alone i was
before your love
when i saw you
i knew my life was touched

i saw your smile
and then i knew
that everything i felt
inside was true

i saw your smile
and then i knew
that i was gonna spend
my life with you


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Wednesday, August 09, 2006

you keep me safe in a crazy world

Skins was ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL

oh yes it was,
and those who missed out,
too bad baby(:

anyway,
it's been recorded and word has it that it'll probably be sent out to a couple of schools,
you know,
for education purposes

of course,
there was the cheering, the screaming, the hugs and the kisses
and the low after the euphoria
extreme low due to a tad bit of bitchiness
but moving on


daddy came
as well as pastor andrew, mummy, alastair, janice

i hate goodbyes,
and i do hope,
that this time round,
for this production, it won't really be goodbye

so i woke up this morning,
rested and well
and realizing that my body wasn't gonna go to bed tired and stressed out about the coming up show
and i missed that
i missed needing to wake up for rehearsals
i missed needing to go for rehearsals

en qing suddenly texted after hearing our recording saying he missed training us
and all the rehearsals
awww
i guess we all do

and what anti climax after this

after The Father's Hand, it was horribly anti climax
after The Birds,
i forced myself to get outta it
but this
gee

twinnie thought gerad was cheating on her because his best friend said so
guys can be such fuckers sometimes
she made a statement which stuck with alastair
and that was, how could someone cheat on another after he's said he's loved her so much
all that jazz

i suppose that's all he thought about when annsley hugged kat and i,
when i hugged guys he'd never seen, never talked about
and when he came onstage after everything,
and stared as i hugged en qing after giving him chocolate cake

is it me? because i don't see what he sees?
but why, why is it like that?
does it always have to be? will it always?

my father cheated on my mother for eight years before he left
of course, at the time it was unforgiveable
well, it still is to a certain extent
but i've gotten over it more or less

i was looking at cheating from another point of view
ever been so so so in love?
and then another comes along, and it's like there's just something there
something you cannot ignore
a friend of mine has been in this situation
like about twice she was so torn, because she felt she was in love with someone else at the same time as Jordon
i don't think she ever cheated on him
okay, occassionals i must say, if you want to get technical

but i was thinking,
you could be in love with your boyfriend/ girlfriend and yet in love with someone else
your significant other could mean so much to you that you can't afford to lose them
and you don't want to risk that
but for just that moment,
you feel something for another person

you don't mean to cheat

they always say that, don't they?
how can you possibly not mean to cheat?

but at first there's nothing wrong (or so one always fools oneself into thinking)
with going out with the other person without letting your significant other know
it's not dating
just a one on one outing, not dating
then it carries on, and before you know it,
you're torn between two lovers.
quite literally in some cases

so who's fault is it really?
we blame guys saying they're just horny
sometimes, well many times,
that's true
but then,
what about if you can't help having chemistry with someone?
ever thought of that?

chemistry isn't wrong i suppose
(i'm just typing everything out in general, taking no sides)
it's the falling in love bit
yea,
you can choose who you fall in love with
you think about the person just a little bit more
and fancy yourself to little indulgent thoughts of that person
outside your relationships

it's easier to say
"fuck this relationship, it's tying me down"
when you're hitting rocks

isn't that how it always is?

lunch today at kenny's was good,nice
the company was lovely
we walked around toys R us,
we're still kids,
really.

long bus ride

lovely lovely dinner
steak and Late Harvest 2005

oh yes, and to all who came down to watch Skins,

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU
IT WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN THE SAME WITHOUT YOU(:

thanks so so so much for all the congratulations
and the flowers
and the hugs
and the kisses

mwah mwah to you too

love,
Mrs Hong
(sorry ah, still in character hor=D)

oh yes,
happy national day
whooopeedoo

- xoxo
charis loves you
11:20 PM

credits

layout by chris. (:

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just for laughs
my boyfriend's a twat
overheard in New York

peeeeektooores!(:

only yours baby

i'm charis vera Ng,
i'm NOT a Singaporean, i was born in UK
but i spent most of my four years in scotland
i love alastair(:
i'm doing my best to live for God though i often fail miserably

ok,try this:
you're this girl who's flown over to this country when you're no more than four years of age
you resent your dad for it,
and it doesn't help when things between your parents don't work out either.

so you miss your home terribly,
you miss going strawberry-picking,
you miss eating boiled eggs out of egg-cups
and you miss warm and cuddly Uncle John and Aunty Esther.

instead,
you find yourself forced to change
and adapt in a horribly hot place
where in primary school,
you meet cold,heartless little kids who ignore you and don't let you play "family"
just cos your accent is different.
early on,
you get weird looks and you find yourself going for recess breaks alone.
your classmates complain to the class teacher when you call them stupid
because they don't understand what to you is simple english.
but they leave you alone when you call them an imbecile
because they don't know what it means.
your primary 1 & 2 class teacher takes joy in complaining to your mummy
because she detests you.
she detests you for constantly correcting her english grammer and pronunciation in front of the class
you soon realize that you can actually gain and keep friends upon them finding out your mother's an actress
but by that time you've more or less forced yourself to lose your accent which makes communication a lot easier anyway.

that was the little girl charis,
now,
on top of that,
i can be a total biotch sometimes, towards people.
and don't tell me you aren't sometimes please.
but i try my very best not to bitch about people.
im a dangerous shopper(=
i never know what i want or need til i see it.

i don't like television.
now that's a first innit?HAH.
bet you never knew someone who didn't like tv
well i don't
and i'm not trying to be different and difficult
it's noisy and boring
i like music:)
i find eating a chore but i love snacking
figure that out
i find certain kinds of pain addictive,
no, i promise i'm still sane.

which is actually pretty remarkable for someone living here,
in this time and place
where you normally get loads of homework,
tests with questions that look like they're in foreign language,
and where everything's a competition to be the best,
the prettiest,
the most popular,
the most hated,
the thinnest,
the fattest, the coolest
the list goes on.
one shouldn't try to be something you're not,
but everyone knows that's easier said than done.
like duurh.