with |ove; me

Thursday, September 21, 2006

~~last chance~~

if you chose to make the effort,
we would probably be alright
but how can i expect?
after all, i'm not your girlfriend anymore

when you fell asleep over the phone,
it felt like the last time you fell asleep in my arms
except i knew,
there wasn't any point being on the phone really
i hung up,
you called back, hearing me cry
then,
i said goodbye.
but you were probably asleep by then

and i hung up
you didn't call back

i wanted you to
but it was unlikely

so i decided that
i couldn't expect you to make everything right,
no, you were too tired for that this time

but you've made it clear,
that you want and need to move on
i told you you didn't have to
but you need time anyway

it's alright now though,
cos i've decided
things won't go back to how they used to be,
never
you won't take me back because you don't want me to hurt
and vent
being without you doesnt mean i won't do that
you ought to know,
but who cares anyway.
so you won't take me back
and i'm not gonna like make you change that thinking

it's so fucking ironic
that i broke up
yet i can't believe it's over

i'll let you go now,
i'll let you move on
trust me,
two weeks to get over me will be enough
and then who knows?
all it takes is 6months
and there's so many out there who'd gladly be your girlfriend
they'd tell you how stupid i was for letting you go
you can tell them,
i know that too

so take care,
and fill me in on your life now and then
like you said,
i'd like to talk
but it makes it harder for you to let go

i never wanted to lose you baby
i never wanted to leave

but things are never what we want them to be

so i'm walking away again
and i guess,
this time it's really,
for real
now you don't have to think
you dont have to decide if getting back together is good or bad

just two days,
two days
and already you wanted to move on

i can't blame you though
i really can't

i'm looking at the time now and wondering,
why i'm still here at home
it's funny,
isn't it?

don't cry anymore than you already have
God's gonna have a hard time collecting both our tears you know
i love you alastair,
i always always will.

what i wanted to say last night,
was that i didn't want to lose you
but you know that already now

Goodbye darling,
have a happily ever after

breaking up doesn't mean you stop cutting because of that person,
it just gives you more reason to cut
breaking up doesn't mean no more tears or hurt or pain
because after i said goodbye,
i cried myself to sleep again

i dreamt of you last night
and we or rather i,
was talking about our kids
and you said
i don't think that's an appropriate subject to talk about now

you were right

because baby, you're all i've ever wanted

remember one of our first pictures together?
i do
we were just starting out.
you never thought it'd come to this did you?
i didn't either

i'll never get over you

- xoxo
charis loves you
9:28 AM

Comments: Post a Comment

only yours baby

i'm charis vera Ng,
i'm NOT a Singaporean, i was born in UK
but i spent most of my four years in scotland
i love alastair(:
i'm doing my best to live for God though i often fail miserably

ok,try this:
you're this girl who's flown over to this country when you're no more than four years of age
you resent your dad for it,
and it doesn't help when things between your parents don't work out either.

so you miss your home terribly,
you miss going strawberry-picking,
you miss eating boiled eggs out of egg-cups
and you miss warm and cuddly Uncle John and Aunty Esther.

instead,
you find yourself forced to change
and adapt in a horribly hot place
where in primary school,
you meet cold,heartless little kids who ignore you and don't let you play "family"
just cos your accent is different.
early on,
you get weird looks and you find yourself going for recess breaks alone.
your classmates complain to the class teacher when you call them stupid
because they don't understand what to you is simple english.
but they leave you alone when you call them an imbecile
because they don't know what it means.
your primary 1 & 2 class teacher takes joy in complaining to your mummy
because she detests you.
she detests you for constantly correcting her english grammer and pronunciation in front of the class
you soon realize that you can actually gain and keep friends upon them finding out your mother's an actress
but by that time you've more or less forced yourself to lose your accent which makes communication a lot easier anyway.

that was the little girl charis,
now,
on top of that,
i can be a total biotch sometimes, towards people.
and don't tell me you aren't sometimes please.
but i try my very best not to bitch about people.
im a dangerous shopper(=
i never know what i want or need til i see it.

i don't like television.
now that's a first innit?HAH.
bet you never knew someone who didn't like tv
well i don't
and i'm not trying to be different and difficult
it's noisy and boring
i like music:)
i find eating a chore but i love snacking
figure that out
i find certain kinds of pain addictive,
no, i promise i'm still sane.

which is actually pretty remarkable for someone living here,
in this time and place
where you normally get loads of homework,
tests with questions that look like they're in foreign language,
and where everything's a competition to be the best,
the prettiest,
the most popular,
the most hated,
the thinnest,
the fattest, the coolest
the list goes on.
one shouldn't try to be something you're not,
but everyone knows that's easier said than done.
like duurh.