with |ove; me

Friday, September 15, 2006

three nights of crying, three days of waking up with swollen eyes
when will it be enough?

your words,
which spilt from your lips
have already left a scarr
and i will always remember

you solve it all with your i love yous
and i think you do know that too
but for once,
your kisses won't take away the hurt and the pain
you've cut me deeper to keep me sane

i'd like you to see these marks
and tell me again that i live life for myself
i'd like you to feel the cuts on my arm
and tell me again that i treat you like a toy on a shelf

you say you love me
so then i'd like you to see
how even in a relationship
you couldn't set me free

i used to say you were loving me for me
could i possibly ask for more
but i was wrong, believing foolishly
you fell in love with someone you never knew
you never really wanted to
because at that moment you thought
this is so it
you never got the chance to know the bits about me that didn't fit

i thought you were just loving me whole
but as it turns out
you simply didn't even know

so what do i do now, my dear?
now that i'm sitting all alone here
your words still haunt me
they'll never let me be

hearing your smooth voice over the phone,
biting my lip, i'm beginning to cry
it really just goes to show
how in love i still am with you
except you'll never know

even if the sun refused to shine
even if romance ran out of rhyme
you would still have my heart
until the end of time
you're all i need
my love,
my valentine

your words, they haunt me still

- xoxo
charis loves you
12:55 PM

Comments: Post a Comment

only yours baby

i'm charis vera Ng,
i'm NOT a Singaporean, i was born in UK
but i spent most of my four years in scotland
i love alastair(:
i'm doing my best to live for God though i often fail miserably

ok,try this:
you're this girl who's flown over to this country when you're no more than four years of age
you resent your dad for it,
and it doesn't help when things between your parents don't work out either.

so you miss your home terribly,
you miss going strawberry-picking,
you miss eating boiled eggs out of egg-cups
and you miss warm and cuddly Uncle John and Aunty Esther.

instead,
you find yourself forced to change
and adapt in a horribly hot place
where in primary school,
you meet cold,heartless little kids who ignore you and don't let you play "family"
just cos your accent is different.
early on,
you get weird looks and you find yourself going for recess breaks alone.
your classmates complain to the class teacher when you call them stupid
because they don't understand what to you is simple english.
but they leave you alone when you call them an imbecile
because they don't know what it means.
your primary 1 & 2 class teacher takes joy in complaining to your mummy
because she detests you.
she detests you for constantly correcting her english grammer and pronunciation in front of the class
you soon realize that you can actually gain and keep friends upon them finding out your mother's an actress
but by that time you've more or less forced yourself to lose your accent which makes communication a lot easier anyway.

that was the little girl charis,
now,
on top of that,
i can be a total biotch sometimes, towards people.
and don't tell me you aren't sometimes please.
but i try my very best not to bitch about people.
im a dangerous shopper(=
i never know what i want or need til i see it.

i don't like television.
now that's a first innit?HAH.
bet you never knew someone who didn't like tv
well i don't
and i'm not trying to be different and difficult
it's noisy and boring
i like music:)
i find eating a chore but i love snacking
figure that out
i find certain kinds of pain addictive,
no, i promise i'm still sane.

which is actually pretty remarkable for someone living here,
in this time and place
where you normally get loads of homework,
tests with questions that look like they're in foreign language,
and where everything's a competition to be the best,
the prettiest,
the most popular,
the most hated,
the thinnest,
the fattest, the coolest
the list goes on.
one shouldn't try to be something you're not,
but everyone knows that's easier said than done.
like duurh.