with |ove; me

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

to top everything off,
i just got into a fight with my sister because she was pissing me off

you'll now say i shouldnt take it out on my sister

first of all when i first come out of my room and seat myself at the com
she asks me to switch on the fan
slowly,and what i hope is clearly because i really dont have the energy to speak
i tell her, or try to tell her how every movement i make jarrs my hungover brain
when i get to the word movement she goes
"uh huh whatever"

already in i would say,
quite a fucking bit of emotional and physical pain
i'm close to tears

later i ask her to pour me a cup of milk
she goes
if it's not so difficult for me to get you milk why couldnt you pick up the card in the bus?
see,
this afternoon
she was caught in some stupid school girl embarrassed moment
i didnt pick up her card cos i had shit in my hands

the fact that she's bringing something so stupid up
annoys me
she brings over the milk though and says a full sentence completing it with
"you're welcome"
a habit she's gotten into
indicating the thank you she wants

i don't say anything
and she repeats herself
"jie! you could at least say thank you!"
she says

yelling,
i turn round and tell her how she shouldnt do things for a thank you on top of the fact that she said "you're welcome" immediately after her sentence which didnt give me the fucking chance to say thank you anyway

turning back to the computer,
all energy drained i continue with what i've said except softer

she turns up the tv and goes
"you're mumbling i can't hear you"

and i say
"i dont really fucking care"

"i still can't hear you"

"i don't fucking care" in a strained low tone
she repeats her "still cant hear you still cant hear you"

and fucking pissed off by now ontop of the fucking ringing in my head and the fucking load tv she has on i turn round and hit her
she kind of kicks back like a dead rabbit
and we get into the usual sister fight
where i hit her a couple of times and turn back to the com
while she kicks at my kidneys

okay i really can't stand this
i'm going to throw up

- xoxo
charis loves you
9:45 PM

Comments: Post a Comment

only yours baby

i'm charis vera Ng,
i'm NOT a Singaporean, i was born in UK
but i spent most of my four years in scotland
i love alastair(:
i'm doing my best to live for God though i often fail miserably

ok,try this:
you're this girl who's flown over to this country when you're no more than four years of age
you resent your dad for it,
and it doesn't help when things between your parents don't work out either.

so you miss your home terribly,
you miss going strawberry-picking,
you miss eating boiled eggs out of egg-cups
and you miss warm and cuddly Uncle John and Aunty Esther.

instead,
you find yourself forced to change
and adapt in a horribly hot place
where in primary school,
you meet cold,heartless little kids who ignore you and don't let you play "family"
just cos your accent is different.
early on,
you get weird looks and you find yourself going for recess breaks alone.
your classmates complain to the class teacher when you call them stupid
because they don't understand what to you is simple english.
but they leave you alone when you call them an imbecile
because they don't know what it means.
your primary 1 & 2 class teacher takes joy in complaining to your mummy
because she detests you.
she detests you for constantly correcting her english grammer and pronunciation in front of the class
you soon realize that you can actually gain and keep friends upon them finding out your mother's an actress
but by that time you've more or less forced yourself to lose your accent which makes communication a lot easier anyway.

that was the little girl charis,
now,
on top of that,
i can be a total biotch sometimes, towards people.
and don't tell me you aren't sometimes please.
but i try my very best not to bitch about people.
im a dangerous shopper(=
i never know what i want or need til i see it.

i don't like television.
now that's a first innit?HAH.
bet you never knew someone who didn't like tv
well i don't
and i'm not trying to be different and difficult
it's noisy and boring
i like music:)
i find eating a chore but i love snacking
figure that out
i find certain kinds of pain addictive,
no, i promise i'm still sane.

which is actually pretty remarkable for someone living here,
in this time and place
where you normally get loads of homework,
tests with questions that look like they're in foreign language,
and where everything's a competition to be the best,
the prettiest,
the most popular,
the most hated,
the thinnest,
the fattest, the coolest
the list goes on.
one shouldn't try to be something you're not,
but everyone knows that's easier said than done.
like duurh.