alone i was
before your love
when i saw you
i knew my life was touched

i saw your smile
and then i knew
that everything i felt
inside was true

i saw your smile
and then i knew
that i was gonna spend
my life with you


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Monday, December 31, 2007

Half past mindnight and she has to be up in what, six hours?Sighs, wraps up the too-long blog post she has found herself typing. Even though, instead of blogging, there're a gazillion other things she could be wasting her life on.
The alarm goes off just after seven.A sharp clanging of tiny metal upon slightly larger metal. Back and forth at a speed so fast that, should you slip your finger into the space whilst clambering -eyes barely open- to switch off the bomb from hell, you would feel a sudden sting as the tiny metal whacks against your finger.Mumbles to herself, giving herself just five more minutes, and falls back asleep. However, as it always is, five minutes asleep is forty minutes in real life. She brings herself to a sitting position, legs swung over the side of her bed. Scratches her leg, even though it's not itchy.Then she curls up in the opposite direction, dozing off for just a minute or two more, before suddenly jumping up and dragging herself to the toilet.
She grunts incoherently at her mom and, after changing and getting annoyed at herself for being later than planned, she leaves the house.Class starts at half past nine, requiring her to be there at about nine or quarter past. Meaning, she has to be out of the house by eight, or thereabouts.
Relatively woken up by now, she makes her way, sharp heels clicking against concrete pavement, towards the bus stop. She's never needed morning cigarettes. In fact, hates the taste in her mouth after having her teeth brushed clean.So she adjusts her bag while waiting impatiently for the bus, watching miserable sods patting their pockets for their crummy cigarette packs.
The bus is terribly crowded, like a box packed with too many socks and spilling over. But though she never runs for her buses or trains or across the road while Green Men flash incessantly, she hates waiting for buses and ending up late. So she forces herself onto the steps, barely mantaining her already off set balance on heels, and defiantly taps her card so that she'll have to be kept on board.At the station she keeps an eye out for her ex. Not that she's avoiding him, it just amazes her that considering how small Singapore is, they have never run into each other at his station - unplanned.
Music blocking out the sighs and grumbles of other office people, she hurries to her work building. Follows the signs and has an eye on the uneven floor, fearing she could trip and fall at anytime. Absolute bliss, upon arrival at The Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf (second best next to Starbucks). Flashes a smile at the lady behind the counter and asks for the Christmas holiday special; A large Peppermint Latte, made with Mocha instead of Vanilla (ugh), to go. Hands over her Coffee Bean card (oh what a loyal customer!) and grabs a Wall Street Journal while waiting patiently for her drink.
The building has about eight elevators due to the many levels in the building (up to thirty if i'm not wrong). It's one of those building where the first couple of floors are for shops and boutiques (first floor having lots of food of course), the middle chunk of the building being for offices, and the top part of the building being for apartments.She squeezes into the lift, presses her floor and stares at her reflection on the elevator doors, secretly sneaking peaks at other people and how they're dressed too. Sips her wonderful, heaven-sent latte and waits, as the lift lets people off at different floors. Gets off at her level, and walks into the office, saying her Hellos and Good Mornings. Meets a friend/colleague, depending on the time and place, smiles, chats and catches up a wee bit.
Class proves a tad bit more difficult today, but she makes it through the two hours, comes out alive although a bit brain dead.Hurries off to meet a friend for lunch, during which they chat and laugh and giggle. True girl time of course, which is a breath of fresh air. They wander aimlessly for a bit, one not quite wanting to go back to the work, and the other, too tired to care. She wanders into a store, Watsons, to be exact, buys things she could actually do without but, would rather not do without.
She heads home after a while, feet aching, head ringing and tired, though only half the day has passed. Does a load of laundry and types out bullshit on her blog, seriously wanting to bathe and go to bed before heading out for the evening with her family.
The wonderful thing, is that, this is just one random day in her life. If you pick another random day, it is guranteed to be quite different. And this is what she likes. In fact, this is what she loves. So that she will never again, if she can help it, just be unwinding more string from the very same ball of yarn.

- xoxo
charis loves you
5:58 PM

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Monday, August 13, 2007

- xoxo
charis loves you
7:22 PM

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He stood there,
so much a winner that he was actually, in fact, a loser.
It wasn't that he was a bad person, far from it!
Funny and charming, he drew people to him. Yet such unprofession would cost him his intergrity and his face.
Perhaps they thought it was a gift to him,
but it couldn't be anything more than a curse.
Underserved, no cheers heard, and group hugs that included him after the slightest hesitation.
Boos from fans of the deserving, chucked out, to bestow upon him what he should hardly be able to imagine.
My friend, always a good loser, but a winner more than him.

This is going to be a tad bit short cos i'm really tired.
I met Gillian (producer of Wendy Cheng's Girls Out Loud)
and she's really nice. haha
the script i had to audition with was hilarious, i have to go tell the baby ogre.
kind of like her older sister's script which included a Harry HangLow.
HAHA

never mind, you wouldn't understand, sorry for being rude.

SO Teenage Icon Finals!
I missed out on Ernie):
But i'm so proud of her winning 2nd runner up and although this sounds cliche and like one is doing no more than making the best of circumstance,
it is true that whether or not Ernie won first or Consolation, she would've still carried on and made it.

After all, with the Y2Y behind her and events after events, it's a tad bit difficult for her to keep off the stage for long.
Teenage Icon is a stepping stone,
but it depends on how one makes the best of it.

For me, it was an experience.

My passion for the stage isn't gonna die out because i didn't make it to the finals!
and it is incredibly sad because some who got out at the same round a me talk about trying again next year.
("oh there's always next year!")

That isn't the point.
granted, one shouldn't give up hope just like that,
but Teenage Icon isn't the Be All and End All.
You are not nothing because you didn't win.

Take Shi Ying for example!
She's from PL and she went for campus superstar.
she got kicked out at the second round and wasn't foreseen to go far in this competition.
(please don't kill me, i actually don't think she can sing okay)
but i will admit, that she has an image onstage and that's what kept her on.
And guess what? she won Miss Silkygirl!

Point?
move on to more.

Met Ming and Priscilla today, i didn't know that they were gonna sing!
And when i met Ming she ran up and gave me a hug, she's just the sweetest thing!
Unfortunately her Manager wasn't being very friendly or maybe she's just got Ming's best interests in mind.
All i can say is, if i had a manager like that, either it isn't gonna work or i can expect to grow distant from friends AND fans.
tsk

ANYWAY
Ming's singing has improved like a lot!
She's so much louder, you wouldn't believe it. SERIOUSLY.
i kinda hoped she'd do a jazz number though, it IS her forte after all.

FINALLY i managed to shop today!
jeans and like, three ohsohot tops! i loooove!

Thinking about lots of days spent non-stop shopping,
first prize goes to weeks in LA.
i just keep buying stuff over there, or i like, look at stuff and my aunts buy it for me.
Over there,
everything fits, everything is so incredibly cute and you can't get some of em here.
well most of em actually.
even IF they're made in China or HongKong.
hahahaha

My phone's totally screwing up on me,
so anyone's quite welcome to be a dear and buy me a phone.
haha.
yea right.
I need to go shopping for catwalk heels,
and i need to find a proper job for right after O's.

AYE

well, that's quite a bit for such a short post!
all my love

- xoxo
charis loves you
1:08 AM

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Friday, August 10, 2007

This is from my cousin's blog:

bluetooth enabled

In my opinion, there is only one situation where wearing a bluetooth headset is acceptable: driving.
Wearing it for anything else usually makes you look like an asshat. Now now.
Before you jump to conclusions, of COURSE I know plenty of friends who wear bluetooth headsets. And yes, they usually look like asshats too. I mean, I can understand the need to be “hands-free” while taking a call in the restroom at a mall, but only for those very special phone calls if you know what I mean.

In the car, however, I’m a complete advocate of bluetooth headsets. Hell, I don’t use mine often enough (or ever…depending on how you see it…). San Gabriel/Monterey Park/Alhambra is already a bad enough place to drive without having to dodge old Asian ladies who can’t see over the steering wheel. The other day I was tailing a grandmother who was going FORTY on the 10 freeway. C’MON!!! Add that to a few people who swerve halfway into your lane because they’re talking on the phone and you’ve got a magical place to drive in LA.

Nevertheless, if you’re driving and you own a bluetooth headset…have at it. If it helps you avoid old Asian ladies and swerving jackasses and keeps you out of a wreck that may potentially cost me 20 minutes on my commute, I give you my blessing. I WANT you to wear your bluetooth headset. But unless you lost both arms in the war (thanks, by the way), please take that ridiculous hunk of plastic out of your ear.

hilarious as always!
i miss him oodles.

- xoxo
charis loves you
10:50 PM

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OMG
i've got this huuuuge UGLY bruise on my leg.
it's dayammm painful.

):

- xoxo
charis loves you
10:43 PM

(0) comments

okay lah.
i'm guessing you guys are all damn lazy to check out the website OR Teenage magazine.
plus,
these pictures are the nicer ones(:
xoxo



in case you're wondering, the slit(on the right) starts at the tip of my fingers.
like zomg.
it's lovely though(:

i always get a lot of spam, and my house mate told me how she loves reading her spam mail because it's so incredibly interesting.
haha

here's one:
Your orgasms will be enhanced to the point of ecstasy, and your stamina and overall sexual health will be greatly increased.

okay, i have brilliant orgasms already.

aneeeeewayyyy.
the show's coming up and we've been rehearsing like fucking crazy.

Just today, we started at one and ended at seven.
like what in the woooorld.
my feeties hurt after tottering around in uber high heels.
and by the way, they don't look very high thanks to my fat feeties):

tomorrow's day starts at nine, more walking about all the way til afternoon.
Sunday is filled up too, as well as next thursday and friday.
they're probably gunning for yet another rehearsal, mid week so i ought to prep myself for that.
And let's see,
right after thaaaat, well there shouldn't really be any more than that.
There's exams of course, and stuff.

bloooobylooooby.

i need to soak my feeties.

- xoxo
charis loves you
9:35 PM

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Thursday, August 09, 2007

i read a couple of old entries from a friend's blog.
i noticed that, reading those posts,
you'd never have guessed that at that time, he had a girlfriend and according to what he said in real life,
loved her more than anything and was at his utmost happiest.

oh wells.

i've got rehearsals tomorrow,
i want to go bathe and relax.

go buy Bird's muffins.
they is belly good!

you know, i have this very strong feeling,
she's selling them so we'll all be like fat and she'll be happy cos she'll be daaaamn skinny.
hahah
i'm kidding!
i love you bird(:

- xoxo
charis loves you
11:19 PM

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HELLO HELLO

soo. the pictures for the photoshoot are out.
i look good in five out of six of them(the last one was a fucking candid okay!)
here's the link:

http://www.bigisgorgeous.com/index.cfm?GPID=35

Go check it out babies.
Plus, tomorrow, Sept issue of Teenage magazine should be coming out.
go check that out too.

as great as the pictures on the website look,
i'm upset that they're FREAKING TINY

gawsh.
i swear!
they're really really tiny pictures of me and Rohaida and even pris.
poooooft.

If any of you have a way of like, enlarging pictures,
do me the favour okay?
haha

i don't know how bad/good i look in teenage mag, so on second thought,
maybe you shouldn't go buy it just yet.
haha
diddums.

go check out the site and buy lots of stuffs okay!(:
the dresses are like reeeeeaaaally preeeeeetty.
and if any of you are free, drop my Plaza Singapura on August the 17th.

right outside (where starbucks is)
is where Fashion Theatre is taking place.
you can squeeze squeeze a bit and catch a glimpse lah.
haha

anyway,
i've spent like foreverrrr tidying up my room(& i'm done except for two more areas)
so i'm like damn damn happy about that(:
i just absolutely love sitting in my room, hearing calming sounds of waves and dolphins,
smelling my beautiful aromatherapy oils and just relaxing.
i've always loved that and my only problem before was how horrible my room looked.
even when it was tidy, there was still like,
you know, stuff, albeit stacked up, in random piles.

right now though, there aren't(:

yay me!

i just loooove my room.
i sooo fucking love it love it love it.

you can stop the games and pulling of heartstrings any time about now.
i get the pattern;
I walk a step ahead of you

bad boys, sad girls

- xoxo
charis loves you
10:28 PM

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Wednesday, August 08, 2007

"Do you feel insecure about your penis size?"

nope. i think i'm doing pretty good.

i heart Sound of music(:

rehearsals. toodles

- xoxo
charis loves you
2:24 PM

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Monday, August 06, 2007

I'm sure you've all been wondering what the hell i do with my time since it seems like i rush around a lot.
(actually i don't, i just have twenty four hours to do stuff after stuff after stuff back to back, that's all)
I've been modelling for the BIG is Gorgeous movement!(:

Now i reallyyyy hope Sham doesn't kill me for ruining the suprise but these are only TWO of a whole bunch of daaaamn pretty dresses.

hello Vintage!
ignore the tummy and say, "Hello Diva!"

ANYWAYS
as you can tell, there are dresses for almost any ocassion.
There's pretty, dresses you can match with huge sunhats and go to the beach in,
dresses you can wear for a Saturday afternoon tea,
dresses, like the golden one(with a super high split on the side) which is totally red-carpet worthy and even dresses which scream
iknowyousowannafuckmerightnow.
i'm being completely serious. and oooh! i get to wear one of them dresses(:

The brilliant thing is that, all these dresses look tiny!
well, most of them anyway.
i swear, they look like they'll be JUST NICE for someone baby V's size, and yet, i can fit into them.
Plus, i actually look thinner!
Stop the sniggering okay.

The dresses are absolutely gorgeous, and i'll slip the link in when the pictures are all done(:
from what i could tell, i looked pretty good.

And this is precisely the point,
who says you can't be big and beautiful?
In today's society, everyone wants to be a size zero and everyone's sticking their finger down their throat. I've been there too(i won't deny it worked for a while, i lost 10kg that year)

Of course,
especially on saturday being right beside all the damn hot models like nicolette Sylivia and Jaime,
one feels out of place.
like, ohmygawd, i'm really too fat to do this.
i look good but those hot models would look even better in the dress i'm wearing.
Is there a way i can just, not look fat(because all the dresses are sleeveless.)
Then i realized, that the point would be completely missed!
The dresses are sweet on thin girls and just as good on bigger girls.

Who says big isn't gorgeous? Viva la diva i say!

Anyway, all these gorgeous gorgeous dresses are going at $70/75 and the tops are going at $45/50.
They're reeeaally reeeaally worth it, i'm telling you.
Gives you the boost you're so gonna need and i swear, they make you look just as beautiful as the hot girl right beside you.

Skinny girls can get them and yes, big girls can get them too.
Please please pleaaaaase support this because, it's a really good cause and movement.
I'll send you the link when pictures of the clothes are up(:

So yes, this is exactly what i've been doing recently.
The shoot for Teenage magazine as well as for the website(:
On top of that, there've been rehearsals for the upcoming show which is in about two,
actually, no, fuck.
it's next week already.

I'm not singing anymore, no that bit got given to someone else so i could focus on the acting and modelling.
I was upset, i'll admit. because it's like, she got everything even after she stabbed me and him right in the fucking back.
but i figure, i'm better off at the end of it, you know?
i've got something i'm working for.
my joys aren't based on the events and shows that i have to wait to get offered.
no, i go out and get them myself.

So anyway, i'll be acting and modelling.

In case anyone is the least bit interested, i've figured out recently what i'm gonna be doing with my life.
Yes! gasp! charis thinks about what to do with her freaking life! haha.

After O levels, i'm gonna be doing my SATs, learning conversational mandarin and getting a job.
I'm hoping to go to the US for college and i've talked about it with my parents and stuff.
I'm not gunning for a movie-star life, far from it.
In fact, out of theatre singing and film, i like filming the least.
It's weird in that actually, because film is the easiest way to get noticed.
Every other person in the world watches TV/movies but i realized, i'm really really in love with the stage.
Musicals kind of stuff.
So, what i wanna do with my life? I want to do something involving acting.
Even being an acting coach/teacher is great.
I'm addicted to gruelling body work and i want to keep doing that for like, the rest of my life, i swear.
Being famous is exactly NOT what i am looking for, it's about doing lots of theatre stuff simply because i love it.
i like short films too because they can get filmed really fast. and by fast, i mean Ten hours to a few days.
haha.
It's not that i don't like filming or being in a movie, if i had the opportunity to,
it's that, i very much prefer theatre.
Not necessarily broadway, but thereabouts(:

OKAY.
there we have it.
soooo no, i'm not planning on going to a JC or poly.

you know, just in case you gave a droplet of shit. haha.

SO i finally wrote in to Straits Times Forum about the incident last year.
Where this horrible old man slapped me and i like yelled at him and stuff.
i don't know if it'll get published but if it does, it'll be pretty darn interesting!

Teenage Magazine, with the list of Teenage Icon Finalists AND the BIG model spread should be out by either next week or the week after.
So do look out for it, even though i look really bad and fat.
haha.

I'll be in PL this Wednesday! because my baby sister's getting her award!
ooh!
i'm sooo happy and proud for her(:

I wrote a really nice song, i think V would reallyyyy like it.
haha.
i'm off, but remember,
BIG is GORGEOUS

- xoxo
charis loves you
6:37 PM

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Friday, August 03, 2007

light the fire again

- xoxo
charis loves you
12:51 PM

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credits

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peeeeektooores!(:

only yours baby

i'm charis vera Ng,
i'm NOT a Singaporean, i was born in UK
but i spent most of my four years in scotland
i love alastair(:
i'm doing my best to live for God though i often fail miserably

ok,try this:
you're this girl who's flown over to this country when you're no more than four years of age
you resent your dad for it,
and it doesn't help when things between your parents don't work out either.

so you miss your home terribly,
you miss going strawberry-picking,
you miss eating boiled eggs out of egg-cups
and you miss warm and cuddly Uncle John and Aunty Esther.

instead,
you find yourself forced to change
and adapt in a horribly hot place
where in primary school,
you meet cold,heartless little kids who ignore you and don't let you play "family"
just cos your accent is different.
early on,
you get weird looks and you find yourself going for recess breaks alone.
your classmates complain to the class teacher when you call them stupid
because they don't understand what to you is simple english.
but they leave you alone when you call them an imbecile
because they don't know what it means.
your primary 1 & 2 class teacher takes joy in complaining to your mummy
because she detests you.
she detests you for constantly correcting her english grammer and pronunciation in front of the class
you soon realize that you can actually gain and keep friends upon them finding out your mother's an actress
but by that time you've more or less forced yourself to lose your accent which makes communication a lot easier anyway.

that was the little girl charis,
now,
on top of that,
i can be a total biotch sometimes, towards people.
and don't tell me you aren't sometimes please.
but i try my very best not to bitch about people.
im a dangerous shopper(=
i never know what i want or need til i see it.

i don't like television.
now that's a first innit?HAH.
bet you never knew someone who didn't like tv
well i don't
and i'm not trying to be different and difficult
it's noisy and boring
i like music:)
i find eating a chore but i love snacking
figure that out
i find certain kinds of pain addictive,
no, i promise i'm still sane.

which is actually pretty remarkable for someone living here,
in this time and place
where you normally get loads of homework,
tests with questions that look like they're in foreign language,
and where everything's a competition to be the best,
the prettiest,
the most popular,
the most hated,
the thinnest,
the fattest, the coolest
the list goes on.
one shouldn't try to be something you're not,
but everyone knows that's easier said than done.
like duurh.