Thursday, March 30, 2006
Strong Enough
As I rest against this cold, hard wall
Will you pass me by?
Will you criticize me as I sit and cry?
I had fought so hard and thought that all my battles had been won
Only to find the war has just begun
Is He not strong enough?
Is He not pure enough?
To break me, pour me out, and start again
Is He not brave enough?
To take one chance on me
Please can I have one chance to start again?
Will my weakness for an hour make me suffer for a lifetime?
Is there anyway to be made whole again?
If I'm healed,renewed, and find forgiveness find the strength I've never had
Will my scars forever ruin all God's plan?
Is He not strong enough?
Is He not pure enough?
To break me, pour me out, and start again
Is He not brave enough?
To take one chance on me
Please can I have one chance to start again?
He took my life into his hands and it turned it all around
In my most desperate circumstance
It's there I've finally found
That You are strong enough
That You are pure enough
To break me, pour me out and start again
That You are brave enough
To take one chance on me
Oh Thank You for my chance to start againit was dark when i walked there, alone
my slippers with it's odd squeaky sound as my feet rubbed against it was the only sound in the eerie quiet night.
it had been some time since i'd been there
and it was beautiful,
oh so very beautiful
it was breezy,
especially as i neared the sea
minimal light from the lamposts shone through bits of the trees all over the place
trees which in the day wouldn't have seemed so scary but in the night,
cast weird and strangely formed shadows
a cat ran across my path,
startling me just a bit.
well,
it could be anything from a wild rabbit to an oversized rat
either way,
it wouldn't jump out at me and go ROAR
another cat followed after that,
hah.
i was less startled this time
as i walk slowly,
and alone,
i notice everything around me
dark
like the long road that seemed to stretch before me
a lone tree worshipper stood on a bench worshipping one of the many trees
i walked on,
then i came to the sea,
finally.
just beside where the ships were
oh it was beautiful,
i just stood there for a full ten minutes,
letting go of everything as the wind helped pull it from me
and i let go,
and cast them all into the sea
i stared far out and wondered what people on the other lighted places thought when they saw the semi-lighted place where i now stood
beautiful,
oh how beautiful it was
- xoxo
charis loves you
5:10 PM
(0) comments
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
click to enlarge if you can't see it.
it's the musical cast(:
<3
i went to suzie tan's website
and i found this link to
"finding more about the musical"
and i found this page,
this page i swear i had never seen before. ever
there were pictures of myself i had never seen before!
and the reason why i'm writing all this down,
is because there was a comments section.
feedback from the audience
and i'm just gonna highlight a couple cos i don't know everyone who gave comments
most have probably already left the school
anyway:
Why did you like the musical? "I like it because my friends were there." - Vicky Tan, 1c2
"Almost all the parts where the cactus woman appeared" - Elizabeth, 1B3
Which one of the cast did you like best?" I liked the cactus woman as the part she played was excellent" - Amutha 1c2
Which song did you like? Why? " The Father's Hand. The melody is harmonious and the words are meaningful"
- Kristel, 1A2
oh and even i didnt know that Jambres was supposed to speak in a french accent
i don't know if i would've been able to do it back then but i can do it now,
and clara wanted to play my role anyway!
pfft
we could've swapped roles and didn't even know.
i saw a couple of pictures of me and ack!
i look so thin!
pfft
urgh
i'm gonna go on a diiieeet.
pfft
and i'm gonna start going to school
because i've kinda looked at all the comments
and i feel bad
cos i used to represent so much
and suddenly
suddenly i don't.
and ms gan hates me
and stuff like that
so
yes(:
I MISS THE FATHER'S HAND '04
I MISS EVERYONE FROM THE MUSICAL CAAAAST!
I DEMAND A REUNION!
<3
- xoxo
charis loves you
5:40 PM
(0) comments
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
filmed at vick's.
suprisingly short actually
then i walked home from white sands
and just when it's so bad that the only solution is a goodbye,
you turn up.
and your kiss changes my mindmy feet hurt.
school tomorrow
eck
i wish you were here
- xoxo
charis loves you
11:28 PM
(0) comments
fuck this is damn scary. and freaky
very freaky.
talk about the devil sending you confirmation signs!
well, at least he sent it to them
or he made this coincidences.
eck
1) New York City has 11 letters
2) Afghanistan has 11 letters.
3) Ramsin Yuseb (The terrorist who
threatened to
destroy the Twin
Towers in 1993) has 11 letters.
4) George W Bush has 11 letters.
This could be a mere coincidence, but
this gets
more
interesting:
1) New York is the 11th state.
2) The first plane crashing against the
Twin
Towers
was flight number
11.
3) Flight 11 was carrying 92 passengers. 9
+ 2 =
11
4) Flight 77 which also hit Twin Towers,
was
carrying
65 passengers.
6+5 = 11
5) The tragedy was on September 11, or
9/11 as it
is
now known. 9 + 1+ 1 = 11
6) The date is equal to the US emergency
services
telephone number 911.
9 + 1 + 1 = 11.
Sheer coincidence..?! Read on and make
up your
own mind:
1) The total number of victims inside all
the hi-
jacked
planes was 254. >2 + 5 + 4 = 11.
2) September 11 is day number 254 of the
calendar
year.
Again 2 + 5 + 4 = 11.
3) The Madrid bombing took place on
3/11/2004. 3
+
1 + 1 + 2 + 4 = 11.
4) The tragedy of Madrid happened 911
days after
the Twin Towers
incident.
>Now this is where things get totally eerie:
>
>The most recognised symbol for the US,
after the
Stars & Stripes, is the Eagle. The
following verse
is
taken from the Quran, the Islamic
>holy book:
>"For it is written that a son of Arabia
would
awaken a
fearsome Eagle. he wrath of the Eagle
would be
felt
throughout the lands of Allah and lo,
while some of
the
people trembled in despair still more
rejoiced: for
the
wrath of the Eagle cleansed the lands of
Allah and
there was peace."
>
>That verse is number 9.11 of the Quran.
>
>Still uncovinced about all of this..?! Try
this and
see
how you feel afterwards, it made my hair
stand on
end:
>
>Open Microsoft Word and do the
following:
>
>1. Type in capitals Q33 NY. This is the
flight
number
of the first
>plane to hit one of the Twin Towers.
>
>2. Highlight the Q33 NY.
>
>3. Change the font size to 48.
>
>4. Change the actual font to the
WINGDINGS
- xoxo
charis loves you
3:07 PM
(0) comments
THIS IS MY TWO HUNDRED AND FIRST POST
wheee
1.Where have you been an hour ago?
- walking around the market and to the doctors
2. State your name?
- charis vera Ng Mei Yi
3. Do you like your name?
- mmmhmm
4. Can you remember what you did on the first day
of your school?
- this year? well, for a start i actually went to school!
5. What do you want to be ten years from now?
- charis the stage actress/singer
6. What did u feel upon receiving emails?
- OOOH! EMAIL!
7. At what age you first learned to use a pc?
- about 7 i guess
8. Have you ever eaten any exotic food?
- oooh(: what do you mean by exotic? haha
9. What was the last illness that you had?
- a horrible sore throat after cheering like crazy.
GO ARCHER(:
10. Do you like listening to rap music?
- now and then
11. Have you ever thought of driving the train to
uni ?
- to university you mean? nope.
12. What did you do last 1st November 2004?
- 2004? i don't know. i was busy being excited to go back to LA
13. Which do you prefer? sunny days or rainy
days??
- light rainy(:
14. When was the last time you browsed the bible?
- last week or the week before i think?
15. What is the brand of your first wristwatch?
- quartz. when i actually wear a watch that is.
16. Look at your back. what did you see?
- at my own back? erm, the back of my t-shirt(:
17. Say something about the person whom u like.
- everyone likes him too. well durh, he's just so likeable
18. Do you sing while you are taking a bath?
- mmmmhmmm. when i want to
19. What did you have for breakfast today?
- sausage and egg mcmuffin meal and haha
*knowing smile*
20. Your last dream that you remembered?
- some camp with students from my mom's bible college
21. What do you usually say when you meet a
person?
- if it's someone i know i'll wave(:
22. Do you agree on the saying "to forgive is to
forget"?
- nope, you forgive and you don't bring it up. but remembering makes you more careful
23. Last thing you held before using the computer?
- my cell phone
24. Where is the place you always dreamed of?
- this gorgeous place, with nothing more than trees, moss covered rocks all by this gorgeous flowing river and a huge waterfall
25. When was the last time your tears fell?
- last night
26. Are you goin to leave your parents in time?
- but momma will always have the family home for me to go back to(:
27. At what age you are ready to get married?
- 20 but i'll wait til im about 24
28. Long hair or spikey?
- both baby, both.
29. First person to run to if you are depressed?
- bird
30. Whats the last movie you watched?
- was it rumour has it? i can't be that backdated can i?
31. Who was the last person you sms?
- beekay buuu
32. What was your worst flood experience?
- well it was my first and only i guess. the lowest level of my nursery was flooded with ankle deep water
33. Were you attracted to a person ten years older
than you?
- haha. he was twelve years older than me actually. but cute, at that point in time, nonetheless
34. Are you happy at this point of your life?
- quite. did a wee bit of shopping, bought something for my daughter! i'm satisfied
35. What do you want to eat tomorrow?
- nothing if i can help it.
36. Are you in love now?
- mmmhmmm. very much so
37. With whom?
- Alastair alastair alastair(: <3
- xoxo
charis loves you
2:57 PM
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Sunday, March 26, 2006
it was so much more,
so much more than how i thought it would be
so much more than i thought i would feel
that strange ache when she told me
oh it happened again
just like that last time
and anyone could see how in love she was,
oh she was head over heels
she went on rebounds,
she loved again and i thought it was it
i wondered how he loved her,
imagined them together
i played with the silent movies in my head
it wasn't that i hadn't gotten over him
haha
no, it wasn't that at all
first cut is the deepest, maybe?
he was the first guy i,
i wouldn't say i had a crush on,
but i thought i had feelings for.
he was the first guy i went on a date with.
he was the first guy with whom i experienced butterflies and flutters
the first guy who sent me ecards to tell me he missed me
the first guy i'd talk to on the phone every chance i got
the first guy for who i'd sneak out at night to use the computer for,
just to chat with him online
i remember something, this one small incident which meant the world to me
when my friend heard everything, she said
"how can you be so sure? he could always be pretending"
and i swear, my phone was in my hands at that time, it vibrated with a message
from his friend's phone because he didn't have his own
a message with
"i'm in camp dear, i really miss you"
or something along that line
i remember how much that meant
i remember and it will always remain a special memory.
as i have said, it's not that i still have feelings
i don't think i had real feelings at the start even,
it's just seeing that same person
oh so in love
yeaa,
it's that
anyway,
can't wait for today(:
<3
- xoxo
charis loves you
11:35 AM
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today was fine i guess
auditions took wayway way longer than expected
missed out on a would've been date with alastair):
the auditions were good
it's an onstage production
and my singing today wasn't that bad
wheee.
i got a part
dumdeedum
filming tomorrow at bella's
haha
non stop acting
back to school on monday(:
- xoxo
charis loves you
1:26 AM
(0) comments
Friday, March 24, 2006
How can I sing when my words have run dry
How can I smile with a tear in my eye
Summer's so lost when it's raining in June
That's how it feels
When I'm missing you i remember the first date i ever went on.
i remember how it ended
i kissed him on the cheek and walked off,
the next minute he was beside me mumbling something about walking me to my bus stop.
i hid a smile
today,
that was i think what i was hoping, wishing for.
i wanted to pretend i didn't really mind or care and walked off without looking back,
but when i was sure he'd be outta sight,
i turned around.
yea,
he was outta sight
and inside i'd hoped he wouldn't be outta sight.
you know that feeling,
when you like someone?
and you don't know if that person likes you back,
and you keep checking your phone for texts or something, a sign, anything
that the other person's thinking about you too.
it pretty much feels that way.
haha
don't be too nice to me my darling, i might love you a little too much. and i don't know if i could. not because my heart cannot love, but because i'm not sure if i actually can at all. perhaps it's because my eyes can't cry anymore
- xoxo
charis loves you
11:10 PM
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this month is so not my month.
thursday was yesterday,
well yesterday wasn't too bad.
today was sports day
i decided i'd be there
i used to wish i was in chew house
but since about primary 5 school
i've grown to love my house
so yeaa...
i just wanted to be there and cheerlead like i did last year,
and the year before that,
and the year before that,
and the year before...
well you get the picture.
when i got that and wanted to get all decor-ed up with war paint,
SA called me and curled her finger inwards,
in her usual condecending way,
indicating for me to come over to her.
i did so and she told me she didn't want me up in front cheering.
so i moved myself up,
up as in right at the top.
everyone knows,
if you can't sit right at the front and be rah rah,
sit right at the back where you can sleep.
oh fuck,
i tried but it's veryvery difficult to be enthusiastic.
finally,
after MUCH debating and looking out for SA,
i decided it would just go down and get myself war painted on in the hopes of giving my enthusiasm a boost.
of course,
being around with people i knew and having so much excitement around me,
i automatically became all hyped up.
helloooo.
forget the war paint, i didn't need that.
but yeaa anyway,
i got war painted on anyway then started cheering along wildly.
somehow in between looking out for SA
i must say,
archer was louder than always.
unresponsive,
but loud in their own right which is good.
anyway,
there came the inevitable cheer compitition for which we had won last year.
there wasn't anything planned for this year,
so we figured something out.
i wasn't keen on standing at the front, especially as SA
seemed to somehow appear to participate in the cheer competition.
i remember whispering to someone i had to get outta the front but in the end decided to stay,
because i thought,
no matter how bad a record a kid has,
it has nothing to do with her wanting to cheer her house on.
in fact,
doesn't it make it better?she actually cares about something.
i figured if she saw me up there, cheering loudly,
though against her wishes,
she'd leave me be because how can you tell someone off ad take away her enthusiasm when you're trying to get about 250 other people to be enthusiastic?
but trust her to be the one and only who's able to do that.
i heard a shout of my name and i crawled out meekly,
unlike the screaming cheerleader i had been not more than half a minute ago
"i told you not to be at the front already!"
i tried explaining but as always they don't realy care
bla bla bla.
fuck it's hard half screaming when you feel like you're just gonna cry.
she picked on my behaviour and attendence in school.
she said im not exemplary and if people see me up there they'll think
"how come she's ever in school and gets to stand in front"
first of all,
what does that have to fucking do with anything?
second of all,
no one will get upset seeing people in front.
duh.
but anyway,
i'm ot gonna get upset cos i know it's mainly my fault
stuff like that wouldn't happen
if i'd fucking been in school to begin with
and ner's saying she actually was worried and concerned.
so anyway,
i was upset that in the end i had to crawl back upstairs and be fucking annoyed with those irritating people to the right front and back of me.
in fact,
i was so anoyed that i tolf off the girls in front of me and was gonna proceed to the annoying oversized vibrator beside me but decided it'd make em think that i'm annoyed and irritated and taking it out on everyone.
stupid sec2s beside me
besides being a fucking oversized vibrator she started sharing the rice in her shaker with her friend.
and i do mean sharing,
she was soo fascinated that she could tear the can,
and she decided to put more rice into her friend's can.
pfft.
annoying
meanwhile the people behind me were...
urgh
i shan't talk about it.
so anyway,
the after meet cheered me up a lot.
like a lot.
went all out to be ah lianx
haha
complete with getting sweeties from mini toons and talking ah lian with eileen and siew hwee who i saw there.
haha
lunch and then home.
slept after bathing til 7.47pm
i think going out today was good.
and i had fun
yea
i loved it
you make me love you so much
sometimes i don't know what to do
i don't know how to feel
or what to say
and i hate it when i feel this way.
i'm lost baby,
i'm so tired and so lost
i'm missing you, but i'm pretty alone anyway,
to conclude today in a couple of words
FUN. LOUD. CRAZY. SAD. HARSH. CONFUSED.
WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
- xoxo
charis loves you
9:45 PM
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Wednesday, March 22, 2006
im not in school.
tummy ache.
diahorrea followed by fucking constipation.
dammit
The ‘You’ Interview
1. What religion do you believe in ?
: Christianity
2. Who’s your bestest best friend in the whole world?
: Other than God, family and alastair… Bird(:
3. What was the first line you said to your best friend?
: “can I borrow your stapler?”
4. who’s your favorite singer/rapper?
: Janis Ian, Christina Auguilera
5. What songs do you like from (Qs 3) ?
: Janis Ian’s Seventeen and Christina Auguilera, well I like most of her songs
but Reflection and Voice Within is a personal favourite
6: Favorite band (s) ?
: Backstreet Boys. Whether they break up or get back, they’re an old favourite. classic
7: Favorite songs from (Qs 6?)
: More than that, how did I fall in love with you, That’s what she said
8 : Favorite Color?
: RED, black, white, grey, green
9: Do you draw well?
:nope I can hardly draw actually. But I can copy drawings! (:
10: What do you spend most of the time doing?
:talking on the phone with alastair, lying in bed missing alastair, singing to myself in my imaginary concert. Haha.
It also depends on my latest project like a new show or something
11: Who do you think you really are?
: that’s deep.
I’m someone who’s thinking differs quite a bit from people my age, not that it’s exactly good or anything. There’s a very young immature little charis inside me who struggles to get out which explains some of my loves like running in the rain or screaming for no reason.
I’m really nothing more than a girl with big dreams who can be confident and can be an emotional wreck all at the same time
12: Where are you right now?
: In the living room
13: Any enemies?
: define enemies. There are people I don’t like and who don’t like me.
I don’t call them enemies, just people I don’t like.
14: Favorite shows?
: The Nanny, committed
15. (For those who watch The O.C) Do you like Summer?
: Yeaa, she’s a bitch at first but she’s hot and turns out to be really really nice.
I hate marissa. HAH
16. Favorite movies?
: My Best Friend’s Wedding. it’s a classic
17. Favorite characters? (from movies)
: Colin Farrell and the girl who acted as Sanchez, both from Swat.
Julia Roberts and McDermont from My Best friend’s wedding.
Leonardo Dicaprio in Titanic
Kate Whinslet and Johnny Depp in Finding Neverland and Johnny Depp in Edward Scissor-hand
Also, Jeremy Sumpter in Peter Pan
18. Favorite actors/actresses?
: Julia Roberts, Cameron Diaz, Jeremy Sumpter, Colin Farrell and definitely Jessica Alba
19. Hate Any celebrities?
:Hilary Duff
- xoxo
charis loves you
3:08 PM
(0) comments
Monday, March 20, 2006
what she said made sense to me,
and i understood it perfectly
like i always somehow seem to.
i thought about my own,
but that was so different now,
after being a love that had grown
it'll never go back to how it once was
and though i'm not sure if i can tell myself,
i actually felt your words
i'm fearful i suppose,
of what i cannot even be sure.
maybe that we've grown out of each other.
and promises we've promised,
won't be broken,
because we won't and can't
but if it comes to that,
it wouldn't be a broken promise
just...
just some mutual thing we came round to eventually
i don't want you to leave,
and i don't wanna leave you.
i want this to carry on,
but not like this
not the way it is now don't put your happiness on other people,
they'd just foil it somehow
once again,
how alike we are
though we hardly notice
- xoxo
charis loves you
8:25 PM
(0) comments
today was fun,
it was like
"post-charis' birthday" so it was supposed to be good.
anyway, yes i'm getting over my horrible birthday.
alastair made me the mose gorgeous wonderful handmade present i could ever receive!
it's just sooo beautiful
and mummy and janice got me something i've been wanting for a veryveryvery looong time
a fluffy bathrobe!
oh it's so warm and big and gorgeous!
me love me love me love.
i think baby Faith is adorable.
i wanna be a mummy,
wait
actually im having second thoughts about a sudden increase of wrinkles, white hair and eyebags and a decrease of sleep.
haha.
dumdeedum
alastair's nagging me off.
new term for me(:
i'll make it work baby,
i'll make it work.
yes oh yes,
oh yes.
i'm gonna make it work
got a lot more to blog about but
i kinda forgot
and well..
im tired
and alastair's stressing himself out
haha
my mummy doesn't even mind.
yes my friends, this is what i've gotten myself into.
haha
i love him nonetheless
okay,
im in a suprisingly good mood right now
i think it's cos of the bath robe.
happeeenest!
- xoxo
charis loves you
12:35 AM
(0) comments
Friday, March 17, 2006
FUCKATSTIC FIFTEENFUCKED UP FIFTEENTHtuesday night was fun
screaming like crazy and annoying the taxi driver.
i got a tan
pretty nice
wednesday was fun too
out with alastair,
after which there was the passover.
but then,
that was when all the crap started.
electricity cut
and my phone decided it was the perfect time to black out on me.
a day before
charis' big party day
i decided to stay home the following day til Romp at Zouk
i knew whatever it was wouldn't be so bad
i mean,
after all,
i was gonna have my fucktastic fifteenth at zouk!
i loved the alone time i had in the afternoon
though i started off willing time to pass faster,
i enjoyed the free time i had on my hands
and i enjoyed being able to take my own sweet time.
so that's exactly what i did.
i gave myself a manicure and a pedicure.
i love my toes now by the way
they're gorgeous(:
anyway,
did up my hair and put on makeup
i had everything going for me once i put on my brand new outfit.
new thong which matched my new handbag though no one would see,
new skirt,
new gorgeous top,
new hairclip
so went to outram and from there we all cabbed it to zouk.
it was only there that upon calling vicky i found out they had suddenly decided that the underaged party was now a 16 and above party.
like what the fuck.
vicky said i'd be able to get in but when i got there
i realized that they were actually checking each and every person's IC
i tried saying i was from overseas and visiting and durh,
didn't think to bring out my passport to and underaged party
the guy said it was illegal to walk around without identification on you and made me stand aside.
meanwhile,
all my friends managed to get in.
buu didn't pick up her phone,
neither did someone i knew who i was hoping to ask to put me on the guest list.
saw ivan,
met akira and jonathan for the first time.
in the end i left,
pretty upset at not being able to have fun like i planned.
then after that i found out that ann na desperately needed back the ic she'd passed to me.
how much more screwed up could things get?
it wasn't possible for me to cab it there and back home again,
it'd be way too expensive.
couldn't sleep though my bed was really comfortable
wandered around the house.
read til about 2.20am
cried a bit
closed my eyes and wondered for a bit what i'd be doing at zouk if i'd gotten in
then crawled into bed for a second chance at pretending everything was just an awful dream.
i slept.
but woke up at six,
no such luck.
real life was happening to me.
slept again til about ten, eleven
i wouldn't get alastair's birthday pressie til tomorrow.
well,
it would've been the only correct/right/perfect thing if i got my pressie on time.
i was looking forward to getting it though,
still am.
no one's fault.
watched tv,
ate ice cream outta the box
ann na called again and she was really desperate.
i felt so bad
cos she'd probably get into shit with her sister cos of me.
had lunch,
then went down and dropped off the card and ann na's place.
replaced my little sister's ez link card.
and yeaa
that's pretty much how i've spent my birthday.
pretty fucked up for something that was supposed to be fucktastic.
i guess i had fun and enjoyed myself purely because of the company.
other than that...
i think it was pretty childish of me to want so much on my birthday.
to wanna have fun and maybe a cake cos i hadn't requested a cake last year.
stuff like that.
ohoh,
get this:
zouk first opened in 1991,
the year i was born.
and an hour before my birthday,
i'm rejected at the door.
sighsighsigh
i'll get over it eventually though.
for those who got into zouk,
i'm sure you guys had lotsa fun
and i'm sure it was a lot like,
and probably way more than what you expected.
and i guess,
yeaa it was my loss that i didn't go for it.
not really that i didn't,
more like i couldn't.
thanks for the birthday wishes to those who sent it
but really,
in some ways it wouldn't be so bad if i didn't think of today as my birthday,
rather instead,
just another friday.
if you think
all dressed up, no place to go
is bad.
think again
try thinking
all dressed up, rejected at the door Charis is fifteen today,
but she's just realizing how small and young and immature she actually is inside(:
it's all part of growing up.
i've started on part of alastair's birthday present,
i'm happy with myself for this <3
in case i don't get to say this personally,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY IN ADVANCE
IVAN
my darlingest twinnie
GRACE(:
AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY TODAY,
TO MY BIRTHDAY TWINNIE
STEFFIEEEE(: <3i'm being annoyed right now
really annoyed.
today is really really not my day.
i ought to stay home and have instant noodles for my birthday dinner.
but then again,
mummy's really trying to kinda cheer me up.
happy birthday to me
happy birthday to me
have a crappy sweet fifteenth
oh you're having one alreadeeee
- xoxo
charis loves you
6:34 PM
(0) comments
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
at night i still see a blurred image of your face
i feel your hands and your fingers all over me
you're haunting me
you're haunting me
you're haunting me
friday the 13th
i still remember you
- xoxo
charis loves you
10:25 PM
(0) comments
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
i'm really really very tired of all this.
talked to twinnie and his friend as well
well, his friend said he didn't wanna be dragged into anything
my twinnie understood fully
apparently besides using similar language,
looking alike,
we have similar kind of relationships
she knew exactly what i was going through
cos it's happened to her too
many times actually
when something really matters to me,
i'd be able to wake up for it.
and i can't help feeling,
that if you cared about it,
somehow or other,
you'd be able to wake up.
you'd just want to.
guess this wasn't that much.
8/8.30 am soon became 10am
which soon became 10.47am
now it's 11am
it's bloody fucking 11am
fuck it
fuck it all
because i'm so fucking tired now
i'm so fucking tired.
i don't want to go on anymore,
but i know,
that it'll turn around and somehow i'll have that smile on my face again.
don't you see?
it's the littlest things that count.
i can't expect you to understand,
i won't.
fuck it
- xoxo
charis loves you
11:13 AM
(0) comments
Monday, March 06, 2006
haha.
damn those aliens!
i swear one day,
for an unimportant test,
i'm gonna give these answers.
haha
click on photos to enlarge honey(:
- xoxo
charis loves you
11:47 PM
(0) comments
ohohoh
apparently i can't get enough after my hour plus long blogging session!
haha
i was browsing through devozine's poetry wall looking for nice poems.
not seeing my poems there time after time gets rather upsetting but oh wells.
so anyway i clicked on this one which had a familiar title.
the words seemed familiar too,
and sure enough,
it's my poem!
ended off with:
Charis,14
Singapore
haha.
i was pleasently suprised.
ontop of that,
i went clicking about on other familiar looking titles and found yet another one of my poems up there!
again,
with the same
Charis,14
Singapore
and yes,
i do know it's me.
one of the poems was actually a blog post but yeaa well.
it's so cool it's on another website(:
im a happy girl tonight.
http://www.upperroom.org/devozine/2006/marapr/electropoetry.asp?week=2&issue=290588&act=pow&item_id=272003
this is poem one, and below is poem two.
go read yourself(:
http://www.upperroom.org/devozine/2006/marapr/electropoetry.asp?week=2&issue=290588&act=pow&item_id=268002
- xoxo
charis loves you
11:45 PM
(0) comments
where do you draw the line between teacher and friend?
teachers always seem to want so much to be our friends,
yet somehow,
they turn around and say that on top of that,
they want the respect they deserve as a teacher.
i couldn't help thinking over and over again what happened today.
it was pure harmless fun as i had said in my reflection.
we, or maybe it was just me, considered ms chong to be a close enough friend/teacher that we could cross all boundaries.
hey,
who likes having cake smashed into your face?
but after the initial embarrasment and so on,
you get over it and laugh.
and you laugh at how stupid you looked like and reacted.
the reaction we got from our relief teacher today was far from what any of us expected.
sure,
many people said it wouldn't be a good idea.
if you ask me if i thought before doing what i did,
yes, i did.
i thought hard,
and i thought it'd be okay
i thought she'd laugh it off
maybe be a wee bit cross with us and tell us not to do it to other teachers.
but she didn't
she cried
and cried in the staff room
and cried til EJ came out to talk to us.
no,
not talk
yell at us because she thought it was such a cruel thing to do
"was there anything she did that made you think she was your friend"
i didn't say it,
but why,
of course!
only this very morning she had said she'd formed a special bond with all her lit classes
and i guess i thought,
why not our class in particular?
after all,
we are her form class.
i am solely to blame for this,
what happened today
because i came up with the idea
and even though ann na herself thought it better to smash it into her hands,
i went straight for the face.
it was all in the name of fun, no?
i couldn't help comparing teachers and their possible reactions
though as mummy says,
i shouldn't.
i know i definitely won't smash cake onto EJ's face.
hell no.
not just cos of this
but because she's old and not a friend to us students and
well,
old.
it's like smashing cake into your mother.
i say your mother cos my mother will probably laugh it off too
i was thinking,
Sandra Ang and even used her as an example in my reflection.
Sandra Ang is nice
and she is a friendly teacher as well as a friend.
i know i wouldn't smash cake into her face either because she has put up very clear boundaries from the start
we know what we have is a teacher-student friendship.
this is special and she's the kind, like Ms chan too thinking about it,
that we'd go partying with.
have drinks maybe if we're over proper age but no,
no smashing of cake into face.
why?
because we can confide in them so very very much
they are our teacher-friends.
we can go to them as friends if we'd like a teacher's perspective of something.
but they are still teachers.
i was thinking if we did smash cake into Ms Chan's face though,
if she was cross,
she would tell us off because our behaviour was over the limit and was inappropriate
either that or she'd laugh.
i think if it were her last day,
she's laugh and tell us to be careful not to do something like this to just anyone.
Mrs Tan..
hmm.
well i think anywhere we smash cake into her she'd laugh her crazy laugh
it would be okay
but maybe it's because she is a student's friend
no,
not just a friendly teacher though she is that as well,
but a student's friend.
maybe to save her the embarrasment cake smashing would only be done from somewhere other than the canteen.
anyway,
i think today was sad
because what was supposed to be a wonderful memorable day turned horribly nasty.
Ms Chong came to say her last words as i'd put it.
she had read my letter by then
and she explained why and how she felt.
she said she was happy we considered her a friend we could be so comfortable with
yet at the same time,
she wanted respect.
i found that awfully hard to understand
i mean,
i understood clearly what she meant
but it's awfully hard to do isn't it?
she was the supposed victim in today's episode.
we smashed cake into her face and hurt her feelings.
i realize with a very horrible pang,
that a tiny bit of her wonders if it was done with malice.
i found that out when i asked her
and she said
"i cannot answer that"
that was when the first tears pricked the corner of my eyes.
to be thought of in such a way,
that it could be thought that our purely harmless actions might be done
as a cruel and evil intention,
done deliberately to hurt someone.
does that sound like a pl lite to you?
it's sad.
because i know no matter how out of control pl-lites get,
no one can possible be filled with such pure evil and hatred that they'd do something like that.
i really really cannot.
so yes,
Ms Chong was the supposed victim in today's episode.
but look at it another way,
are we not victims too?
1st of all,
to be wrongly thought of.
that EJ would think it possible for us to do something with deliberate, malicious intent is more unbearable than the unfairness this one minute episode ended in.
secondly,
we were made to think and feel that this teacher,
only four years older than us was our older sister and good friend.
she was a teacher,
yes.
but a teacher who taught us.
she was a friend who was teaching us.
and yet,
she ran off crying
resulting in a huge horrible consequence for me, ann na and the others who stuck by us.
would a friend do that,
i ask you?
if you knew that it was all in good fun,
would you allow it to affect you so?
would even a hint of possible malice enter your mind?
the fact is,
no.
and so,
i realize that she wasn't really our friend.
she wanted to be
but
she wasn't ready for it.
when i tried to explain to Mrs Jacobs our relationship with our teacher
she said she wouldn't have wanted to be my friend.
because that is not the way she'd like appreciation to be shown
but the thing is,
we weren't showing appreciation.
she's still looking at any form of friendship with us,
being purely teacher-student
i wanted to ask her,
what if a group of your friends took you out and sprayed streamers into your hair,
poured confetti all over you and smashed a cake into your face?
would it have been different?
im not even saying close friends or best friends.
maybe a group of teachers,
say even consisting of the principle and Ms Gan even!
you might say that at your age such things are never even thought of and thus,
never expected.
Ms Chong isn't an adult,
she's not even 19 yet.
you cannot say her reaction would be the same as yours
though as it turns out,
we got the bigger suprise.
Mrs Jacobs asked what our definition of friends was.
did we know what made her happy?
what made her cry?
what problems she had in her life?
the answer was no,
we didn't
but as she pointed out, it was three months!
those kinda friends would be close friends.
we never claimed to be close friends
but i'll tell you what we are,
we are or rather,
were her friends.
unlike fake sucker ups like CC and DC,
those of us who were okay with smashing cake into her face and
actually,
some of those who didn't agree to it,
would be the listening ear and the shoulder to cry on if she ever needed it.
i think yes,
even if five years down the road everything's going wrong for her i would still be there if she needed me.
i feel in another way,
we were the victims yet again.
after all,
we were made to believe that she was our friend and confidant.
but her reaction to our actions which would've been to any other friends,
was that of a hurt and rudely shocked teenager who then wanted to claim back the respect she felt she deserved as a teacher.
parting is such sweet sorrowoh yes it is indeed.
but today's goodbye was worse.
because she walked out of our classroom this afternoon as Ms Chong,
our teacher
rather than
Ms Chong,
our friend.
"be good girls," those were her last words to us as a class,
"be good girls"
we still have a good teacher who will be there to help us if we need help,
but we have lost a friend.
moving off this subject,
some very rude teacher was very rude to me today in and unbearably rude way
my goodness!
i was looking desperately for Mrs Sharon Tng's shelf but couldn't find it.
another girl had the same problem but she walked off.
i instead,
knocked on the door and asked if Mrs Tng was around.
the teacher,
i'm quite sure was KMC,
said Mrs Tng wasn't around.
"i'm awfully sorry, i'm having trouble finding her shelf.."
before i could work up the courage to ask if she'd mind placing something on her table for her,
"Her shelf should be out there okay!"
she had replied, her voiced raised a little as she gestured out the door.
well durh miss-know-it-all.
of course i know her shelf is supposed to be out there.
but i wouldn't be bothering you if i could find it now would i?
stupidhead.
and how awfully rude.
it is no excuse for pl lites to be rude,
but is it suprising if this is how we're talked to by a teacher?
hmmm?
GRACE GRACE GRACIOUS
that's what they keep telling us.
WELL TAKE IT AND STUFF IT UP YOUR ASS.
you miss-i'm-higher-than-all-stupid-antsy-students-teacher,
be an example to the innocent pl lites,
please (:
other than that the day was not too bad
well yes,
that took up my whole day actually
and all the time in the supermarket
i had stupidheaded people pushing and shoving me.
dear Singapore,
your small kindness movement and all that crap will not work
if people in your country seem to purposely choose to squeeze through the tiniest, narrowest aisle where there is a lady with a huge basket and a student with a huge schoolbag.
sad to say,
if i was ang moh or had blond hair,
i am quite sure that i would be treated nicely and no one would want to squeeze right by me.
it is extremely sad but yes,
very true.
and i've lived here for what?
nearly 12 years!
Damn.
in about 11 days and forty-five minutes,
i would've lived her for 12 years.
how i have survived so long i do not know.
hey,
if anyone reads this.
i'm extremely not happy with the behaviour of many Singaporeans but i do not mean all singaporeans.
before you start thinking i'm a horrible snobby brit who only critisizes,
i'm not.
this country,
i have to admit,
is almost a second home to me.
actually im living here so yes,
it is home for the moment.
the thing is,
do something and change the attitude of singaporeans.
the i'm-better-than-you attitude everyone here seems to have.
the after-me-you're-first kinda thing.
people here are self centered.
when horrible disasters come around,
Singaporeans are quick to respond but they tell the rest of the world that they're responding and helping in oh-so-many-ways.
"ohh look! i putting 2 dollars into de box! see! i is helping tsunami victims!"
anyway,
moving on,
my sister texted me saying a girl in my level told her she sounded a lot like me who is apparently very popular.
my sister has a raised eyebrow as she says the girl is treating especially nicely and maybe it is because we are related.
strange thing,
i don't personally know the girl who talked to my sister.
and no,
for the record i am not popular.
extremely well known among teachers for never being around,
yes.
well that's a different story.
but oh wells.
it made my day.
did retail shopping with mummy.
it was only about four, five pairs of earrings.
but i was all cheered up for the day(:
chatted with my buu for a wee bit.
poor baby's got a horrible throat and i've got a feeling i'm getting it.
i keep coughing cos my throat's itchy,
i've been sneezing and my throat feels dry and sore):
ANYWAY,
IT'S MY BABAYE SISTER'S BIRTHDAY IN HALF AN HOUR.
HAPPY 13TH BIRTHDAY DARLING CHEVONNEpretty much it i suppose.
i wanna go shopping at tangs for my birthday outfit(:
wow,i spent a full hour plus blogging!
(:
- xoxo
charis loves you
11:26 PM
(0) comments
WHY GOD CREATED CHILDREN
(AND IN THE PROCESS GRANDCHILDREN)
To those of us who have children in our lives,
whether they are our own,
grandchildren,
nieces,
nephews,
or students...
here is something to make you chuckle.
Whenever your children are out of control,
you can take comfort from the thought that
even God's omnipotence did not extend
to His own children.
After creating heaven and earth,
God created Adam and Eve.
And the first thing he said wa s
"DON'T! "
"Don't what? "
Adam replied .
"Don't eat the forbidden fruit."
God said.
"Forbidden fruit?
We have forbidden fruit ?
Hey Eve..we have forbidden fruit ! "
"No Way! "
"Yes way! "
"Do NOT eat the fruit ! "
said God.
"Why?"
"Because I am your Father and I said so ! "
God replied,
wondering why He hadn't stopped
creation after making the elephants.
A few minutes later,
God saw His children having an apple break
and He was ticked !
"Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit ? "
God asked.
"Uh huh,"
Adam replied.
"Then why did you? "
said the Father .
"I don't know,"
said Eve .
"She started i t! "
Adam said.
"Did not! "
"Did too! "
"DID NOT! "
Having had it with the two of them,
God's punishment was that Adam and Eve
should have children of their own.
Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.
BUT THERE IS REASSURANCE IN THE STORY!
If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven't taken it,
don't be hard on yourself.
If God had trouble raising children,
what makes you think it would be
a piece of cake for you ?
THINGS TO THINK ABOUT!
1 . You spend the first two years of their life
teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend
the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.
2. Grandchildren are God's reward
for not killing your own children.
3. Mothers of teens now know why
some animals eat their young.
4. Children seldom misquote you.
In fact,
they usually repeat word for word
what you shouldn't have said.
5. The main purpose of holding children's parties
is to remind yourself that there are children
more awful than your own .
6. We childproofed our homes,
but they are still getting in.
ADVICE FOR THE DAY:
Be nice to your kids.
They will choose your
nursing home one day.
AND FINALLY:
IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF TENSION
AND YOU GET A HEADACHE,
DO WHAT IT SAYS
ON THE ASPIRIN BOTTLE:
"TAKE TWO ASPIRIN"
AND "KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN"!!!! !
oh this is so precious!
i love it(:
- xoxo
charis loves you
12:35 AM
(0) comments
Sunday, March 05, 2006
CLICK ON IMAGE(S) TO ENLAAAARGEbelieve me honey,
you DO wanna enlarge em
all those stupid answers given to teachers
actually,
those teachers must like those stupid answers a hell lot cos they're the ones who scan them in and send them out to everyone.
haha
i think one of those pictures actually came from my test paper come to think of it
HAHA
hey,
i think that picture,
find X,
yeaa.
i think that's mine(:
- xoxo
charis loves you
10:30 PM
(0) comments
"a kite is like a cute guy. you let him fly on ahead but at the end of the day, you pull him by his string and reel him in. then you leave him hanging on the hook til you next wanna play with him"haha
i think that was really funny.
anyway,
i got off the phone with my grannykins.
i still havn't,
or rather, my mother and i,
still havn't told her that i'm not going to UK for sure because i've been naughty and missed lotsa school.
on the phone, my grandmother told me how much she had set aside for my trip which also included spending money which i thought i would never get.
and by the way,
the cash set aside was all in US.
my granny wanted me to go so much that she wanted me to talk to the teacher and ask her if i can go.
how do i tell her that before i myself wanted to do that,
i was already told i won't be going?
well oh well oh well
- xoxo
charis loves you
2:27 PM
(0) comments
Saturday, March 04, 2006
i met Mrs Tan today
i realized how much i missed her
just the other day mummy was talking about her
how much i would've let her down if she knew how i was like now
she had pushed so hard to prove to the school that i was worthy of the role as cactus lady
and now?
well the other day when she brought it up,
i thought,
mrs tan doesn't care
the last time i had talked to her she said she was still cross with me over something or another
but today
she was so
so interested in what i'd been doing
if i'd been a good girl
i told her about the plays i wanted to do
Plays with Attitude,
that's what they're called
"that's so you, with an attitude"
she had said, laughing
yeaa
i really miss her
and looking at her again,
after so long,
i become that young, small( well i've never been small exactly)
sec1 who wants so desperately to prove that i am worth it
and that i won't let myself, God or the people around me down
yes,
meeting with mrs tan today was good
because it made me find once again,
that girl inside who did actually care.
why did i stop caring in the first place,
some might ask.
because people gave up on me too early but maybe,
just maybe,
now i am
that girl again
- xoxo
charis loves you
2:17 AM
(0) comments
Thursday, March 02, 2006
hey shittail,
i miss you, you know.
couldn't help thinking about you today
what're you doing up there in kitty heaven?
it gets lonely down here.
it's late right now
and i can hear the aircon blowing
i'm missing how i'd turn around and seeing you,
that fat ball of fluff,
the room,the house,
wouldn't be so empty anymore.
i remember you screaming and meowing so bloody loudly
and i use to yell at you to shut the hell up.
i miss that now
because i can hear the silence around me
i never thought i'd hear the aircon blowing you know?
i never thought it possible.
i'm sorry for those times.
i really miss you.
i heard a noise when i was alone at home today.
it sounded like a small crash
it could've been anything,
but my first thought was that it was you
and i know it sounds ever so silly
but i found myself wishing it was you,
that i'd find myself going out and yelling at you for messing up and crashing things.
there was a part of me that wished that,
though i knew it was impossible
- xoxo
charis loves you
11:51 PM
(0) comments
it was an old email which i know i'm never gonna delete.
the meaning of love through the eyes of those younger than us
some of it is really pretty deep
i found this email absolutely beautiful
don't ask me what i'm still doing online by the way
>A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8
>year-olds, "What does love mean?"
>
>
>
>---------------------------------
>
>
>
>"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her
>toenails anymore.
>
>So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got
>arthritis too. That's love."
>
>Rebecca- age 8
>
>
>---------------------------------
>
>
>
>"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different.
>
>You just know that your name is safe in their mouth."
>
>Billy - age 4
>
>
>---------------------------------
>
>
>
>"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and
>they go out and smell each other."
>
>Karl - age 5
>
>
>---------------------------------
>
>
>
>"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries
>without making them give you any of theirs."
>
>Chrissy - age 6
>
>
>---------------------------------
>
>
>
>"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired."
>
>Terri - age 4
>
>
>---------------------------------
>
>
>
>"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before
>giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK."
>
>Danny - age 7
>
>
>---------------------------------
>
>
>
>"Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing,
>you still want to be together and you talk more.
>My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss"
>
>Emily - age 8
>
>
>---------------------------------
>
>
>
>"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening
>presents and listen."
>
>Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)
>
>
>---------------------------------
>
>
>
>"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who
>you hate,"
>
>Nikka - age 6
>(we need a few million more Nikka's on this planet)
>
>
>---------------------------------
>
>
>
>"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it
>everyday."
>
>Noelle - age 7
>
>
>---------------------------------
>
>
>
>"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends
>even after they know each other so well."
>
>Tommy - age 6
>
>
>---------------------------------
>
>
>
>"During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at
>all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling.
>
>He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore."
>
>Cindy - age 8
>
>
>---------------------------------
>
>
>
>"My mommy loves me more than anybody .
>
>You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night."
>
>Clare - age 6
>
>
>---------------------------------
>
>
>
>"Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken."
>
>Elaine-age 5
>
>
>---------------------------------
>
>
>
>"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is
>handsomer than Robert Redford."
>
>Chris - age 7
>
>
>---------------------------------
>
>
>
>"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all
>day."
>
>Mary Ann - age 4
>
>
>---------------------------------
>
>
>
>"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes
>and has to go out and buy new ones."
>
>Lauren - age 4
>
>
>---------------------------------
>
>
>
>"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars
>come out of you." (what an image)
>
>Karen - age 7
>
>
>---------------------------------
>
>
>
>"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's
>gross."
>
>Mark - age 6
>
>
>---------------------------------
>
>
>
>"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean
>it, you should say it a lot. People forget."
>
>Jessica - age 8
>
>
>---------------------------------
>a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who
>had recently lost his wife.
>
>Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard,
>climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.
>
>When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy
>said,
>
>"Nothing, I just helped him cry"
- xoxo
charis loves you
11:29 PM
(0) comments
damndamndamn
i have a literature test which i am supposed to be studying for.
notice the words,
supposed to be.
and i'm err
doing stupid quizzes online
school was extremely fun today
wonderful actually
no social studies allowed me and a couple of others to have an hour's nap in the middle of the day
math was nice
got back my paper on which i had written absolutely nothing besides a long poem to myself
my math teacher had read it actually
and she wrote back a note full of encouragement
and honestly,
i'm going to start trying harder in class
to know that she appreciated my increase in her math class hit something in me
and i realized
she cares
chinese was really nice too
very very interesting
and i'm getting ideas for my art which is pretty good
diddums
slept from 6 to about half 7
hung up after a 20min conversation
then rolled around in bed til nine trying to sleep but only succeeding in imagining how everyone was gonna be lined up for the photographs during my wedding dinner reception.
oh yes,
and how i was gonna thank vicky specially for being the pianist,
ner for being an emcee and bird for looking all dolled up in a dress
hey,
a girl can dream no?
ld tomorrow
i am so gonna go baby!
yes oh yes oh yes
heard some stuff that's been spreading out
alastair got to hear about it
oh gawd
i'm telling you,
how guys gossip
i have blogged once about how guys are just as bad gossip mongers as us girls
but really
dammit
i hate shit like that being spread
if the damn thing turns out true,
he's gonna wish he never had balls in the first place
it's not whether or not the rumour is true,
it's not really what other people will think of me or alastair as a result
it's that if it's stuff like this,
shut the fuck up
stupid bitch of a guy
dumdeedum
i'm off
oh
googling your name is fun
haha
no,
seriously.
a reason why it's better to be a girl,
PMS is a valid reason for murder.
guys,
do not piss us off
you've been warned
my sister told me a joke the other day:
a teacher told her class it had been scientifically proven that women live longer than men
"can anyone offer a reason as to why this is so?" she had asked.
a boy(mind, i say boy not young man),
a boy raised his hand and said
"that's because women don't have wives"
i'm alooone at hooome
- xoxo
charis loves you
11:12 PM
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peeeeektooores!(: