with |ove; me

Friday, August 04, 2006

and the shadows grow longer,
time steals away

it's misty,
and i only see his back
he's walking,
he's walking away

bit by bit,
i'm learning to let you go
i will,
i will let you go
i'll let you have your own space
and your own time
i will keep a leash around myself
because
because i have to

i know i do

and you know i do

i love the special little things you do,
which make me feel so special
like your choco baby for no apparent reason
so random
so beautiful

which makes me know
how much i still mean to you
how much you do actually love me

but you see, after a while,
i don't want to hope
because i don't want to be disappointed

that's what happened last time,
that's why i allowed the distance

because i took the advice of not putting your happiness on other people

i realized sometimes the person you least expect to,
lets you down the most

now, the distance is just there you know?
well sometimes it's there and sometimes it's not
this distance

i'm so in love,
so so so in love

but like i told my twinnie today,
who coincidentally was having a shitty day,

there's not much we can do, is there?
when we're so terribly in love with the guys that seem to just break our hearts most

well but, i don't even think they do it intentionally

today was a pretty crummy day
because of this that and the other
cried like three times or something

well it helped the song
i guess
when i envisioned him walking away
in the mist

bad days just happen i guess

en qing took this,
he said i looked like the cat.
roitte'

whateverrr

rehearsals til 8.30
and tomorrow,
all the way til 9pm
oh my gawwwd

i swear i'm just gonna collapse and die

it's amazing how an 18 year old still needs his daddy so much.
so much

and how beautiful that is
really

- xoxo
charis loves you
10:50 PM

Comments: Post a Comment

only yours baby

i'm charis vera Ng,
i'm NOT a Singaporean, i was born in UK
but i spent most of my four years in scotland
i love alastair(:
i'm doing my best to live for God though i often fail miserably

ok,try this:
you're this girl who's flown over to this country when you're no more than four years of age
you resent your dad for it,
and it doesn't help when things between your parents don't work out either.

so you miss your home terribly,
you miss going strawberry-picking,
you miss eating boiled eggs out of egg-cups
and you miss warm and cuddly Uncle John and Aunty Esther.

instead,
you find yourself forced to change
and adapt in a horribly hot place
where in primary school,
you meet cold,heartless little kids who ignore you and don't let you play "family"
just cos your accent is different.
early on,
you get weird looks and you find yourself going for recess breaks alone.
your classmates complain to the class teacher when you call them stupid
because they don't understand what to you is simple english.
but they leave you alone when you call them an imbecile
because they don't know what it means.
your primary 1 & 2 class teacher takes joy in complaining to your mummy
because she detests you.
she detests you for constantly correcting her english grammer and pronunciation in front of the class
you soon realize that you can actually gain and keep friends upon them finding out your mother's an actress
but by that time you've more or less forced yourself to lose your accent which makes communication a lot easier anyway.

that was the little girl charis,
now,
on top of that,
i can be a total biotch sometimes, towards people.
and don't tell me you aren't sometimes please.
but i try my very best not to bitch about people.
im a dangerous shopper(=
i never know what i want or need til i see it.

i don't like television.
now that's a first innit?HAH.
bet you never knew someone who didn't like tv
well i don't
and i'm not trying to be different and difficult
it's noisy and boring
i like music:)
i find eating a chore but i love snacking
figure that out
i find certain kinds of pain addictive,
no, i promise i'm still sane.

which is actually pretty remarkable for someone living here,
in this time and place
where you normally get loads of homework,
tests with questions that look like they're in foreign language,
and where everything's a competition to be the best,
the prettiest,
the most popular,
the most hated,
the thinnest,
the fattest, the coolest
the list goes on.
one shouldn't try to be something you're not,
but everyone knows that's easier said than done.
like duurh.