with |ove; me

Friday, May 05, 2006

because i cannot believe
how time flies
i cannot believe
how soon until

you know,
i didn't even get to say goodbye

she left today,
michelle
that night of her party,
when she was all upset
i thought if she moved,
maybe it meant she'd move end of this year

i didn't think it'd all be so sudden
so so sudden
i havn't really talked to her much since the party
i remember being so drunk,
she helped carry me back to the chalet.

alastair wanting to pimp
haha
i remember we promised
we promised we'd go clubbing that next week!
we never did of course
you forget little promises like that

she had new testimonials,
i saw
i dropped her one myself
i said she ought to call me when her exams were over
we were supposed to go clubbing together

yea i noticed all her testimonials were sad
but i thought it was cos they just heard the news of her moving to the states,
if her mom meant it for real this time

i went to her blog
and saw all her confusion
and then her tagboard
a friend said she was missing her,
though it was only two hours

nonono,
i was saying to myself
this can't be
it can't bloody fucking be

i called her cell
it said the line no longer was available
i couldn't believe it,
i felt this surge inside me
and i didn't want it to be true

i called leslie's cell
"please let her laugh at me and say michelle's not going nowhere,
please please please"
zoe picked up
and i stammered
all i said was

"did..
did michelle really go?"

"yea, yea she did"

and i couldn't believe it,
i really really couldn't

i met her last year,
i still remember, in a club,
i remember how she was there for me

she was here one minute,
and gone the next
i didn't get to say goodbye

but you know what the worst part was?
it was that she left today,
this afternoon
i missed her by a few hours
and i was still stupidly writing her a testimonial saying she should call me to go clubbing

suddenly,
suddenly it feels like everything's gone
i only knew her last year!
we were supposed to go get drunk together more often!
we were supposed to
oh we were supposed to

i miss michelle so much already

and i think i got snappy with alastair
i'm sorry my darling

you know,
you never think it like that
it's always a
"tomorrow i'll give her a call"
but tomorrow never comes
and suddenly,
i'm crying like a baby
realizing what a good friend she was to me even though we weren't that close

i miss michelle,
i really really do

so what if there's emails and friendster
so what?
so what if i'll be in the same country as her and possibly within driving distance?
so what?
i didn't get to give her a last hug
and say goodbye

the last time i saw her,
the last time i hugged her and said goodbye,
i never thought it would be the last time i'd hug her and say goodbye

i never thought
but we never do,
do we?

i miss you michelle

- xoxo
charis loves you
6:50 PM

Comments: Post a Comment

only yours baby

i'm charis vera Ng,
i'm NOT a Singaporean, i was born in UK
but i spent most of my four years in scotland
i love alastair(:
i'm doing my best to live for God though i often fail miserably

ok,try this:
you're this girl who's flown over to this country when you're no more than four years of age
you resent your dad for it,
and it doesn't help when things between your parents don't work out either.

so you miss your home terribly,
you miss going strawberry-picking,
you miss eating boiled eggs out of egg-cups
and you miss warm and cuddly Uncle John and Aunty Esther.

instead,
you find yourself forced to change
and adapt in a horribly hot place
where in primary school,
you meet cold,heartless little kids who ignore you and don't let you play "family"
just cos your accent is different.
early on,
you get weird looks and you find yourself going for recess breaks alone.
your classmates complain to the class teacher when you call them stupid
because they don't understand what to you is simple english.
but they leave you alone when you call them an imbecile
because they don't know what it means.
your primary 1 & 2 class teacher takes joy in complaining to your mummy
because she detests you.
she detests you for constantly correcting her english grammer and pronunciation in front of the class
you soon realize that you can actually gain and keep friends upon them finding out your mother's an actress
but by that time you've more or less forced yourself to lose your accent which makes communication a lot easier anyway.

that was the little girl charis,
now,
on top of that,
i can be a total biotch sometimes, towards people.
and don't tell me you aren't sometimes please.
but i try my very best not to bitch about people.
im a dangerous shopper(=
i never know what i want or need til i see it.

i don't like television.
now that's a first innit?HAH.
bet you never knew someone who didn't like tv
well i don't
and i'm not trying to be different and difficult
it's noisy and boring
i like music:)
i find eating a chore but i love snacking
figure that out
i find certain kinds of pain addictive,
no, i promise i'm still sane.

which is actually pretty remarkable for someone living here,
in this time and place
where you normally get loads of homework,
tests with questions that look like they're in foreign language,
and where everything's a competition to be the best,
the prettiest,
the most popular,
the most hated,
the thinnest,
the fattest, the coolest
the list goes on.
one shouldn't try to be something you're not,
but everyone knows that's easier said than done.
like duurh.