with |ove; me

Friday, May 26, 2006

i don't want to,
i don't want to anymore

because things have changed,
do you see what i see?

this used to be fun,
it used to be sweet
i can't remember when this part came in
this feeling of defeat

fuck i don't understand,
it's all messed up in my head

i can't recall when i stopped expecting
i can't recall when i stopped wanting,
when i stopped asking
but i remember why
and that it was because i didn't want to be a dog
begging for a walk
a walk that i admit,
i really did, do need

but now it's hitting me,
reality's kicking in
i realize that i manage to do what i've wanted to do
i've managed to do
what i felt best
this had made me less expectant
less hopeful

but thinking about this now,
when just the other day i held back before i texted,
like i've found myself doing for quite a while now,
i realized
it hasn't made a difference

but then, we've got our own lives to live now havn't we?

**** ****

drugdrugdrug

i didn't quite understand this,
but then as i tried to come up with reasons for lovers not to be identified as drugs,
i found i proved myself wrong

drugdrugdrug

because,
i'm addicted to you
and i'm left wanting more, more and more
to a point i might say,
i can't live without you

i refuse to say i'm addicted,
i don't wanna be so dependent on something
(or someone)

because,
a little bit of you sends me on a high,
but temporarily
just temporarily
that temporary high can leave you feeling so cold
so alone
afterwards
but when you're on that high
it all seems so worth it

oh so worth it

it can be so painful though,
the side-effects that come with
you wake up with nightmares,
if not,
sweet dreams centre around you, it,
this feeling,
this drug,
my drug

cold turkey is so painful
you don't think you can make it
but you do
but then, it become nothing when you're faced again
once more,
you're hooked
oh, so hooked
on this feeling,
this drug,
my drug,
you

some people want to be addicted,
they want to keep on being hooked
some don't but they can't help it

you see,
it, this feeling, this drug,
you
you're so wonderful
that when i'm at my worst,
when feelings are all screwed and messed up
and i just want to quit,
those feelings and thoughts completely dissolve
when i see your smile
another taste of you,
this feeling,
my drug

it's not all bad,
it's not supposed to be
because that high,
oh just that temporary high
is all it takes
for me to be addicted again

oh so so addicted

you're so good it hurts
really, it is

you send me into fits of ecstacy,
i'm walking on clouds,
it feels like a dream
a dream, a dream, a dream
good feeling is gone,
too soon, too soon, too soon
and i'm left wanting more
more, more and more

i'm curled up,
crying
so addicted but i don't want to admit
i don't want to be addicted but i want to be too

tell me,
because i don't understand
i don't understand,
i don't understand

i'll never get over you

- xoxo
charis loves you
11:25 PM

Comments: Post a Comment

only yours baby

i'm charis vera Ng,
i'm NOT a Singaporean, i was born in UK
but i spent most of my four years in scotland
i love alastair(:
i'm doing my best to live for God though i often fail miserably

ok,try this:
you're this girl who's flown over to this country when you're no more than four years of age
you resent your dad for it,
and it doesn't help when things between your parents don't work out either.

so you miss your home terribly,
you miss going strawberry-picking,
you miss eating boiled eggs out of egg-cups
and you miss warm and cuddly Uncle John and Aunty Esther.

instead,
you find yourself forced to change
and adapt in a horribly hot place
where in primary school,
you meet cold,heartless little kids who ignore you and don't let you play "family"
just cos your accent is different.
early on,
you get weird looks and you find yourself going for recess breaks alone.
your classmates complain to the class teacher when you call them stupid
because they don't understand what to you is simple english.
but they leave you alone when you call them an imbecile
because they don't know what it means.
your primary 1 & 2 class teacher takes joy in complaining to your mummy
because she detests you.
she detests you for constantly correcting her english grammer and pronunciation in front of the class
you soon realize that you can actually gain and keep friends upon them finding out your mother's an actress
but by that time you've more or less forced yourself to lose your accent which makes communication a lot easier anyway.

that was the little girl charis,
now,
on top of that,
i can be a total biotch sometimes, towards people.
and don't tell me you aren't sometimes please.
but i try my very best not to bitch about people.
im a dangerous shopper(=
i never know what i want or need til i see it.

i don't like television.
now that's a first innit?HAH.
bet you never knew someone who didn't like tv
well i don't
and i'm not trying to be different and difficult
it's noisy and boring
i like music:)
i find eating a chore but i love snacking
figure that out
i find certain kinds of pain addictive,
no, i promise i'm still sane.

which is actually pretty remarkable for someone living here,
in this time and place
where you normally get loads of homework,
tests with questions that look like they're in foreign language,
and where everything's a competition to be the best,
the prettiest,
the most popular,
the most hated,
the thinnest,
the fattest, the coolest
the list goes on.
one shouldn't try to be something you're not,
but everyone knows that's easier said than done.
like duurh.