with |ove; me

Sunday, March 26, 2006

it was so much more,
so much more than how i thought it would be
so much more than i thought i would feel
that strange ache when she told me

oh it happened again
just like that last time

and anyone could see how in love she was,
oh she was head over heels
she went on rebounds,
she loved again and i thought it was it

i wondered how he loved her,
imagined them together
i played with the silent movies in my head

it wasn't that i hadn't gotten over him
haha
no, it wasn't that at all

first cut is the deepest, maybe?

he was the first guy i,
i wouldn't say i had a crush on,
but i thought i had feelings for.
he was the first guy i went on a date with.
he was the first guy with whom i experienced butterflies and flutters
the first guy who sent me ecards to tell me he missed me
the first guy i'd talk to on the phone every chance i got
the first guy for who i'd sneak out at night to use the computer for,
just to chat with him online

i remember something, this one small incident which meant the world to me
when my friend heard everything, she said
"how can you be so sure? he could always be pretending"
and i swear, my phone was in my hands at that time, it vibrated with a message
from his friend's phone because he didn't have his own
a message with
"i'm in camp dear, i really miss you"

or something along that line

i remember how much that meant

i remember and it will always remain a special memory.

as i have said, it's not that i still have feelings
i don't think i had real feelings at the start even,

it's just seeing that same person
oh so in love

yeaa,
it's that

anyway,
can't wait for today(:

<3

- xoxo
charis loves you
11:35 AM

Comments: Post a Comment

only yours baby

i'm charis vera Ng,
i'm NOT a Singaporean, i was born in UK
but i spent most of my four years in scotland
i love alastair(:
i'm doing my best to live for God though i often fail miserably

ok,try this:
you're this girl who's flown over to this country when you're no more than four years of age
you resent your dad for it,
and it doesn't help when things between your parents don't work out either.

so you miss your home terribly,
you miss going strawberry-picking,
you miss eating boiled eggs out of egg-cups
and you miss warm and cuddly Uncle John and Aunty Esther.

instead,
you find yourself forced to change
and adapt in a horribly hot place
where in primary school,
you meet cold,heartless little kids who ignore you and don't let you play "family"
just cos your accent is different.
early on,
you get weird looks and you find yourself going for recess breaks alone.
your classmates complain to the class teacher when you call them stupid
because they don't understand what to you is simple english.
but they leave you alone when you call them an imbecile
because they don't know what it means.
your primary 1 & 2 class teacher takes joy in complaining to your mummy
because she detests you.
she detests you for constantly correcting her english grammer and pronunciation in front of the class
you soon realize that you can actually gain and keep friends upon them finding out your mother's an actress
but by that time you've more or less forced yourself to lose your accent which makes communication a lot easier anyway.

that was the little girl charis,
now,
on top of that,
i can be a total biotch sometimes, towards people.
and don't tell me you aren't sometimes please.
but i try my very best not to bitch about people.
im a dangerous shopper(=
i never know what i want or need til i see it.

i don't like television.
now that's a first innit?HAH.
bet you never knew someone who didn't like tv
well i don't
and i'm not trying to be different and difficult
it's noisy and boring
i like music:)
i find eating a chore but i love snacking
figure that out
i find certain kinds of pain addictive,
no, i promise i'm still sane.

which is actually pretty remarkable for someone living here,
in this time and place
where you normally get loads of homework,
tests with questions that look like they're in foreign language,
and where everything's a competition to be the best,
the prettiest,
the most popular,
the most hated,
the thinnest,
the fattest, the coolest
the list goes on.
one shouldn't try to be something you're not,
but everyone knows that's easier said than done.
like duurh.