Tuesday, November 29, 2005
random
1.Color of most clothes you own?
- dark i think
2.Number of pillows you sleep with?
- two
3.What place are you in right now?
- living room
4.What were you doing 12AM last night?
- wandering around the beach(:
5.How old will u b in 10 years?
- 24
6.What do you think you'll be doing in 10 years?
- i ought to be on my honeymoon
7.Do u hav braces?
- nope,but i really wish i did.seriously
8. R you paranoid?
- sometimes,but not to the extent where i don't touch doorknobs for fear they'll crumble and a shard of metal will get stuck in my palm
9.Describe your wallet?
- bulky and full of rubbish
10. your alarm clock?
- it's digital
11.Your hair?
- long, brown and currently dyed
12.Tooth brush?
- Sanden Brooke, green
13.What color r your eyes?
- brown
14.First enemy?
- she was an ivited someone to my church an flirting with the guy i held hands with in sunday school.
we were k2
she wore skimpy spag strap tops.
actually,she still does and she's in my school
15.First play/musical/performance?
- nursery.
i think i was an angel.i know i was in white
16.Last movie seen in cinema?
- Just like Heaven
17.Last person you yelled at?
- my baby sister
18.Last crush?
- alastair if i'm not wrong. the last person wasn't a crush.
actually, alastair wasn't a crush, i was just interested in him and found him cute.
oh nevermind
19.Last shoes worn?
- comfy home slippers
20.Last ice cream eaten?
- it was some time ago
21.Last thing written by hand?
- journal(:
22.Last time you want to die?
- that was a long time ago too
23. When was the last time went out @ night?-
- last night(:
24. What were u doing last night?
- this thing reads my mind
erm, i was having fun in good company.
25. Why do you like yourself?
- because i'm different and because i don't give a shit about most things except things i give a shit about
26. What r your plans for tomorrow?
- looking after widdle kiddies at the museum and west coast park
27.When was the last time you got angry?
- sunday night
28. What was the last song you heard?
- Before the next teardrop falls
29. When was the last time you entered a club?
- last thursday(:
Chinablack baby, Chinablack
30. what is it about the opposite $ex(physically)?
- they've got more hair than us girls,
they don't always bathe or brush teeth, they have way less body fat than us girls.
yet they're irrissistibly hot(:
or perhaps just one in particular
31. what are three things that you cannot live
without?
- him,well he's not a thing really.
erm, my voice, i need to talk and erm my car(:
or my future car.
32.current music that's playing?
- the TV's on.
33.can you list three things that are takes up your time
- having nothing to do, having fun. yeaa having fun takes up lots of time and erm,
staring at my reflection for unwanted,unsightly things
34. What do u want 2 do now?
- bathe,wash off my face mask, go out and party.
or maybe i'll replace the last one with sleep.
sleep is good
35. what's the colour of ur room?
- base would be white. everything else is a clash and combination
36. what's the first thing you ate this morning?
- egg-sandwhich from yours truly
37.what shampoo do you use?
- Sanden Brooke. mummy's MLM thing
38. how many people do you have on frenster?
- over 200?
39. what's that one song you never get over?
- Ronan Keating's When You Say Nothing At All
40.fave day of the week? why?
- Thursday,Ladies' Night(:
41. did you do anything stupid in the past 24
- nope i didn't
42. did anything useful in d past hour?
- put on a face mask
43.what's your MSN/Yahoo! id right now?
- i'm finding it hard to answer this question,
someone tell me why?
44. if you could change your name,what would it
b?
- how about not changing my name?
karys is nice. or maybe i'd have it as Jemimah
45. play any musical instruments?
- nope.not at all.yes,im that dumb,that pathetic
46.favorite letter/s of the alphabet?
- X
47.are you absolutely obvious to your crush?
- i think he's finally noticed me, yeaa.
well,i'm always complaining about his lack of tethstamoneeals to me.that'll get his attention right?
- xoxo
charis loves you
10:11 PM
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Saturday, November 26, 2005
everyone's pissing me off.
gawd.
kill me please.
urgh.
great
i forgot what i wanted to say.
i'll just let my sister use it now
cos she's irritating me and nagging nagging nagging me.
i'm gonna be yelled at by mummy when she's home probably.
my sister's crying cos i told her to leave me alone cos she's always yelling at me.
i need help
- xoxo
charis loves you
10:59 PM
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Friday, November 25, 2005
last night was fun.
Chinablack's real nice.
can you imagine what it'd be with alcohol?
he came over for dinner then we left together.
he gave me this gorgeousgorgeous ring(:
our love forever :)
anyway,
we didn't have anywhere to sit and everything,
so jill let us into the VIP lounge
she's such a darling.
met shawn ang and dahnesh there.
the only problem wasn't really a problem actually,
just that the music didn't start til late
but when it did,
man was the party happening.
haha
dancedancedance
laadeedaa
we came home real early though.
like realreal early.
at 2,
widdle alastair was tired.
well i was too actually
haha
pretty much it
- xoxo
charis loves you
5:26 PM
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Friday, November 18, 2005
Your twin is Paris Hilton. Your sexy and cute at
the same time. You also know how to strike a
pose. You are the girl all the boys want. You
have evrything you want and everyone wants to
be you.
sniffle.
today,
i was insulted.
and by the way,
there were only like,
3 or 4 questions.
how on earth do those people tabulate the scores?
- xoxo
charis loves you
9:58 AM
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so i was bored,
left alone at home.
i took this self-esteem test online.
thos kind that goes
"are you happy all the time?
if your answer is yes,
then you're happy all the time!"
anyhow,
they said my esteem's pretty good,
yeaa whatever.
but it also, at the same time,
gave the statistics of how many people took the quiz and how many got the same answer as me.
442 people out of 1586 got the same answer as me.
and i mean,
my result was pretty good yeaa?
so what happened to the rest of the people?
so i guess it's safe to assume that there are actually quite a few people who dont have much of an esteem.
but then,
why is that so?
ah forget it
- xoxo
charis loves you
9:52 AM
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Tuesday, November 15, 2005
you watch them fall in love
you watch them fall out of love
you hear them cry
and they don't know how it tears you up inside
you watch them flirt
you hear them laugh
and you wonder if this phase'll last
don't ask me about this please.
my ramblings,
as i watch every single one of my friends.
but you know what?
i love em all(:
every single one of em.
from my bestest friend bird,
my buu binky,
my hubby ner,
the horny little devil of rach,
even dory who i'm not so close to,
the cutest,darlingest ann na.
every single one of em.
yep.
i love every single one of em
it's hard to believe,
yet i tell others so proudly.
or maybe it's because it's hard to believe,
that's why i tell others so proudly.
don't always rub off you know?
maybe i'm insane
- xoxo
charis loves you
5:37 PM
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Monday, November 14, 2005
yesterday was fun(:
both morning and night.
huge party last night:
vineyard style.
it saddened me,
that friends,good friends at that,
and close friends of my mother,
didn't turn up on our church's third anniversary,
neither did they turn up for the installation of our pastor,
and they didnt even come for the huge goodbye party for the Gurneas.
the couple from which they,as well as everyone of us have learnt so much from.
isn't it strange how we forget,
so easily,
the people who have helped us so much in our lives or have helped us get where we are?
they left our old church to plant another and they brought with them,
us.
we went to Vineyard Singapore.
and from there,
eager to go church plant,
they branched out,
left and did exactly that.
i think if they stayed long enough,
it'd be him being installed as the pastor.
my family and i stayed at Vineyard Singapore though,
it wasn't anything bad.
just,
i don't know how to put it.
but i really really thought that they'd at least be there,
if not for the installation,
at least for the anniversary,
at least for the Gurnea's goodbye party as well as Andrew's celebration.
but they didn't
anyway,
watched this gorgeous show the other day called
She's Too Young
beautiful show about how a fourteen year old,
straight A student got messed up cos some ass with Syphillis was sticking everyone.
it left a sobering thought i must admit,
you never think it'll happen to you.
and it does.
anyway,
there was just one scene in the show which got me thinking,
and oddly,
it had nothing to do with the sex bit.
the mother of the main character was getting worried about her dating a guy two years her senior,
and this girl,
the main character is a straight A student,
and she plays the cello 90 hours a week.
she's a good girl,she doesn't party and is really really sweet
and all she said was:
"mom. have i ever given you a reason to worry even once?"
and i nodded at the television in utmost agreement.
then i thought,
her mother's giving her freedom only at fourteen,
and she's still learning to let go of her baby,
and she's finding it so very hard.
but then again,
she has no reason not to trust her daughter because she's a straight A studet and everything.
and then i looked at myself,
i'm not a straght A student for sure,
and i've definitely broken my mother's trust many many times,
yet she still trusts me so very much.
and i came to a horrible realization,
if my mother ever starts freaking out about me or something,
i can't turn it round and ask rehetorically if i have ever been a cause for concern.
because i know i have.
i always have been.
if it's not my grades it's partying.
haha.
so if my mummy reads this,
THANK YOU MUMMY FOR TRUSTING ME SO MUCH(:
next point to blog about.
local productions suck.
was talking about it with mummy the other day.
you know,
they blow stupid little things up like it's a life or death situation.
their characters are stero-typed and one-dimensional with absolutely no depth in them whatsoever,
as is the storyline.
wait,
what storyline?
the acting is atrocious.
i'm not a bril actor or actress,
but at least i don't act or prance around onscreen making people shudder with disgust.
they can't act romantic scenes or love scenes.
and do not talk about sex scenes.
right now my sister's behind me watching Moulmein High
with
"eee you like choo meng?"
"i know.you nid a makeober.den he wew know de rew yew"
urgh.
absolutely disgusting.
- xoxo
charis loves you
4:44 PM
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Saturday, November 12, 2005
i lay on my bed,
the one in which i'd slept not too long ago,
and the first tear left my eye.
i closed my eyes
and i thought,
how can someone do that to themselves knowing how much it hurts someone who loves them so much?
i didnt want to be on my bed at that point, so i climbed out,
and i sat there
the wind,
the knowledge of how you might fall out the window,
provided a comforting corner for me to sit and cry and think
i don't want anyone changing for me.
i stand firm on that
but why do you degrade yourself so?
how come most of our conversations end up on not too light a note?
i don't regret anything,
nothing at all.
but i do ask myself
how i'm gonna live the rest of my ife putting up with this.
then inevitably,
i wonder how i'd live without this,
without him.
and there i sat,
if only you'd called,
it might'nt be so badi took shots from where i was.
four feet down,
the block across from me,
the block to the right.
it all resulted in the same thing you know?
you're alone girl.you're fuckig alone
- xoxo
charis loves you
10:52 AM
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Thursday, November 10, 2005
sunrises aren't much fun alone
don't try,
unless the whole point was because you wanted to be alone.
i need someone to tell me what's wrong with me,
because i honestly don't know.
and i'm worrying the someone i love most,
though i honestly don't mean to.
if you ask me what i'm thinking of right now,
cos i'm rather quiet,
i can't tell you.
i can't because i'm thinking of a lot of things and it's all swirling into a tornado inside my head.
stuff i don't understand
storylines
things i have to do
things i want to do
urgh.
catching up with santi and gurleen yesterday was fun(:
watched flightplan
it's really really nice
shopped around.
took lots of pictures.
we're all narccisstic vain creatures.
janice had fun on her own as well, with her own friends.
dinner was late, but simple and quiet.
well,
not if you count the bloody TV blaring some dumbass cartoon show with kungfu shit thrown into it.
i can't answer you, cos i don't know the answers myself. i cry, but i can't tell you why.i can't not because i don't want to but because i don't know why either.
trust me on that
- xoxo
charis loves you
10:27 AM
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Tuesday, November 08, 2005
do you really love me?
because sometimes i'm scared it's just me and my warped thinking.
all girls are insecure,
i was told.
but i don't understand this.
i don't understand meand the widow ledge is cold,
like the air you feel blowing through you on the outside,
like how you feel inside.
cold,
cold and empty.
- xoxo
charis loves you
11:59 PM
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Saturday, November 05, 2005
Love Storywhere do i begin,
to tell the story of how great a love can be?
the sweet love story that is older than the sea
the simple truth about the love he brings to me,
where do i start?
with
his first hello,
he gave a meaning to this empty world of mine
there'd never be another love,another time
he came into my life and made the living fine,
he fills my heart
he fills my heart
with very special things,
with angel songs
with wild imaginings,
he fills my soul
with so much love
that anywhere i go,
i'm never lonely
with him along
who could be lonely?
i reach for his hand,
it's always there
how long does it last,
can love be measured by the hours in a day?
i have no answers now,
but this much i can say
i know i'll need him til the stars all burn away,
and he'll be there
- xoxo
charis loves you
5:15 PM
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Wednesday, November 02, 2005
and so,
i'm still up.
someone tell me why please
in the years to come,
will you think about these moments that we shared
in the years to come,
are you gonna think it over,
and how we lived each day with no regrets
nothing lasts forever though we want it to
- xoxo
charis loves you
2:52 AM
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i kept staring at my phone,
willing it,
with every ounce of energy in me,
to ring.
ring,
i begged it silently.
but it didn't
and i stared at its blank white screen
nothingnessperhaps i'm drawing on the show because i've just watched it,
but Domino Harvey at one point,
vowed not to put so much emotion into one thing,
because it hurts
i lay there,
thinking
wandered around,
journaled.
realized it was all pointless.
nothingnesssay goodbye,
the night is over
this masquerade is
getting older
nothingnessnothing,
nothing at all
i've got school tomorrow,
so i really don't know what i'm doing up.
anyway,
if anyone reads this,
like anyone ever does,
today was fun,
til the end of the day of course
thanks for today vic(:
yeaa,
today was fun,
and up to some point in our conversation,
it still was too.
i still love you,you knowbut as Domino said,
we all fall down
- xoxo
charis loves you
2:42 AM
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tell me please,
because i don't understand
expliques s'il vous plait?
it happened in slow motion,
i swear i could almost see it
almost
i swear i saw it coming
one minute it was all okay,
and the next
that familiar click,
i held the phone away from my ear before i could hear the line gone dead,
before i could hear it and feel that familiar shiver up my spine,
before i realize and feel the familiar warm tears
i didn't know what to think,
what to feel
i'm frustrated in a way
i don't understand,
i don't understand at all.
and i half wonder if i really want to.
it's like a one way mirror i'm standing at,
and i see you on the other side.
i place my hand on the same place your hand is at,
with only the glass in between us.
i see you on the other side
i know you're there
but you can't be sure i'm on the other side of the glass you're looking at
because all you can see,
is your own reflection
you think i'm on the other side,
and i am
but you don't know if i'll be there long
you don't know that i'm standing there and that i won't walk away,
not now,
not anytime soon,
not ever.
i see you on the other side,
and i see you trying to look through the reflective glass,
i see you trying to see if i'm there
and i am
but you don't know that,
you can't be sure
you keep thinking i'm going to walk away,
walk away and leave you standing
but i won't
i'm there
though you can't see me
though all you see right now is your own reflection.
i'm still theretexted my best friend,
she just told me to chill out,
and i wanted to,
i tried to.
i didn't know what to do
i wanted to scream,
shout
cry
but i couldn't
i thought maybe i could make it disappear,
but my buu was asleep and marisse wasn't picking up her phone
i asked ner if she was free tomorrow night
but she said it wasn't a cure,
the disappearance would only be temporary.
and i knew what she said was true,
so very true.
it didnt change what i wanted to do,
maybe because i felt if maybe for just that little while i could forget,
if i could let loose,
it'd be ok
that's all i needed,
just for a little while.
with less conviction i called my best friend.
she wasn't busy
but it seemed it
and i realized i was alone,
if it had been any other situation i'd be calling him anyway
i didn't want to call my other best friend because,
well just because
i felt i couldn't call him,
i didn't really want to
and i realized i was cold,
and alone
oh, so very alone
let me slip into nothingness now
it was you who'd make me close my eyes,
and make everything around disappear
so tell me how i can do that now
cos when i close my eyes,
all i see is you,
i breathe and smell you
and i realize how alone i am
and i realize that everyone else has their own life,
and they're all living it
i'm not in anyone's life
and everyone in mine is slipping away
Don't leave me in all this pain
Don't leave me out in the rain
Come back and bring back my smile
Come and take these tears away
I need your arms to hold me now
The nights are so unkind
Bring back those nights when I held you beside me
Un-break my heart
Say you'll love me again
Un-do this hurt you caused
When you walked out the door
And walked outta my life
Un-cry these tears
I cried so many nights
Un-break my heart, my heart
Take back that sad word good-bye
Bring back the joy to my life
Don't leave me here with these tears
Come and kiss this pain away
I can't forget the day you left
Time is so unkind
And life is so cruel without you here beside me
Un-break my heart
Say you'll love me again
Un-do this hurt you caused
When you walked out the door
And walked outta my life
Un-cry these tears
I cried so many nights
Un-break my heart, my heart
Ohh, oh
Don't leave me in all this pain
Don't leave me out in the rain
Bring back the nights when I held you beside me
Un-break my heart
Say you'll love me again
Un-do this hurt you caused
When you walked out the door
And walked outta my life
Un-cry these tears
I cried so many nights
Un-break my heart, my heart
Un-break my
Un-break my heart, oh baby
Come back and say you love me
Un-break my heart
Sweet darlin'
Without you I just can't go on
Can't go on
- xoxo
charis loves you
1:28 AM
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peeeeektooores!(: