Wednesday, September 27, 2006
the tears cannot stop falling
for the love i lost today
the colour of the rainbow's gone
my sky has turned to grey
- xoxo
charis loves you
10:33 PM
(0) comments
in such.a.state.of.shock
that actually
i.don't.know.what.to.do.
think.or.say
so i would never ask you
i wouldn't even try
think what you think
and say what you will
decide if my words are lies
but it's sad how it can be so obvious
i wonder what i'd feel
if i could
oh my god
i really can't think
anymore and i want this
to just stop
i'd scream if you'd notice
but really, i don't know
anymore
kill me please
let me breathe
without thinking of this
accusative stares
and beautifully pointed fingers
writing this down
before you even know i know it
i don't wanna fall to pieces
i just wanna sit and stare at you
it's messed
but i know how it looks
so i won't say anything
nothing at all
i studied today at vicky's(:
state.of.shock
- xoxo
charis loves you
9:54 PM
(0) comments
(x) smoked a cigarette
( ) crashed a friend's car
( ) stolen a car
(x) been in love
(x) been dumped
(x) shoplifted
( ) been fired
( ) been in a fist fight
(x) snuck out of your parent's house
(x) had feelings for someone who didn't have them back
( ) been arrested ( Well.. Not exactly arrested..)
( ) gone on a blind date
(x) lied to a friend
(x) skipped school
( ) seen someone die
(x) had a crush on one of your internet friends
( )been to Canada
( ) been to Mexico
(x) been on a plane
( ) purposely set a part of yourself on fire
(x) eaten sushi
(x) been skiing
(x) been at a concert
(x) taken painkillers
(x) love someone or miss someone right now
(x) laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by
(x)made a snow angel
(x) had a tea party
(x) flown a kite
(x) built a sand castle
(x) gone puddle jumping
(x) played dress up
(x) jumped into a pile of leaves
(x) gone sledding
(x) cheated while playing a game
(x) been lonely
(x) fallen asleep at work/school
(x) used a fake ID
(x) watched the sun set
( ) felt an earthquake
( ) slept beneath the stars(at a beach, sandbugs join you and move too much)
(x) been tickled
(x) been robbed
(x) been misunderstood
(x) petted a reindeer/goat/kangaroo
(x) won a contest
(x) run a red light/stop sign
( ) been suspended from school
( ) been in a car crash
( ) had braces
(x) felt like an outcast/third person
( ) eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night(that's horrible)
(x) had deja vu
( )danced in the moonlight(You know some ahlians have friendster profiles which says " I wan 2 dance wid euu under the moonlight.)
(x) liked the way you looked
(x) witnessed a crime(Manytimes.)
(x) questioned your heart
( ) been obsessed with post-it notes
( ) squished barefoot through the mud
(x) been lost
(x) been on the opposite side of the country(( ) swam in the ocean
(x) felt like dying
(x) cried yourself to sleep
(x) played cops and robbers
( ) recently colored with crayons ( Not crayons but Gel Markers.. they're sort of like crayons and they're NOT markers dumbass)
(x) sung karaoke
(x) paid for a meal with only coins(school food)
(x) done something you told yourself you wouldn't
(x) made prank phone calls
( ) laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
( ) caught a snowflake on your tongue
(x) danced in the rain
(x) written a letter to Santa Claus
( ) been kissed under the mistletoe
(x) watched the sun rise with someone you care about
(x) blown bubbles
( ) made a bonfire on the beach
(x) crashed a party
(x) gone rollerskating
(x) had a wish come true
( ) jumped off a bridge
( ) ate dog/cat food
( ) told a complete stranger you loved them
(x) kissed a mirror
(x) sang in the shower
(x) had a dream that you married someone
(x) glued your hand to something
(x) kissed a fish(LITERALLY BABY. OH LITERALLY)
(x) sat on a roof top
(x) screamed at the top of your lungs
( ) done a one-handed cartwheel
(x) talked on the phone for more than 5 hours(what if for about 3 hours of that time, you were asleep?haha)
(x) stayed up all night
( ) picked and ate an apple right off the tree
(x) climbed a tree
( ) had a tree house
(x) scared to watch a scary movie alone
( ) believe in ghosts
( ) have more than 30 pairs of shoes
(x) worn a really ugly outfit to school
( ) gone streaking
(x) gone doorbell ditching
( ) played gay chicken
(x) pushed into a pool/hot tub with all your clothes on
(x) told you're hot by a complete stranger
( ) broken a bone
(x) been easily amused
(x) caught a fish then ate it
( ) caught a butterfly
(x) laughed so hard you cried
(x) cried so hard you laughed
(x) cheated on a test
(x) forgotten someone's name
(x) french braided someone's hair
(x) gone skinny dipping in a pool/hot tub
(x) been threatened to be kicked out of your house or beenkicked out of your house
(x) loved someone somuch you would gladly die for them
what you don't know about me
what you still don't
- xoxo
charis loves you
9:42 PM
(0) comments
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
i think we all do right?
need sleep
with exams coming around
and as bird puts it chiong here chiong there
sleepless nights
or rather,
i'd sleep early so i can wake up to burn the midnight oil
now doesn't that make sense?
aren't i smart?
but when it hits 3am and i actually want to sleep,
i can't because my brain is active
ugh
okay!
I IS NOW UPDATING
i've hardly studied(what's new)
i dont feel like going to school tomorrow(what's new)
i feel like sleeping in(what's new)
my aircon broke down
so then again,
i don't know if i really want to do that
Monkey, says:
you better go school ok
karys//- you still have my heart says:
i'm tirrreedddd
Monkey, says:
but youre still online
on the other hand,
alastair - time to say goodbye says:
i think im gona go bathe soon
karys//- you still have my heart says:
i should too
karys//- you still have my heart says:
i should sleep very soon
alastair - time to say goodbye says:
please go to school tmr
there's a difference
no alastair, it's not your fault and i'm not like annoyed or mad or anything
little drusilla's phone got taken today
she's the sweetest little darling
but everyone was strip-searched,
and who'd take drus' phone?
seeing her cry,
wouldn't you give it back?
this is the one thing making me think that
this time, maybe, just maybe,
it's not someone from our class
anyway
i should go wash the dishes before they grow a different breed of mould in the sink and have weird mould parties which will annoy me when i'm trying to study
notice me, please. that's all i'm asking from you
- xoxo
charis loves you
10:50 PM
(0) comments
Thursday, September 21, 2006
you know what?
you made me feel special too(:
- xoxo
charis loves you
10:02 AM
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last chanceif you chose to make the effort,
we would probably be alright
but how can i expect?
after all, i'm not your girlfriend anymore
when you fell asleep over the phone,
it felt like the last time you fell asleep in my arms
except i knew,
there wasn't any point being on the phone really
i hung up,
you called back, hearing me cry
then,
i said goodbye.
but you were probably asleep by then
and i hung up
you didn't call back
i wanted you to
but it was unlikely
so i decided that
i couldn't expect you to make everything right,
no, you were too tired for that this time
but you've made it clear,
that you want and need to move on
i told you you didn't have to
but you need time anyway
it's alright now though,
cos i've decided
things won't go back to how they used to be,
never
you won't take me back because you don't want me to hurt
and vent
being without you doesnt mean i won't do that
you ought to know,
but who cares anyway.
so you won't take me back
and i'm not gonna like make you change that thinking
it's so fucking ironic
that i broke up
yet i can't believe it's over
i'll let you go now,
i'll let you move on
trust me,
two weeks to get over me will be enough
and then who knows?
all it takes is 6months
and there's so many out there who'd gladly be your girlfriend
they'd tell you how stupid i was for letting you go
you can tell them,
i know that too
so take care,
and fill me in on your life now and then
like you said,
i'd like to talk
but it makes it harder for you to let go
i never wanted to lose you baby
i never wanted to leave
but things are never what we want them to be
so i'm walking away again
and i guess,
this time it's really,
for real
now you don't have to think
you dont have to decide if getting back together is good or bad
just two days,
two days
and already you wanted to move on
i can't blame you though
i really can't
i'm looking at the time now and wondering,
why i'm still here at home
it's funny,
isn't it?
don't cry anymore than you already have
God's gonna have a hard time collecting both our tears you know
i love you alastair,
i always always will.
what i wanted to say last night,
was that i didn't want to lose you
but you know that already now
Goodbye darling,
have a happily ever after
breaking up doesn't mean you stop cutting because of that person,
it just gives you more reason to cut
breaking up doesn't mean no more tears or hurt or pain
because after i said goodbye,
i cried myself to sleep againi dreamt of you last night
and we or rather i,
was talking about our kids
and you said
i don't think that's an appropriate subject to talk about nowyou were right
because baby, you're all i've ever wanted
remember one of our first pictures together?
i do
we were just starting out.
you never thought it'd come to this did you?
i didn't either
i'll never get over you
- xoxo
charis loves you
9:28 AM
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Wednesday, September 20, 2006
perfectest moment
i realized i didn't need to cut myself
to end my life
because it ended anyway
when i chose to say goodbyeat some point in time after a break up
you'll go through
that special boxpeople in relationships have
that special box and they'll know what i'm talking about
of course, for some people it's
that special drawerbut anyway,
i went through
that special boxand i realized what i had said goodbye to
letters and letters
not too many to read though i have to say
but then, i've always complained about that
and he's always complained about his handwriting
that special box had notes we wrote i passed to each other when we were studying
it had pictures
and it had those notes he used to leave all over my room for me to find
one i laughed and cried at said
"you being pretty, me being stupid. guess we're meant to be"
all the letters he wrote me when he was in australia
i realized it was only 7 or 6 days?
and we were missing each other so much
so so much
just like now i suppose, just like now
i don't have what it takes
to tell you how much i love you
and how much i need you still
even now
and i'm sorry for that
truly,
i am
i used to want to know if you loved me enough to let me go
how do i tell you that now,
i don't really want or even need you to actually?
i'm doing what i've always done,
turning away before my first tear falls
and pulling back from your kiss because i'm scared of what it could mean
walking away,
before i have the chance to turn back and pour myself out to you
here it is now,
i still love you
i still want you
i still need you
and i'm missing you,
like crazy
believe me
i'm picking up the phone
putting it down again
picking it up, dialling your number
but replacing the receiver as it rings in my ear
i'm calling through
but i say a hey instead of all the words that seem ready to come out
like verbal diahorrea
that i
i don't
i can'tfuck i can't do this here
- xoxo
charis loves you
8:14 PM
(0) comments
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
to top everything off,
i just got into a fight with my sister because she was pissing me off
you'll now say i shouldnt take it out on my sister
first of all when i first come out of my room and seat myself at the com
she asks me to switch on the fan
slowly,and what i hope is clearly because i really dont have the energy to speak
i tell her, or try to tell her how every movement i make jarrs my hungover brain
when i get to the word movement she goes
"uh huh whatever"
already in i would say,
quite a fucking bit of emotional and physical pain
i'm close to tears
later i ask her to pour me a cup of milk
she goes
if it's not so difficult for me to get you milk why couldnt you pick up the card in the bus?
see,
this afternoon
she was caught in some stupid school girl embarrassed moment
i didnt pick up her card cos i had shit in my hands
the fact that she's bringing something so stupid up
annoys me
she brings over the milk though and says a full sentence completing it with
"you're welcome"
a habit she's gotten into
indicating the thank you she wants
i don't say anything
and she repeats herself
"jie! you could at least say thank you!"
she says
yelling,
i turn round and tell her how she shouldnt do things for a thank you on top of the fact that she said "you're welcome" immediately after her sentence which didnt give me the fucking chance to say thank you anyway
turning back to the computer,
all energy drained i continue with what i've said except softer
she turns up the tv and goes
"you're mumbling i can't hear you"
and i say
"i dont really fucking care"
"i still can't hear you"
"i don't fucking care" in a strained low tone
she repeats her "still cant hear you still cant hear you"
and fucking pissed off by now ontop of the fucking ringing in my head and the fucking load tv she has on i turn round and hit her
she kind of kicks back like a dead rabbit
and we get into the usual sister fight
where i hit her a couple of times and turn back to the com
while she kicks at my kidneys
okay i really can't stand this
i'm going to throw up
- xoxo
charis loves you
9:45 PM
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really
i just feel like fucking shit now
bloody hangover and aching arm
was it worth it?
i really don't know
i don't know what i'd have done without vicky
she reminded me of all those who love me
and how i should pick myself up
i'm just a fucking mess now
throwing up,
bleeding
and painkillers with alcohol
i don't know when i became like this
this girl who cut over a guy
this girl who dissolves into absolutely nothing
we're gonna move on from here
and if i give myself enough time
i'll stop crying
- xoxo
charis loves you
9:30 PM
(0) comments
this is it
it's not like i didn't think
i talked with my friends
you know someone actually asked
"why are you with alastair, he always makes you cry"
but you don't,
you didn't
not always
but you've never really been one to think much before saying have you?
or dress up your words
you're sensitive and emotional but your words have cut more than the blade you keep trying to take outta my hand
you really hurt me
and while i've deleted old, lovey messages telling me how we'll be together forever,
i kept and locked the one where you kept telling me over and over again how unreasonable i was
i'll never get over that you know
i'll never get over that
running through the house like a madman
searching through drawer after drawer
drunk on just a shot
coughing, choking
throwing up in the toilet
and then once more,
frantically
searching the whole house
for that one thing i needed
i couldn't find it
so i used a much smaller substitute
and in that moment
my whole body was overwhelmed with a strange calm
a calm that allowed me to sink against my wall and cry as i deleted each message
this was your last chance
you blew it
goodbye
- xoxo
charis loves you
4:20 PM
(0) comments
Friday, September 15, 2006
because,
you're so damned sexy i swear
lunch was good
i'm back on antibiotics and medicine is making me very weak
suntec city really is an effing bitch to get into so don't
not til after next week
but then,
we're all supposed to be studying aren't we?
so we shouldn't really be found there
that's rich coming from me
mummy met with the dm and mrs b today
i've got a 60% of being retained
you know what?
i didn't know it was that low
i'm not being sarcastic
though i don't want to be retained,
i'm facing facts
with my record,
even if i pull up my grades
i've missed a lot of this year
and that's reason enough to keep me back a year
enough.
so i'm sorry,
that i'm not good enough
there's a reason i don't sing whenever you're around
and that's because i don't sing the way you want me to
my voice isn't clear,
it isn't the bell it used to be
it doesn't sound sweet
it isn't perfect
so i'm nasal
can you hear the pain in my voice?
i might not be able to sing,
certainly not the way you'd like me to
but that doesn't mean i can't love to sing
you know it's my weakness don't you?
and it feels like even that i have to
make
worthwhile
i need to stop thinking
thoughts in my mind just whirling,
whirling
i need to stop my world from spinning
though if i stand still long enough
it's almost like i have control
almost
*****
i heard a song just now, i havn't heard it for quite a while
and well
it brought back memories
and of a younger, more innocent charis
well i can't really say more innocent
but
haha
i don't know
the song was from the musical before mine
it goes
i'm only looking for a sign
i'm only searching for an answer
but it's been so long
since you've been gone
there's nothing i can hold on
are you there Lord,
do you care?
can you answer my prayer?
Abba Father,
can you hear me?
tell me how to believe
cos why does it seem
like it's just an empty dream
and i need to know
if You're still here
for me
i miss those times,
reharsals for The Father's Hand and all
where Charis was happy
really happy
i didn't cut so much
stopped throwing up so often
because it was family i found
what i had,
was, is all a sec one can ever ask for
anyway,
nice poem
which once again, put words to my insides(:
i didn't write this,
it was off psyke.org
As I trace the lesions to my wrist,
I inhale the scent of blood,
Trickling down my waxen wrist,
No one understood.
I hope their happy,
Now I’m fading away,
Ending my life once and for all,
I hope they realize,
The reason this is,
Listen as you hear death call.
I am so sorry,
More than you know,
More than you ever will,
But alas this is,
The only way it can be,
My cold heartedness made me ill.
I have no more tears,
Left to cry,
What I did have has drained away,
I only wish someone had turned round to me,
And uttered so softly,
‘Stay?’
I used to think that to love was to live,
That my life would feel complete,
I used to think that death was the end,
Now I know it’s a safe retreat.
To love is to live,
Or that’s what they say,
Fools, how wrong they have been,
To love is to die,
As our hearts fade away,
Decaying by causes unseen.
Love attacks the heart,
Which slowly subsides,
Like a wiltering rose in a storm,
Love takes our emotions and rips them to shreds,
Only our spirit is left to mourn.
To live is to love,
And to love is to die,
The razorblade seems to stay strong,
Each cut to my body,
Like a gash to the heart,
Somehow, I cannot go on…
just one moment,
made everything
not so brilliant
the sexy guy, who's gaze i avoid
can you tell?
that i love you too
- xoxo
charis loves you
10:20 PM
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three nights of crying, three days of waking up with swollen eyes
when will it be enough?
your words,
which spilt from your lips
have already left a scarr
and i will always remember
you solve it all with your i love yous
and i think you do know that too
but for once,
your kisses won't take away the hurt and the pain
you've cut me deeper to keep me sane
i'd like you to see these marks
and tell me again that i live life for myself
i'd like you to feel the cuts on my arm
and tell me again that i treat you like a toy on a shelf
you say you love me
so then i'd like you to see
how even in a relationship
you couldn't set me free
i used to say you were loving me for me
could i possibly ask for more
but i was wrong, believing foolishly
you fell in love with someone you never knew
you never really wanted to
because at that moment you thought
this is so it
you never got the chance to know the bits about me that didn't fit
i thought you were just loving me whole
but as it turns out
you simply didn't even know
so what do i do now, my dear?
now that i'm sitting all alone here
your words still haunt me
they'll never let me be
hearing your smooth voice over the phone,
biting my lip, i'm beginning to cry
it really just goes to show
how in love i still am with you
except you'll never know
even if the sun refused to shine
even if romance ran out of rhyme
you would still have my heart
until the end of time
you're all i need
my love,
my valentine your words, they haunt me still
- xoxo
charis loves you
12:55 PM
(0) comments
Thursday, September 14, 2006
i looove the way Jonathan leong sings "turns me on"
no that's not the title of the song,
it's just the phrase i like to hear him sing cos it's hoooot
and it turns me on
naw i'm kidding bout that last bit
i'm missing from school today because i've got a horrible disgusting headache starting yesterday and even til now
my eyes are cold and swollen
and i was coughing so much last night i thought i was gonna die
okay charis, no one gives a shiate
so i'm telling you, that i could say so many other things just not
"i just don't love you no more"
because i can't. stop
loving you
- xoxo
charis loves you
2:27 PM
(0) comments
- xoxo
charis loves you
2:26 PM
(0) comments
it's been a while cos i'm not on the computer often enough
Name: Charis Vera Ng Mei Yi
Birthday: March 17th 1991
Birthplace: UK, Kent - Farnbrough
Current Location: mummy's office
Eye Color: brown
Hair Color: dark brown, black with about a million strands of white hair
Height: 159cm
Right Handed or Left Handed: righty
Your Heritage: they're from all over the place, Vietnam, Hong kong, Malaysia
The Shoes You Wore Today: black slip on heels
Your Weakness: i'm extremely sensitive to a lot of things, mummy says i forgive too often and get hurt again, i'm fat and lazy and i'm a sucker for gentlemanly guys. so now you know one of the reasons i fell for alastair. haha
Your Fears: having someone you love so much die right in front of you, getting married to the wrong shithead(lucky for that guy) and living unhappily ever after
Your Perfect Pizza: spicy and with pineapples.
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: move up to the next level and not be retained so i dont have to waste one more year of my life in this school, and erm lose 10kg=D
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: haha (no, really)
Thoughts First Waking Up: why does effing school have to start so effing early, why are they so effing crazy i want sleeeeeeep
Your Best Physical Feature: my eyes, my mouth?
Your Bedtime: depends on when my bouts of insomnia come. 11pm perhaps sometimes 3am
Your Most Missed Memory: those in UK when i looked like i was all bubble wrapped just so i could play in the snow
MacDonalds or Burger King: In n Outs. you ain't lived til that.
Single or Group Dates: single preferably, but group dates arent that bad
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Lipton
Chocolate or Vanilla: chocolate baby
Cappuccino or Coffee: love em both, and we ought to throw in a latte too
Do you Smoke: occassionally, like really occassionally
Do you Swear: gee how am i supposed to fucking know? okay, i swear quite a bit
Do you Sing: ooooh i looove to
Do you Shower Daily: mmmhmmm
Have you Been in Love: yep. still am
Do you want to go to College: oh yes, believe it or not
Do you want to get Married: are you kidding? totally and have kids though i don't think i should list out all their names here just yet
Do you believe in yourself: yea
Do you get Motion Sickness: if the drivers sucks like fuck
Do you think you are Attractive: to some people i guess
Are you a Health Freak: nope
Do you get along with your Parents: yea, pretty much(:
Do you like Thunderstorms: absolutely
Do you play an Instrument: nope but i'd love to
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: yea like a couple of days ago.haha
In the past month have you Smoked: nope
in the past month have you been on Drugs: nope
In the past month have you gone on a Date: yea
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: Yea
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: i'm nearly finishing the box!=D
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: i think so
been on Stage: well last month i was, cosidering it's the beginning of a month
been Dumped: eh, no
gone Skinny Dipping: nope. pfft
Stolen Anything: i think so?
Ever been Drunk: who hasn't at my age?
Ever been called a Tease: yea
Ever been Beaten up: haha, nope
Ever Shoplifted: isn't that the same as stealing? not this month la, i think two months ago. haha
How do you want to Die: happy and contented, in my sleep
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: a theatre actress, a singer, probably an actress in films too. i wanna be the bestest mummy to my perfect adooorablest widdle babies!
What country would you most like to Visit: just visit? Paris
In a Boy/GirlFavourite
Eye Color: doesn't really matter
Favourite Hair Color: dark brown's pretty fine but i don't have preferences
Short or Long Hair: anything that makes him/her look good
Height: taller than me that's all i ask cos it can't be that hard
Weight: not obese, i mean, as long as he looks good hot whatever
Best Clothing Style: i'm not into geeks and their "men's straight cut"
Number of Drugs I have taken: if medication doesn't count then none
Number of CDs I own: i don't know, 40 plus?
Number of Piercings: 9
Number of Tattoos: two
Number of things in my Past I Regret: losing my first kiss at twelve to a dead fish,
kissing some guy i didn't like at 13 and leading him on, making alastair cry
- xoxo
charis loves you
1:56 PM
(0) comments
Sunday, September 10, 2006
now isn't this picture like
hmmm
haha
i took it some time back but it was worth it
i've always hated guys carrying their ladies handbag like
they're freaking handicapped or something
yet,
being with alastair, i found myself doing that
haha
he spoils me, you know
i think vicky's post makes a fuck load of sense
really
and i shall add on to it
that it's hard to promise forever
but you can promise to love for as long as you can
aidan sent me this email
about how to be a better couple
haha
nothing new of course,
read it all before
but there was this bit
it said that especially for guys,
for a relationship to work,
you have to talk it out
i mean, everyone who's anyone and been alive long enough to talk will know
through and through
that guys always always always
avoid looong talk-it-out conversations
and i guess,
though i don't really think about it,
what i
found find so special about alastair,
one of the reason that i'm so in love with him even til now,
is because unlike all other guys,
he's willing to talk it out
and in many ways,
he's willing to talk things out more than i am
sometimes i can't find the words
but i can type or write it out
but i can't bring myself to say it
it's silly, funny at the same time
but yes, anyway
diddums
SOschool holidays are over
not a lot of studying's been done and especially not a lot of art
i have a lot to catch up on and do need to limit and stop not coming to school
it's important
i have only four weeks til exams
and i don't want to be retained
and i've got seriously high potential of being retained
the school wants to see mummy again
oh just go away
pfft
i want to improve my english
new term, new start
new fucking shit eh?
whee, here we go again
deja vu, attempt number
two fuckingfour(:
I try to smile my tears away
i try to keep my cool
oh but one more door gets in my way
i feel like such a fool
trampled and bitter
my heart just wants to bleed and stop
believing in me
it feels like nothing is for certain
and that nothing comes for free
when they're lowering the curtain to the
Theatre of my dreams
I stumble and i crumble and i'm
sinking to my knees but you
you cradle me
You keep me flying
You keep me smiling
You keep me safe in a crazy world
You understand me
Embrace my fragility
You keep me safe in a crazy world
And in your arms i find the strength
to believe in me again
Noise keeps chasing me
No matter where i go
oh and life likes pretending that it's
on a tv show
When it's hard to tell what's real
From what the world just wants to preach
You are the world i seek
You keep me flying
You keep me smiling
You keep safe in a crazy world
You understand me
Embrace my fragility
You keep me safe in a crazy world
'cause when i'm wrapped up in your arms
Nothing else can touch me
What a wonderful way to recharge
I feel like i can breathe again.
you know this is for you
- xoxo
charis loves you
9:26 PM
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It's a lonely ride on the midnight train
I'm countin' down the days 'til I'm home again
How can i say when my words ever dry
How can I smile with the tear in my eye
Summer's so lost with rainin' in June
That's how it feels when I'm missin' you
- xoxo
charis loves you
8:27 PM
(0) comments
Friday, September 08, 2006
spinnin' it out:
holding out for a hero Where have all the good men gone
And where are all the gods?
Where's the street-wise Hercules
To fight the rising odds?
Isn't there a white knight upon a fiery steed?
Late at night toss and turn and
dream of what I need
I need a hero
I'm holding out for a hero 'til the end of the night
He's gotta be strong
And he's gotta be fast
And he's gotta be fresh from the fight
I need a hero
I'm holding out for a hero 'til the morning light
He's gotta be sure
And it's gotta be soon
And he's gotta be larger than life
Somewhere after midnight
In my wildest fantasy
Somewhere just beyond my reach
There's someone reaching back for me
Racing on the thunder and rising with the heat
It's gonna take a superman to sweep me off my feet
I need a hero
I'm holding out for a hero 'til the end of the night
He's gotta be strong
And he's gotta be fast
And he's gotta be fresh from the fight
I need a hero
I'm holding out for a hero 'til the morning light
He's gotta be sure
And it's gotta be soon
And he's gotta be larger than life
Up where the mountains meet the heavens above
Out where the lightning splits the sea
I would swear that there's someone somewhere
Watching me
Through the wind and the chill and the rain
And the storm and the flood
I can feel his approach
Like the fire in my blood
I need a hero
I'm holding out for a hero 'til the end of the night
He's gotta be strong
And he's gotta be fast
And he's gotta be fresh from the fight
I need a hero
I'm holding out for a hero 'til the morning light
He's gotta be sure
And it's gotta be soon
And he's gotta be larger than life
- xoxo
charis loves you
11:31 PM
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go ahead, mock me
laugh, because it's funny
right?
- xoxo
charis loves you
11:27 PM
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meet my homeless friend
=D
mummy's ill
so when i got home i cooked porridge
haha
yea,
first time
okay whatever,
i don't have anything to say(:
maybe another time
my first
- xoxo
charis loves you
10:35 PM
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Tuesday, September 05, 2006
my sister will be the death of me one day
i swear
sheeesh
- xoxo
charis loves you
11:02 AM
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it's 10am
time to stop hoping
even though i was supposed to have stopped ages ago
it stopped hurting,
but i wish it hurt more outside than it does insidethat's all it takes,
now try again
because i won't
- xoxo
charis loves you
10:04 AM
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Monday, September 04, 2006
last night was a bad night for me
but today was a wonderful wonderful day(:
steve irwin died!
he died when a stingray stung him in the heart,
he was filming a documentary at the time
it got me thinking
about how fragile life is
i mean,
yes he was cocky and i didn't get why he had to go round disturbing,
poking and proding crocodiles
but then,
i mean,
he seemed so big, so strong
he really filled up the screen
and even he can get killed by an animal who he's documenting
i mean,
of course you'd know he'd die
because well,
he is human after all
but to be killed like that
my word
anyway,
today was lovely
and productive
i still have a lot of stuff to finish with macbeth though
then again,
it's the only subject i can do something about
oh yes,
and i'm going to start getting tutored in math
and hopefully,
i'll go back to chinese as well
yes,
believe it or not
charis wants to improve
erm
well yes
okay
i'll blog more
the whole point of blogging was just cos i had the intention of changing my blog song
if it works,
it's sexaaaaeee
and i know my baby darling buu will envy me
that's right,
envy me!que: evil laughter
mmmm
okay whatever
i've been having occassional bout of high-ness the whole of today
okay
yes
whatever
i have a photo shoot tomorrow
i'm supposed to be like in some counselling session for smoking
well if i become a poster girl,
it'll just prove how well it works the next time you see me smoking on the streets
mmmm
lets get high baby
siempre me quedara
- xoxo
charis loves you
10:00 PM
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Name twenty people you can think of right now.
Don't read the question(s)
until you've named the 20 people.
At the end of this, choose five people to do this.
1.vick
2.bird
3.dory
4.mom
5.alastair
6.ann
7.cali
8.aidan
9.en qing
10.stacy
11.marisse
12.janice
13.michelle
14.zoe
15.candice(for some odd reason i just thought of her)
16. victor
17.nerizza
18.hannah
19.paddy
20.daddy?
How did you meet #14? school(:
What would you do if you didn't meet #1? i wouldn't have developed an ogre face,
and a tolerance for spoilt brats. i also wouldn't probably be sitting here thinking about how adorable she is and how she's one of the best things that happened in my life
What if #9 and #20 dated? well firstly, both would have to be gay
and secondly, my daddy's married. it'd be damned weird
Would #6 and #17? not that unlikely
Describe #3 she gets a kick out of annoying people
#8 attractive? i suppose, in some ways. he's got a lovely smile
Describe #7 the sweetest thang(: very sensitive and a lovely coffee buddy
#12 family members? her mom is amazing, and she's got the coolest sister ever=D i wish i had a sister like her!
What would you do if #18 confesses to you that he likes you? i'll say i knew it all along(: oh yes, and that she should understand she isn't exactly a he
What language does #15 speak? English
Who is #9 going out with? his A level textbooks
how old is #16? uh oh. 22? or is it 23
When is the last time you spoke to #13? ages ago. i miss her
Who is #2's favourite band/singer? come to think of it, i don't know.
haha. some best friend eh
Would you ever date #4? fuck no. though she LOOKS a pretty okay girlfriend. UGH
IMAGES! NOOOO
Would you ever date #1 ? probably not
Is #19 single? yea i think so
What's #10's last name? haha. i don't know
Would you ever be in a relationship with #11? NO!!!!
School of #3? PL
Where does #6 live? near school
What's your fave thing about #5? he's amazing and loves with everything he has.
he looks after his girlfriend of the year and isn't one who initiates breakups. he's beautiful in every way
Have you seen #2 naked? sports bra and berms
Okay, here are five UNLUCKY people to do this survey,
1. mom
2. Alastair (but he'll never do it anyway)
3.janice on her secret blog
4.michelle
5.en qing
- xoxo
charis loves you
12:37 AM
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http://www.explosm.net/movies/124/
I LOVE NOODLES
oh my goodness
this is dayam funnyyyy
go watch go watch!
haha
- xoxo
charis loves you
12:14 AM
(0) comments
http://withloveme.multiply.com/photos/album/15
BOOK SALE BOOK SALE
okay maybe you don't really read,
but there should be something you like
- xoxo
charis loves you
12:12 AM
(0) comments
Sunday, September 03, 2006
PICTURES PICTURES
there's more but i'm lazy
BOOK SALE BOOK SALEagatha christie books, the whole set going for $40 and up
each, $5 and up
other coffee table books, we'll see=DD
- xoxo
charis loves you
11:19 PM
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"i've been washing dishes a lot recently"
"well mom cooks for you every day and irons every week,
should she stop?"
you've been breathing quite a lot recently too,
actually since 13 years ago,
should you stop?
aye
it never makes bloody sense
so anyway,
today was lovely.
went out for brunch, dim sum with daddy and stepmom
came home and napnapnaaap(:
i had a horrible nightmare
i dreamt i was in this tv show
except suddenly it all became real
and i knew i was going to lose everything
everything
dinner was good
start of hols,
study time pretty much
anyway,
i'm moving so we need to clear out
we're starting with books
Agatha Christie books,
coffee table books
self-help/self-guide booksi'll post again,
advertise and show pictures(:
- xoxo
charis loves you
11:09 PM
(0) comments
Friday, September 01, 2006
thank you, really bird is very deep
i've had a couple of odd dreams this week
anyway,
went for Richa's party last night
it wasn't all that bad
i mean,
most of them were pretty innocent and yet, not so
kinda in that odd in between stage of knowing the world yet not jumping right in yet
kelly charlene pris paddy were there
so it wasn't so bad
goodness,
you could count those who had lost their first kiss
THREE
including me
which in other words,
is pretty sad
maybe it's just because i have this warped thinking that cos i lost my first kiss at 12(and sure as fuck regretted it)
that everyone does too
but then again,
some of my friends lost their first kiss at that age too
so hey,
i'm not like an odd one out
so anyway,
played spin the spoon(as apposed to spin the bottle)
truth or dare
paddy's damn fun la
and she hasnt lost her first kiss yet
awww
haha
but seriously,
i didnt really know paddy before this
so watching her so comfortable when we picked out a couple of beers was
well,
pleasent suprise
so anyway,
had more fun than expected
made paddy dance on the table
supid dares
of course,
there are always always those wet blankets who squeal
"eee so sick"
when they're asked to eat chips off a friend
left at about 11 when those staying over settled to watch movies
was on the phone with cali til late
and i'm glad i got to talk to her
you get to see,
two different sides of their whole relationship
but the thing is,
as much as i know ann loves or loved her
i asked ann if she could, would she wanna relive those seven months
and she said not if she knew the outcome
but then again,
she wouldn't want it to just be seven months
she also said that now it was better this way
and she should just move on
when i asked cali the same thing she said
that she would wanna relive it, with the exception of their last three not too bril months
and that was really the answer i thought ann would give,
but she didn't
but cali also said that
things were better this way
and they just had to let go and move on
ah wells
i caaaan't wait for krunk!
even though it's unlikely that i'll get alcohol
for fuck's sake,
we don't even know if there'll be id check
so i really don't know
which is pretty shitty
but the dancing,
the shopping will be fun
i think i'll go purely for fun
more than to get drunk and stuff
i already had a beer last night
and my head started ringing even though i ate
oh gawd,
alcohol tolerance going down
meeting people at 5.30 at harbour front
no prize for guessing how many people will be there too.
haha
fall to the ground like tissue
- xoxo
charis loves you
1:59 PM
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because baby, you're all i've ever wanted
because,
peeeeektooores!(: