of us will
instead of shoving past people and blaming them.

i remember way back then when i was really young.
i think i just started out in sec1 or i might even have been in primary school,
the principal got an email commenting on PL-lites queueing up to get on the bus instead of charging forward
and i was prouder than ever to be in the school i was
sure i hate the belt being so high,
and some teachers obviously picking on you.
but all in all,
i do love my school.

i promised myself,
and even told alastair,
that when i'm 25,
we HAVE to come back to Singapore
because PL will be 100 years old and the vault will be opened then.
that's how much PL means to be
sure we complain,
and i'll always always always detest waking up at 5 bloody AM, but then,
it's like that with all the schools no?

biology here i come
after i bathe
do situps
rest my eyes(kidding about that one)

- xoxo
charis loves you
10:50 PM

Comments: Post a Comment

only yours baby

i'm charis vera Ng,
i'm NOT a Singaporean, i was born in UK
but i spent most of my four years in scotland
i love alastair(:
i'm doing my best to live for God though i often fail miserably

ok,try this:
you're this girl who's flown over to this country when you're no more than four years of age
you resent your dad for it,
and it doesn't help when things between your parents don't work out either.

so you miss your home terribly,
you miss going strawberry-picking,
you miss eating boiled eggs out of egg-cups
and you miss warm and cuddly Uncle John and Aunty Esther.

instead,
you find yourself forced to change
and adapt in a horribly hot place
where in primary school,
you meet cold,heartless little kids who ignore you and don't let you play "family"
just cos your accent is different.
early on,
you get weird looks and you find yourself going for recess breaks alone.
your classmates complain to the class teacher when you call them stupid
because they don't understand what to you is simple english.
but they leave you alone when you call them an imbecile
because they don't know what it means.
your primary 1 & 2 class teacher takes joy in complaining to your mummy
because she detests you.
she detests you for constantly correcting her english grammer and pronunciation in front of the class
you soon realize that you can actually gain and keep friends upon them finding out your mother's an actress
but by that time you've more or less forced yourself to lose your accent which makes communication a lot easier anyway.

that was the little girl charis,
now,
on top of that,
i can be a total biotch sometimes, towards people.
and don't tell me you aren't sometimes please.
but i try my very best not to bitch about people.
im a dangerous shopper(=
i never know what i want or need til i see it.

i don't like television.
now that's a first innit?HAH.
bet you never knew someone who didn't like tv
well i don't
and i'm not trying to be different and difficult
it's noisy and boring
i like music:)
i find eating a chore but i love snacking
figure that out
i find certain kinds of pain addictive,
no, i promise i'm still sane.

which is actually pretty remarkable for someone living here,
in this time and place
where you normally get loads of homework,
tests with questions that look like they're in foreign language,
and where everything's a competition to be the best,
the prettiest,
the most popular,
the most hated,
the thinnest,
the fattest, the coolest
the list goes on.
one shouldn't try to be something you're not,
but everyone knows that's easier said than done.
like duurh.