Wednesday, August 30, 2006
meet little zach i could feel the weight of his tiny little body on my chest
and his tiny tiny fingers, the most beautiful fingers in the world,
curling around my finger
his lips, so small
and pursed
the most beautiful baby
in the entire world
that's when you know you're a girl,
too young
yet crazy about being a mother(:
so anyway,
stayed home from school but went back to pick up my shit.
you know,
just in case
haha
to alastair:
thank you so so sooooo much for thee most beautiful,
gorgeous,
huggable bear in theee world.
i'm sooo in looove already!
with the bear i mean(:
diddums
krunk's this friday
i like
and oooh!
my holidays!
believe it or not,
i do plan to study.
i do
haha
well okay,
goodight world
i still need you, can you tell?
i never stopped needing you, come to think of it
- xoxo
charis loves you
10:36 PM
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Monday, August 28, 2006
i don't want to remember you anymore
you made promises to me
promises that i'd never be disappointed ever again
promises that i never asked for
i never asked for
i guess after my father,
i should have stopped having faith in promises ages ago
but i didn't
i believed
i stopped expecting a long time ago
so that i wouldn't get upset
see,
if you don't expect,
you can't be disappointed right?
just once,
i thought
just onceyou promised
but those were all just beautiful beautiful words
beautiful beautiful words
i don't want to remember
you anymore
it hurts too much
and i just feel foolish
- xoxo
charis loves you
4:44 PM
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Sunday, August 27, 2006
what would you do, if i kissed you? mummy came home today(:
rushed out to buy french red wine and durians
made spaghetti for lunch
fancy fancy
and just had a new kind of bailey's
mmmmm
mint chocolate
ooh baby!
you just have to try it
anyay anyway
detention for like the next five bloody days
UGH
last week of school
i'm homefree
then of course,
mad rush for exams
no reminders please
promise me,
promise me forever
- xoxo
charis loves you
10:43 PM
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Saturday, August 26, 2006
my last scene which i filmed today was perfect
it was absolutely perfect and beautifully done
because
because the tears were real
they were too real
and i screamed it out,
and choked back on real tears
a couple of people commented that i was really good,
the take was wonderful
and Philothea said
"it's good because she's really crying,
she's really crying"
so yea,
maybe i was
like i was when i sat up last night to find myself too alone to bear
my whole body's aching
but all i want to feel is pain anyway
real tears
- xoxo
charis loves you
11:00 PM
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Thursday, August 24, 2006
"all it takes, is just one person" was what i had said
"no, it's just that person" he had said
what could i say to that? about three to four people know
i remember you had asked once,
how could i tell you?
they know but do they know how much it cuts me up inside
now?
i talked it out today with a special confidante
i've been busy,
but i got round to reading
unexpected, yet not shocking
when i came round to that particular post
and all i could do was simply dissolve,
and turn away as tears fell
i remember, when it was brought up,
stupidly the first thing i thought of,
was how long ago it was,
and how long i had put it up
and how long it was til anyone saw
and how no one would've seen otherwise
pathetic isn't it?
pathetic
i understood where you were/are coming from completely
no you can't just laugh it off
and i'm sorry
yes,
i thought,
and i was thinking even as i uploaded those pictures
and you know what i thought?
that no one would see it,
hardly anyone, if anyone at all
i didnt advertise it
it's a link on my blog but strangely it's unknown
tell me,
did you even know of the existance of my website before the incident?
i'm guessing not
see, that's what i meant when i said my stuff's relatively unknown
i guess i shouldn't have left space for hairline cracks
we've gotten into enough trouble
and i'm sorry
truly i am
i think back to how far back we go
and i realize,
not really
i cannot get over it,
this
to walk into a conversation which would otherwise have been so comfortable
but instead
when you say hi,
you can see the words form as you breathe it out of your lips
and then they fall to the ground,
broken glass
to have to talk through you
or to simply,
not talk
or not know if i should
and oh,
how it tears me up inside
tears that get lost in the night
those off-beat moments,
when i hope nobody catches me,
when people go "hey, you're stoning"
and i turn, flash my brightest smile
i lie through my teeth, and act like i do on stage and go
"nah i'm not, i'm fine"
off beat moments when my mind wanders and inevitable
my eyes fill
makes me wonder
it does
my stupidity
enough
filming was gorgeously fun
though yesterday we ended bloody late
honestly,
i havn't enjoyed myself filming in a long time
i forgot how fun it could be
sure,
i didn't really know
know people
but it was fine
i think everyone pretty much clicked(:
and wow,
we were really given star treatment
i swear i can act like that and not get paid,
just have my transport and food covered
haha
then again,
maybe not
but really,
we were treated really well
i mean,
i knew we'd get picked up and sent back
but in a BMW was kinda a big difference(:
lovely lovely
mummy called today,
i really do miss her
and though i love my freedom,
i can't wait for mummy to be home
i feel bad nowadays,
cos i get really annoyed with janice cos she'll keep calling me asking where i am
she does that with mummy too
except after a while, when i know it's her,
i answer the phone with a
"what?!"
like last night for example,
and she was just calling to say goodnight
she's really the sweetest little angel sometimes
i'm gonna be up early tomorrow for school because
GUESS WHAT
i'm gonna go on time so i can go for art
and i'll be there on time for friday as well
alright,
apparently another picture which i've just put up ought to be taken down
fuck i should have a completely private photo blog
so i'm sorry,
for being human
and making mistakes sorry, for being alive
- xoxo
charis loves you
12:35 AM
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Sunday, August 20, 2006
i'll cut myself more
and let the blood pour out
when my tears aren't there to fall
that's where the blood comes in
and i'kk pout it out
pout it all out
and into you
i like today(:
so that's the thing with acting
one minute i'm a 20 something year old who's finacee just raped my sister
and the next minute i gotta be
a 16 year old screaming
"pa! dont!"
haha
whatever man
but today was really really fun
daddy suprised us by coming over and hooking us up with a phone which actually works(:
dinner with him
camped out at the airport last night
need to go back there again cos i left my earrings at the cafe
i miss mummy who's in cambodia):
- xoxo
charis loves you
10:57 PM
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Wednesday, August 16, 2006
i think Singapore has a big fucking problem for such a small country.
people around here,
are lazy
and i don't mean couch potato-ish kinda lazy
i mean too effing lazy to move, just an inch more on the bus
too lazy to stand up and get out of the way for the passenger on the inner seat getting out
i admit,
i do on many occassions,
simply swing my legs onto the outside so that i remain seated while the person walks out
BUT
if i see that the person has lotsa things,
i would actually stand up and give way
not even mentioning the stupid incident on the bus yesterday where the man was too impatient to just fucking wait for the bust to stop.
today,
i was on bus three,
and i was on the inside.
first of all, i had to reach around the woman's head extremely awkwardly so that i could ring the bell
obviously,
i'm getting off
she makes no attempt to move as the bus approaches the bus stop,
no not even a little
finally, as the bus comes to a halt,
i clear my throat and turn towards her, sitting on the edge of my seat
she moves about one full inch
does not even move her legs fully to the side
like what the fuck?
and it's not like the bus is crowded and there's no space for her to put her legs
she's just too damn effing lazy!
so basically i just have to shove past/ shove through her damned legs to get out
ugh
these people piss me off
fucking shitheads
i need to get outta this damn country
i'm happy today(:
it feels like the end of the week and it's not
WHY WHY WHY!
and blogger isnt working at uploading pictures now
WHY WHY WHY!
- xoxo
charis loves you
5:39 PM
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i still love you. i know i do.
do you? i see myself smiling, burying my face into your shoulder
as at Zach's Christening, vicky holds him,
a proud godaunt
and i can't wait
for that to become a reality
i want it to become a reality
- xoxo
charis loves you
4:52 PM
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Tuesday, August 15, 2006
well,
i have to rush through this because (as usual)
i'm rushing off.
so anyway,
i realized today's tuesday.
only tuesday and already i have had four majorish outbursts.
today was memorable,
and to those on the same 136 bus,
keep laughing.
thought of this week is
I love my School really,
no kidding
so anyway,
started off yesterday
in the hall, morning assembly.
tight and limited space,
i was right at the back when four Indian girls squeezed in.
one was on the tubbier side and she was sweaty and wet and i knew because it was all over my fucking leg.
obviously i inched away.
during the national anthem, they sang overly loudly.
even ann na glanced at them
they didnt sing in a patriotic, "i love my country" way,
they sang it like they had something to prove.
stupid things the lower sec do.
they talked and chatted and giggled and moved, rubbing sweat through uniform on my leg.
while big bird was talking, they chatted too.
i'm ot a goody two shoes,
and it's not that i don't talk during assembly,
but there was limited space and with their giggles and what not,
they were leaning into my space, being extremely noisy when i was trying to read my book and basically,
just being a bloody nuisance
"WILL YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP!"
i had said to them.
startled, they shut up for a while before the chatter continued
ignorance is bliss
After assembly,
three chinese girls,
i can't be sure,
arms draped around each other were walking,
laughing, pushing and pulling each other.
for the love of God,
you know gun is around,
and you know sooner or later, she's gonna throw a bitch fit.
instead of talking or laughing or even screaming and shouting which is breaking the silent "rule" through and through,
you pushing and pulling.
unfortunately for them,
they pushed and fell against me who had a bad start to her morning
thanks to ms sweaty thighs rubbing herself on me
and when that happened i turned round and yelled
"WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR FUCKING PROBLEM!"
because why the fuck were they dancing around like lunatics anyway.
TODAYsince i've missed by social studies test two weeks ago,
i've continuously checked at the science lab to see if my paper is there.
each time they say no after they do their usual slow paced fingering through each paper thing.
my ss teacher said it had to be with them and if i havnt taken it til now, i might not even be allowed to take it because of the lapse of time and all that.
understanding completely, im about to see her after school to further clarify details when i decide to stop by the lab
the lady inside keeps glancing at the clock and says something about 2.20pm
i explain that i've been here many times and that my teacher said it should be here.
finally, after more looking, the just for laughs monster says
"eh! charis ng!"
thank you Jesus, they found the damned paper!
of course, they blame Ms Christine Poon for not writing down the subject when on the other hand it is also their fault for not checking the papers properly all the other times i was there!
about to take it, the just for laughs monster pulls it back from me when i say im gonna go see the teacher first to tell her.
"you go first la, then come back at 2.20. 2.20."
old singaporeans have a tendency to repeat themselves like that.
me,
obviously adamant about not waiting around like a lemon so long,
i ask
"why? why 2.20?"
"you cannot see is it!"
the just for laughs monster says to me, irritation plain obvious in her voice,
she shows me the front paper which is clipped ontop of all the different sets of test papers
(btw, it is an official school paper which is for THEM to see, not us students. students never see it)
well hello,
obviously i wouldnt have seen it.
so i tell her so
"well actually, no,
i couldn't see it until you shoved it into my face but thanks anyway!"
with that, i leave.
no luck finding ms heng and while waiting,
i hear one lab assistant telling another what i told the just for laughs monster who is also a lab assistant.
pretty funny hearing it from someone else.
but well
i spoke the truth,yes?
HIGHLIGHT OF TODAYas usual, all us pl lites were on board the bus which gets the most crowded,
bus 136
it is true, i admit,
i do get annoyed with some people who dont move in but sometimes one also has to think, most people dont notice how jammed up it is at the front.
a middle aged man sat with his two little grandkids at the front
the second bustop after the one we had all boarded at,
this middle aged man stood up and started telling us to move to the back.
i don't have a problem if you're telling us nicely
but he was telling us, reprimanding more like.
before the bus doors even managed to open properly he had stood up and shouted
"there is an old lady boarding the bus! can you move back! move back! are you going to let her stand on the steps?"
well i'm sorry that life isn't always tarty for everyone darling,
but it's not like we pl lites purposely wanna leave her on the steps so she'll crash through the window!
i move in as much as i can and the black guy sitting down in front of me mumbles:
"just sit down, why's he doing that? just sit down man, embarrassment!"
his girlfriend shakes her head as well.
they look like tourists but i like them immediately cos of what he's said(:
the middle aged man who shouted sits down and, pointing a finger at us standing (which is extremely rude by the way, not to mention condecending!)
he says,
"that's education!"
he turns round and starts lecturing the pl lites beside him who, unfortunately did not take of their class committee and class monitor badges and he points out that they should know better, being class monitors.
behind me, people laugh at his stupidity and his words of "that's education"
me, i don't give two hoots really
a couple more stops down i turn to see the two girls beside me move closer to the rails, and away from the seats. they smile and i can tell their actions were so
"they wouldn't start the ranting middle aged lunatic" again
i see him walk through them,
without so much as a thank you,
his two little cherubs trailing behind him and a grim look on his face like
"that's what i'm talking bout!"
me?
i don't move.
not that i dont have space, but the bus is moving you see.
i'd probably fall and so would he. possibly
basically, i dont move when the bus does.
my hand is on the seat handle just infront of the black guy.
the middle aged guy closes his hand on top of mine briefly and raises his head in a silent demand for me to move
"hold on," i say, " the bus is moving"
"excuse me! i need to get off!"
"hold on!" i almost shout, " the bus is moving!"
he sticks his finger into my face
"you ah!" he says, " you're trying to be naughty!"
i'm not even looking at him, i roll my eyes and stare him back
"no i'm not! there just isn't space and the bus is moving!"
"don't try to be funny, there's railings behind you!" his voice is raised.
he moves my hand off the handle i'm holding and towards the metal railings.
at this,
i am pissed off.
"WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU! CAN'T YOU JUST WAIT FOR THE BUS TO STOP? I DON'T WANNA FALL ON OTHER PEOPLE!"
his eyes wide,angry,he slaps me,
and there is a hush.
"oh my god, did you just slap me?"
i say this with partial amazement
"no no, i never, i wanted to ask you to move there"
bullshit baby, i win here.
turning to the pl lite beside me,
"did you just see? he just slapped me!"
she nods
"no no, i.. i..."
moving back to give him space now that the bus has stopped,
i dont stop there. hell no
"yes you did! oh my god! you just slapped me! a student in uniform! in front of your little kids too! what the fuck?"
the little ones jump off the bus and he says something indicating that it's me who's looking for trouble
he gets down,
"fucking shit" i say as the doors close, then they open
and he comes back up the door grabbing onto my wrist
"ugh!" i yelp
and twist outta his grasp
the black guy is half turned and telling him to stop bothering everyone
" you come with me!report! i'm going to report you to the police!"
eyes wide in pure amusement, i say
"report? when you're the one who slapped me?!"
"no no..."
"when everyone here saw?" i throw the question at him.
playing with this i go
"hey pl lites! did you see that guy slap me?!"
of course they say yes,
and so does an old man with big eye glasses as well as that black guy's girlfriend
old man: (hand raised) i saw him slap her!
girlfriend : yea, totally! he just slapped her!
ooooh honey, do need i say more?
the black guy kinda just tells the middle aged imbecile to stop bothering us and the back doors close
then they open again so that the driver can tell the black guy and his girl to get down cos it's their stop.
the middle aged guy is still ranting
i pass the lady the umbrella she left behind and she goes,
"thanks dear"
"welcome"
i reply.
through the window i see the black guy still telling the middle aged guy to shut up.
i just shake my head.
rene stretches out,
"hey charis, chill"
whispers of "wow, did you see that"
fill the bus
maryanne gives me a thumbsup when she alights and i smile back.
dory asks what happened cos she was there but at the front of the bus.
tsk
haha
so yea y'all.
my wrap up for today
im fucking late for my audition.
you know you love me(:
and yes, i do love my school
- xoxo
charis loves you
4:46 PM
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Sunday, August 13, 2006
and that's all that's left of skins,
of mrs hong
haha
this week's been okay i suppose
no school, really
haha
the first weekend after skins and i'm wondering why i'm not rushing some place or another
oh yes,
filming for the mtv wasn't very fun
i'd even say it pretty much sucked fuck
of course,
the plus point was being with vicky and munching at zion
after which she demanded that the new guy who fancied her pick us up and drop us off at the station
haha
i swear even if the thing is approved by mtv,
i'm not gonna do it.
i swear, i fucking swear
had a family picnic today(:
photos for my upcoming art project,
i'm excited though my last one's prep work isn't even fucking done
dinner was nice,
finished off the late harvest, yum(:
because i love you,
you know i do right?
that craving for you, which i'm trying to fight i'm closing my eyes,
and letting everything swirl
swirl around me
- xoxo
charis loves you
8:18 PM
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He was always such a nice boy
The quiet one
With good intentions
He was down for his brother
Respectful to his mother
A good boy
But good don't get attention
One kid with a promise
The brightest kid in school
He's not a fool
Reading books about science and smart stuff
It's not enough, no
Cause smart don't make you cool, whoa
He's not invisible anymore
With his Father's 9 and a broken fuse
Since he walked through that classroom door
He's all over primetime news
Mary's got the same size hands
As Marilyn Monroe
She put her fingers in the imprints
And danced Chinese Theater Show
She coulda been a movie star
Never got the chance to go that far
Her life was stole
Now we'll never know
No no no no oh
They were crying to the camera
Said he never fitted in
He wasn't welcomed
He showed up the parties
We was hanging in
Some guys puttin' him down
Bullying him round round
Now I wish I woulda talked to him
Gave him the time of day
Not turn away
If I woulda been the one to maybe go this far
He might have stayed at home
Playing angry chords on his guitar
He's not invisible anymore
With his baggy pants and his legs in chains
Since he walked through that classroom door
Everybody knows his name
Mary's got the same size hands (Oh)
As Marilyn Monroe
She put her fingers in the imprints (Ooh)
And danced Chinese Theater Show
She coulda been a movie star (She coulda been a movie star, oh)
Never got the chance to go that far
Her life was stole
Now we'll never know
(Now we'll never know, oh)
Greg was always getting net from 20 feet away (20 feet away)
He had a try out with the Sixers
Couldn't wait for Saturday (Saturday)
Now we're never gonna see him slam
Flying high as Kobe can
His life was stole (Stole)
Oh now we'll never know
Now we'll never never never know
Mmm now we'll never never never never know
Stole (Stole)
Oh whoa yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
Mary's got the same size hands (Same size hands)
As Marilyn Monroe (Oh)
She put her fingers in the imprints
And danced Chinese Theater Show (She was gonna be a star)
She coulda been a movie star (Oh no)
Never got the chance to go that far (Never got the chance)
Her life was stole (Stole, stole)
Oh now we'll never know
(Now we'll never never know, no)
Greg was always getting net from 20 feet away (He had game, oh)
He had a try out with the Sixers
Couldn't wait for Saturday
Now we're never gonna see him slam (Never see him)
Flying high as Kobe can
His life was stole (Stole, oh)
Oh now we'll never know
(Now we'll never never know)
Oh no no no
Yeah their lives were stole
- xoxo
charis loves you
8:14 PM
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Thursday, August 10, 2006
this poem is absolutely lovely!
i love it,
i swear
and the poet got barred from reading out his stuff
Singapore really needs to loosen up their buttons baby
i mean they started off with Sexpo which was amazing,
then they did gay pride
(and still took down pictures of girls in uniform)
i guess
this country's gonna have to take it slow
real slow
but anyway,
the poem's entitled Come on, Straight Boy
it was off vick's blog
Come On, Straight BoyCome on, straight boy, and make gay love with me.
One night of loving will not turn you queer
if queer is not what you will bend to be.
Loving a man is but a change of gears.
Why do it with a girl, an undulating
waterbed, and stress leaks pinched too late?
Why with an oven she loves regulating,
you stick your tray of cookies in, and wait?
Men love themselves when they love other men.
Loving themselves, they know well how to give
each other head, maneuver two or ten
round the bend of straightforward relief.
What have you got to lose? Leap, acrobat!
You can still fall back on pussy cat.
By Koh Jee Leong
wow. really
i love it
so anyway,
filming later with vicky for mtv
my eyes are swollen
and i don't know how the fuck i'm gonna sing
i swear
ugh
- xoxo
charis loves you
12:51 PM
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you keep me flyin'
you keep me smilin'
you keep me safe in a crazy world
you understand me
embrace my virginity
you keep me safe in a crazy world
cos when i'm wrapped up in your arms
nothing else can touch me
truly,
safe in a crazy world
is what i want to be,
really
all i need
but what i don't have,
only on some occassions
because i'm reaching out and no one's there.
and you're asking why i'm crying in despair stop these tears from falling,
i just wish you'd kiss away these tears
just one more time
i wish you were here,
with me
to hold me like you used to
and love me like you used to
just one more timenow have just become a distant memory
- xoxo
charis loves you
12:41 AM
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because your kiss makes everything alright tears that fill my nights and days
you standing there
just there,
but so
out of reach tell me when i didn't cry
why did it have to be like that?
there isn't really and answer,
i know.
goodnight world
i'll try not to see you through swollen eyes tomorrow
- xoxo
charis loves you
12:27 AM
(0) comments
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
you keep me safe in a crazy world Skins was ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL
oh yes it was,
and those who missed out,
too bad baby(:
anyway,
it's been recorded and word has it that it'll probably be sent out to a couple of schools,
you know,
for education purposes
of course,
there was the cheering, the screaming, the hugs and the kisses
and the low after the euphoria
extreme low due to a tad bit of bitchiness
but moving on
daddy came
as well as pastor andrew, mummy, alastair, janice
i hate goodbyes,
and i do hope,
that this time round,
for this production, it won't really be goodbye
so i woke up this morning,
rested and well
and realizing that my body wasn't gonna go to bed tired and stressed out about the coming up show
and i missed that
i missed needing to wake up for rehearsals
i missed needing to go for rehearsals
en qing suddenly texted after hearing our recording saying he missed training us
and all the rehearsals
awww
i guess we all do
and what anti climax after this
after The Father's Hand, it was horribly anti climax
after The Birds,
i forced myself to get outta it
but this
gee
twinnie thought gerad was cheating on her because his best friend said so
guys can be such fuckers sometimes
she made a statement which stuck with alastair
and that was, how could someone cheat on another after he's said he's loved her so much
all that jazz
i suppose that's all he thought about when annsley hugged kat and i,
when i hugged guys he'd never seen, never talked about
and when he came onstage after everything,
and stared as i hugged en qing after giving him chocolate cake
is it me? because i don't see what he sees?
but why, why is it like that?
does it always have to be? will it always?
my father cheated on my mother for eight years before he left
of course, at the time it was unforgiveable
well, it still is to a certain extent
but i've gotten over it more or less
i was looking at cheating from another point of view
ever been so so so in love?
and then another comes along, and it's like there's just something
there something you cannot ignore
a friend of mine has been in this situation
like about twice she was so torn, because she felt she was in love with someone else at the same time as Jordon
i don't think she ever cheated on him
okay, occassionals i must say, if you want to get technical
but i was thinking,
you could be in love with your boyfriend/ girlfriend and yet in love with someone else
your significant other could mean so much to you that you can't afford to lose them
and you don't want to risk that
but for just that moment,
you feel something for another person
you don't
mean to cheat
they always say that, don't they?
how can you possibly not mean to cheat?
but at first there's nothing wrong (or so one always fools oneself into thinking)
with going out with the other person without letting your significant other know
it's not
dating just a one on one outing, not dating
then it carries on, and before you know it,
you're torn between two lovers.
quite literally in some cases
so who's fault is it really?
we blame guys saying they're just horny
sometimes, well many times,
that's true
but then,
what about if you can't help having chemistry with someone?
ever thought of that?
chemistry isn't wrong i suppose
(i'm just typing everything out in general, taking no sides)
it's the falling in love bit
yea,
you can choose who you fall in love with
you think about the person just a little bit more
and fancy yourself to little indulgent thoughts of that person
outside your relationships
it's easier to say
"fuck this relationship, it's tying me down"
when you're hitting rocks
isn't that how it always is?
lunch today at kenny's was good,nice
the company was lovely
we walked around toys R us,
we're still kids,
really.
long bus ride
lovely lovely dinner
steak and Late Harvest 2005
oh yes, and to all who came down to watch Skins,
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU
IT WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN THE SAME WITHOUT YOU(:thanks so so so much for all the congratulations
and the flowers
and the hugs
and the kisses
mwah mwah to you too
love,
Mrs Hong
(sorry ah, still in character hor=D)
oh yes,
happy national day
whooopeedoo
- xoxo
charis loves you
11:20 PM
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Sunday, August 06, 2006
it's amazing how ironic life is,
how the sun can blind you in the morning
and yet you can be drenched in the rain by afternoon
or how you can be floating and happy
and so in love at the beginning of the day
and at the end of it,
you feel like crying the rest of your life away
the tears that fill my nights and days your shouts, your frustration, your annoyance
and my tears
i don't know what to think
i don't know where to turn my head
if you could only see
what's become of me my swollen, infected eyes
tell me what
i see
- xoxo
charis loves you
11:19 PM
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today was alright
sunday church and all
i've been having a series of nightmares,
all very different
starting from a huge face to face blow up with alastair's mother
and the latest,
i messed up my play
and i remember it was specifically,
the afternoon performance
i know having reached my crucial point in being my character,
i can safely say that i am no longer acting
i am fully,
my character
i'm dreaming eating sleeping breathing my fucking lines,
the words of every song,
the every movement i'll make onstage
at first i thought,
this shiate don't mean nothing
but obviously i proved myself wrong
this is important
it is
so i talked with gerad today
he doesnt know if he even wants twinnie back
and that's what scares me
that one day,
when i know with all my heart and soul that i love alastair,
and i can't live without him,
he won't want me back
i'm still in love so anyway,
i missed out yesterday's funniest part about giving en qing a makeover
and how he actually let us do it(:
hahah
then of course,
us actors ran round drawing on everyone
that's pretty much where our energy went la
haha
loves
- xoxo
charis loves you
7:51 PM
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some people want diamond rings
some just want everything
but everything means nothin
if i ain't got you because i realize,
how fortunate i am
truly
- xoxo
charis loves you
12:00 AM
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Saturday, August 05, 2006
calling out your name,
your face is everywhere
i'm reaching out to you
to find that you're not there
i wake up every night
to see the state i'm in
it's like an endless fight
i never seem to win
but i can't go on
as long as i believe
can't go on
when i keep wondering
where are you now
what have you found
where is your heart
when i'm not around
where are you now?
you gotta let me now
baby,
so i can let you go but really,
this just describes my right now
my right now
lunch was absolutely lovely
i loved the company
and i've never been able to spend quality time like that
for ages
rehearsals were amaaaaaaziiiing today
energy up for first full run
but i ran out by full run 2
(:
oopsie
but amazing nonetheless
huuuuge order-in for dinner(:
macs,
courtesy of Ranjeet
ranjeet wants me to guest star in an upcoming event
secret secret(:
aaaaaaaanyyyyywaaaaayyyy
SKINS IS COMING OUUUUUUUUTWHEEEEEEE
mummy just made me honey and lemon!
oooh all nice and warm
she's such a daaaaaarling
en qing practised practised practiiiiised with me
and now, according to him, i'm more or less peeeerfect
wheeeee
and today,
i think today,
i managed to meet my mark as Mrs Hong(:
i can't wait for skiiiins
really
okay if you're reading this
and you wanna watch it
it'll be out on tv on tuesday night
(:
too bad you won't get to be there live
tooo bad tooo baaaad
- xoxo
charis loves you
11:45 PM
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Friday, August 04, 2006
and the shadows grow longer,
time steals away it's misty,
and i only see his back
he's walking,
he's walking away
bit by bit,
i'm learning to let you go
i will,
i will let you go
i'll let you have your own space
and your own time
i will keep a leash around myself
because
because i have to
i know i do
and you know i do
i love the special little things you do,
which make me feel so special
like your
choco baby for no apparent reason
so random
so beautiful
which makes me know
how much i still mean to you
how much you do actually love me
but you see, after a while,
i don't want to hope
because i don't want to be disappointed
that's what happened last time,
that's why i allowed the distance
because i took the advice of not putting your happiness on other people
i realized sometimes the person you least expect to,
lets you down the most
now, the distance is just there you know?
well sometimes it's there and sometimes it's not
this distance
i'm so in love,
so so so in love
but like i told my twinnie today,
who coincidentally was having a shitty day,
there's not much we can do, is there?
when we're so terribly in love with the guys that seem to just break our hearts most well but, i don't even think they do it intentionally
today was a pretty crummy day
because of this that and the other
cried like three times or something
well it helped the song
i guess
when i envisioned him walking away
in the mist
bad days just happen i guess
en qing took this,
he said i looked like the cat.
roitte'
whateverrr
rehearsals til 8.30
and tomorrow,
all the way til 9pm
oh my gawwwd
i swear i'm just gonna collapse and die
it's amazing how an 18 year old still needs his daddy so much.
so much and how beautiful that is
really
- xoxo
charis loves you
10:50 PM
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sometimes the person you love most, is the one that hurts you the deepest. insensitive words and unthought-out comments
time and time again
but they're nothing because
the tears have fallen
and it's just another ordinary day
it's strange that you can love someone so much,
after such a long time
and wonder what keeps you loving that person
even til now
"a whole new world, that's where we'll be"
but is it?
- xoxo
charis loves you
11:56 AM
(0) comments
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
1st SEPTEMBER! Youth Empire
presents an
OUTDOOR PARTY! 'The KRUNK Market' at
TANJONG
BEACH SENTOSA!
The 1st LARGEST, over 100 stalls FLAMBOYANT
and
FACINATING midnight market along side with
KRUNK
R&B Beach Party.
Presenting surprise performances - The Flesh
Parade.
From the same people who brought you VAUNT @
MOS! THIS will be a bigger
event with more space to dance, more people to
get to
know and more things to do!
From 6pm - 6am
16 years old and above.
$20 presale includes 1 drink & island entry.
If you're interested in renting a stall, RSVP of
space.
$70 deposit, $40 refunded on the day itself. The
best
decorated stall will win 2 TICKETS TO NEW
YORK’S
hell kitchen! Each store will be 2 meters by 2
meters.
You will be able to sell any products or services in
this
midnight market, in fact you are encouraged to
come
up with the most unique and provocative ideas!
Second-hand vintage goods, food, hair services
(braiding, hair spray etc.) or even interesting game
stalls like beer punk, kissing/stripping booth, arm
wrestling, condom blowing or whatever creative
game
ideas you can think of!
Or if you are able to do tarot cards readings, do
HARDO GAY or miss swan impersonations,
provide
make-over; or any other interesting concepts, we
need YOU to spice up our event!
BRING your PETS, BIKINIS, LIGHT STICKS and
FRIENDS. Its going to be one wild night to
remember.
call me(:
98803471
- xoxo
charis loves you
10:31 PM
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Can you name 13 people you love most
& can think of right off the top of your head? Don't
read the questions underneath until you write the
names of all 13 people...This is a lot funnier if
you actually randomly list the names first...No
Cheating!!!
1.Alastair
2. mummy
3. Bird
4. vicky
5.dory
6.ann
7. glenn
8.aidan
9. zoe
10. twinnie
11. marisse
12. ashley
13. shiyun
How did you meet 10?
- friends of friends
What would you do if you had never met 1?
- i swear i would't have lived so long
What would you do if 6 and 2 dated?
- well people mistake them for mother daughter.
and it'd just be the epitomy of GAY
Have you ever seen 4 cry?
- mmmhmmm
Do you think 1 is cute?
- absolutely
How did you get to know 8?
- church two years ago
Would you ever go on a date with number 12?
- i think we've gone past that and i'm taken(:
What's 7's Favorite color?
- gee, i really dont know
What would you do if 6 confessed they loved you?
- I KNEW IT ALL ALONG.
"aww. that's sweet"
Fact about 9:
- she's thee cutest little thing who loves playing catch
Who is 4 going out with?
- HER VIBRATOR.
she goes "uuuhhhh. i'm aaaaall alone tonight. i am loser and pathetic"
(:
who is number 5 to you?
- one of theee bestest kissers among friends.haha
Would you ever live with 13?
- i suppose?
Is 2 single?
- EXTREMELY(:
Where does 7 live?
- LA California, San Gabriel
What do you think about 3?
- she's my best friend and she's cute(:
What's the best thing about number 8?
- he's gentle in his ow way
What do you like about number 11?
- completely and utterly crazy in every sense of the word
Favorite Memory with 1?
- sitting in the mrt station for over an hour, just singing(:
Repost as "Can you name 13 people you love
most?"
- xoxo
charis loves you
10:24 PM
(0) comments
sometimes it just takes a moment
and then
everything special starts to dissolve
words have less meaning
and so does everything else around you
- xoxo
charis loves you
10:56 AM
(0) comments
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
this was on marisse's blog
and maybe it was because of how the passage started off with a
"dear baby,"
and ended off with a
"love, mommy"
but basically i read it,
and i didn't just run my eyes over the words
i let it absorb and i took it in and i found it ever so beautiful
As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever
let you down probably will.
You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every
time.
You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken.
You'll fight with your best friend.
You'll blame a new love for things an old one did.
You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone
you love.
So take too many pictures,
laugh too much,
and love like you've never been hurt
because every sixty seconds you spend upset
is a minute of happiness
you'll never get back.so the weekend was good,
at one point in time i found myself cold and alone as i took a long walk
i dissolved into tears and called ann
i guess in many ways i never expected anyone to understand per say,
but she did
she did
and that meant a lot
alastair got worried when he heard of course,
and i guess a part of him wondered and still wonders now why i didn't talk to him about stuff like that
whether or not we're in a relationship
but well,
i don't know
he knew about her,
but i don't think he knew
about her
i don't think i'm making sense to most people here
well thanks ann(:
apparently there was a surprise party,
i do hope alastair had fun.
especially considering it was all his old classmates and everyone knows how special they are to each other
throat infection since like two weeks ago,
sucks fuck i'm telling you.
my play is coming out in exactly a week
tomorrow is a special day for mummy and i
and thursday mummy has a date with the Bird
sec4 farewell was amazing.
well duh(:
guess who helped plaaaan
okay, enough
i guess the most beautiful part,
would have to be,
without a single doubt,
the dedications.
it was supposed to be so special
from us sec threes to the sec fours
but of course,
during dedication time
everyone else wants to dedicate
and how oyounger could i possibly tell the younger ones,
no. this is a sec three thing
as a result,
some people got more dedications,
some people got less
but we all know the one and only who got NONE
J_H_N_A
that's cos no one likes her
okay i'm being mean
to me,
in some ways,
it( the personal dedications)
get touching only to a certain extent
then when everyone does it
it's not that special
so in some ways
the non-sec 3 dedications kinda ruined it
but what the hell la
i mean,
if i was a junior and i had something to say,
i'd kick myself for not having the chance to do so
i wanted to upload a couple of pictures
and move on to some other stuff
but well
the damn thing isn't working
fuckshit
i look at you,
i see your heart
i'm only just starting to get to know you
my getaway weekend
- xoxo
charis loves you
1:30 PM
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meet little zach 
peeeeektooores!(: