alone i was
before your love
when i saw you
i knew my life was touched

i saw your smile
and then i knew
that everything i felt
inside was true

i saw your smile
and then i knew
that i was gonna spend
my life with you


View My Stats

 

Sunday, December 24, 2006

for a while,
just a while,
you made me happy
you made me so happy and i stopped crying for just a while
but as quickly as you did that,
you took that all away

now i'm just left with my tears again

i'm sorry you're ill,
get well soon

- xoxo
charis loves you
1:49 PM

(0) comments

i will give you my heart
until the end of time
you're all i need,
my love my valentine

- xoxo
charis loves you
1:35 PM

(0) comments

no please, don't ask.

this christmas seemed pretty alright after alastair's party at his uncle's place.
then it got depressive when my party dwindled down to the empty beer cans and cigarette burns

i can't remember when was the last time i didn't cry myself to sleep
this sounds melo drama doesn't it?
sounds overly emo

but ohmygawd
it's painfully raw

i swore i knew the melody,
that i heard you singing.
and when you smiled you made me feel
like i could sing along
but then you went and changed the words
now my heart is empty
i'm only left with used to bes
and once upon a song

gawd
how fuckingfucking cliche
how fuckingfucking painful

i sound fucking self-piteous.
i shall go shopping today
mmmm

a part of me died last night
but i don't know if i really wanted that to happen

it's sunday,
doesn't feel like it
doesn't feel like christmas eve

back in pasir ris,
because of downtown east,
you could somehow sense the christmas spirit when you look out the living room window
here,
i see the mental institution/girls home that i'll be going back to next year

i don't feel like it's christmas
i don't really feel quite alive,
i'm wondering who's breathing for me
who's keeping this person living

oh, won't someone stop me from crying?

memories are getting blurry,
your fingertips are now so far from mine
i don't know where any of this is going
and i just want to curl up and die

sorry, i didn't want to delete all that you know?
but oh,
it isn't so bad now.
and i'm really quite happy(:

- xoxo
charis loves you
12:46 PM

(0) comments

Friday, December 22, 2006

When I said I needed you, you said you would always stay
It wasn't me who changed but you, and now you've gone away
Don't you see that now you've gone and I'm left here on my own
That I have to follow you and beg you to come home


You don't have to say you love me, just be close at hand
You don't have to stay forever, I will understand
Believe me, believe me, I can't help but love you
But believe me, I'll never tie you down

Left alone with just a memory, life seems dead and so unreal
All that's left is loneliness, there's nothing left to feel

You don't have to say you love me, just be close at hand
You don't have to stay forever, I will understand
Believe me, believe me, I can't help but love you
But believe me, I'll never tie you down

do you remember?
you and i in uniform,
we'd conquer the world,
we'd never go wrong.
"last forever," i used to say.
"no, infinite ever" you'd correct me

and yet,
where are we now?

- xoxo
charis loves you
2:21 PM

(0) comments

everything's changed now,
everything between us.

not only for the first time in my entire life am i completely and utterly not in the christmas mood,
but i'm also spiralling into semi-depression.

before, i could never ever understand how anyone could ever get depressed
or how anyone could not be in the christmas mood.

this is the first fucking year

i mean, it is strange considering i'm the one who's in the christmas mood all fucking year round.
and this year,
not only am i not playing christmas songs or even singing it,
i'm cuddling up by myself in bed
pacifying myself with janis ian and glasses of wine
(goddamn therapeutic i gurantee you)
this year,
i havn't even gotten my christmas shopping done.
and oh how i used to scorn those rushing around a couple of days before christmas

"hello!how can you not have time for christmas shopping!"
i'd say to them
(this comes from someone who at 9 years old was buying christmas presents in march.
of course it got better as i grew older and from 11 years old onwards i started in october)

and now.
i'm just flat out annoyed with my life,
relationship(if any)
and i really do not know where the fucking fuck i'm going.

i'm supposed to go shopping today,
by myself.

i ought to get used to it,
just like i'm used to crying to sleep, waking up with swollen eyes and reaching for my cream.

get used to it

- xoxo
charis loves you
2:03 PM

(0) comments

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

i watched Girls out Loud yesterday,
and it was
FUCKTABOLOUS

...LY HORRIBLE

OH MY GOD
i think the show itself kinda spoils wendy.
they seemed to be trying to make her look good against all of her "blog enemies"

i'm quite sure Mia must've had some good rebuttals except they probably cut it out because in the end,
wendy was the one who stormed off
then again,
it IS possible that Mia didn't have good rebuttals because hearing her talk about how some makeup artist loved her eyes and all wasn't that great.

still,
wendy looked horribly childish as she stormed off and the guest kinda just stood there.

she complains about what an atrocity it is that Singapore can select such ugly people to be models and blablabla
well i think the atrocity is how she can hold titles for being the best blog

and ohhhmyyygawwd
next to bella
she looked plain stupid
"my favourite book eese harry potter"

ugh.
and their little attack agenda?
but really i think the best thing,
is that bella didn't give a flying fuck

so frankly,
neither should we.


my pet rock=D

- xoxo
charis loves you
1:36 PM

(0) comments

Monday, December 18, 2006

AHLAO!
I SEE YOU




everyone should know that i ruined my eyes on purpose because i thought spectacles were cool. yea, i'm stupid


always wanted a moustache you know?

OKAY ENOUGH OF ME


my thirteenth birthday
I DON'T THINK BIRD LOOKS THAT BAD LA
don't i look worse?
if she wants me to cover up her face then,
okay bird you can like call me


my fourteeth birthday
also remembered as the lesbian orgy where we drank smoked and kissed ourselves in all the reflective surfaces in vicky's house



bird's fifteenth birthday
okay i look damned fucking fat.UGH

OKAY
this was just the birthday post.
i'm not into it like vicky you know?
plus,
blogger wants to be a bitch and not upload my pictures
SO SO SO

i shall take my leave

oh yea,
i remember why these couple of days are bad days to put ugly pictures.
because tomorrow my blog will be flashed to singapore(:

oh c'mon,
you know i love you guys

- xoxo
charis loves you
4:04 PM

(0) comments

Try as he might he's unable to speak
He grabs her by the hair, he strokes her on the cheek
The bed is unmade like everything is
Dark little heaven at the top of the stairs
Take me like that, ruin it all
Then build it again by the light in the hall
He drops to his knees says please my love, please
I'll kill who you hate, take off that dress, you won't freeze

One more night, that was a good one
One more night, i dreamed it was a good one
One more, one more night, that was a good one
One more night, the end should be a good one
A good one

He starts with her back cause that's what he sees
When she's breaking his heart she still fucks like a tease
Release to the sky, look him straight in the eye
And tell him that now, that you wish he would die
You'll never touch him again so get what you can
Leaving him empty just because he's a man
So good when it ends, they'll never be friends
One more night, that's all they can spend

One more night, that was a good one
One more night, i dreamed it was a good one
One more, one more night, that was a good one
One more night, the end should be a good one
A good one

fuck.
this song makes me feel fucking fucking good and fucking emo at the same time



i decided to put this up
because vicky called him a rabbit in her caption
and i do think he looks like an adorable rabbit

yes vicky, i did view whatever ugly pictures of me on your blog and trust me little baby,
i'll return the favour.
mwahmwah

SO ANYWAY
the weekend was fun
and like,
everyone came for the second night too
it was my stepmom's birthday so you know,
we had a cake and all.

so that i can lose myself in your arms again

it does get depressing i'll admit,
with someone you love so fuckingfar away
it has occured to me that it's monday
i shall slob around my room for a while

catch blogtv tomorrow night=D

just one more night

mmmmm
i want that song.oooh

- xoxo
charis loves you
3:16 PM

(0) comments

Saturday, December 16, 2006

i'm off for the weekend at sentosa
yesterday's screening was fun because we saw a couple of other projects as well so(:

three, four nights in a row that i've cried myself to sleep

life isn't meant to be fair,
and it will always be a bitch

cheers! to a very drunk weekend

xoxo

- xoxo
charis loves you
11:29 AM

(0) comments

Thursday, December 14, 2006

i know, i know i promised a dissing session
but you know what?
after reading a bit more into her blog
i've decided

i just really cannot be bothered
(cue to begin lengthy rants)

well,
as already said,
she's in love with herself and she knows it
but she also just kinda makes fun of herself on her blog
that's why it's funny and that's why people go back to read
her posts are actually horribly mundane day to day stuff like

"oh i ripped out a bunch of my hair today!" (there's a picture)
what's nice i must admit,
is that she puts in all this effort to photoshop all the pictures before she puts it onto her blog
she'll photoshop her nose because she's always had a problem with it
(well she shouldn't now after getting it done)
she'll photoshop people's tits
she actually photoshops everything,
even if it's just a plain, self taken photograph
and she decorates it and has this little logo of yet another picture of herself so everyone knows that the picture is hers and came from her site

on the other hand,
i must say it is quite sad that she just sits around photoshopping pictures
and dissing people
and whatever whatever

she's dull because her language pretty much stays the same
her behaviour and reactions also stay the same
and all in all you, as a reader, do not see her grow

at twenty plus,
she still rants about her psle score
but of course, now that's been replaced with her new tv show

okay yes, she can read this and answer in her usual way
"don't like my blog then don't read la! so many fans, don't need you to read what!"

seriously,
that is kinda how she types on her blog.
i havn't heard her speak but i wouldn't be that suprised if she sounds the way she types
which is plain horrible if you ask me

she has quite an amazingly wide vocabulary which she throws in here and there for her entries
but then after all, she IS in her twenties.

she has this ability to throw in good words and mix it around with all the hokkien and local slang as well as swear words
she once talked about bella's (miss Izzy: http://missizzy.org ) blog and said it was too "chiem" for local readers
and singaporeans only go there to see pictures of her.

well,
that pretty much just degrades your whole country now doesn't it dear?
she herself said it was too chiem to keep her attention
this comment from her
(which she probably considers a worthy opinion)
basically just indicates either stupidity or plain stupidity

that was harsh,
i'm sorry.
but while you can see bella grow and mature from the person she was a couple of years back,
this person kinda just remains the same.

dissing people, complaining, ranting
yes, blogs are for ranting
but for someone who has managed to get the title of
what is it, best asian blog?
there is really nothing interesting

granted,
she has comments that are valid,
but the way she pushes her ideas and personal opinions across are a bit much.

after her horrible post about,
okay i'm just gonna call her izzy because no one knows who i'm referring to otherwise

after her horrible post about Izzy, people hate mailed her on izzy's behalf
(vick and i wanted to do that but decided against that cos izzy kinda didn't really give a flying fuck)
and she wrote and entry about how hurtful the comments were
that she was also born from a mother's womb
and how would her mother feel?
how would she, as a person feel?

well all i could really say was that,
you can say that when insults are hurled at you
but what do you do for the entries that get more readers?
you diss people like crazy!
you photoshop them,
on world wide web, you tell them how ugly they are

now,
how are they supposed to feel?
how are their parents supposed to feel?
hmmm?

those who do browse over her blog,
fans and non fans alike, all agree to disagree
some love to hate her
many love to love her
and that is true

she has many fans,
and she knows it
they change and move off after a while because
after reading posts similar to the one before that and the one before that,
it does get tiring
still,
there's those who absolutely love her dissing moments and keep up for her rants and complaints

there isn't really a point in her blog
because she writes everyday stuff for most entries
if she's not doing that then she'd be writing about her new tv show or her psle score
if she's not doing that then she's dissing people left right and centre

but you know,
if not for her blog there wouldn't be the existence of this entry!

now,
i have finally succumbed to the need to write about her to the world
though i honestly admire people like bella who not only doesn't care but really cannot be bothered about people like the girl i've been ranting about(:

there wasn't a reason for me to do this,
and she hasn't done anything against me personally but well,
it's been bugging me.
okay she's successful in her own right.
good for her!

this post, i will admit doesn't really serve a purpose other than warning people about good and bad blogging but oh well

and look!
turns out i kept my promise after all

xoxo

- xoxo
charis loves you
8:25 PM

(0) comments

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

They, asked me how I knew,
My true love was true,
I of course replied, something here inside,
Cannot be denied.

They, said some day you'll find,
All who love are blind,
When you heart's on fire, you must realize,
Smoke gets in your eyes.

So I chaffed them, and I gaily laughed,
To think they would doubt our love,
And yet today, my love has gone away,
I am without my love.

Now laughing friends deride,
Tears I cannot hide,
So I smile and say, when a lovely flame dies,
Smoke gets in your eyes,

Smoke gets in your eyes

oh and doesn't it hurt like a motherfucking bitch
so bad that after a while,
you can't find the tears to cry anymore


okay should stop being excessively reflective and getting all emo.
honestly

last night was a gorgeous night out


after walking all over labrador park and following that up with a movie at the omnimax theatre we still were far from the main activities of the night
which included getting our jeans soaked with fish water at the jurong Fish Port as well as hanging out at a graveyard.
we also stopped in the middle of empty roads to dance around,
do weird mtvs and of course,
indulge our hyped up photographers.
namely mason, alastair and my little sister
(who was ill and pissed off with the uncooperative camera, all at the same time)

the moring ended or rather,
started off with crispy roti prata,
after which we were all sent back to bed

i myself crawled into my queen sized sanctuary at about nine in the morning

jurong fish port was extremely interesting i must say
fish of all shapes and sizes were there just making your jaw drop lower and lower
there were three baby sharks which of course made me quite upset
but you know,
what can you do?
people eat them


all in all,
everything was lovely and if i can, pictures will be up.

i'd like to rant about bloggers who are quite a waste of space,
namely someone who definitely knows of her rising popularity and harps on and on and on about it.
but you know what?
i'll be nice and dedicate an entry to her

for now, ta!

xoxo

- xoxo
charis loves you
5:38 PM

(0) comments

Monday, December 11, 2006

i just came back from the filming of blogtv which will be shown
next tuesday at 8pm(:

it was honestly really fun,
on and off set
talking about so so much.
inclusive of xiaxue and all

anyway,
my initial reason for deciding to blog was because i'm horribly pissed off with my sister
but now,
after the moment's passsed,
i kinda just feel drained

i'm just bloody annoyed because,
at thirteen,
she's doing what she always has since young
calling mummy up,
pulling her right into the middle of our minor sister tiffs

and if she doesn't do that,
she gets her back by dissing out whatever hold it is she has over me
even if it's as minor as
"i saw jie out with some unknown guy at orchard"

oh believe me

on top of all that,
of course,
she's not pleased that my friends and i are buying over a night from daddy
so she tells mummy about my stepmother being there

for a start,
i'm hoping to double, triple check with my father about that
and if my stepmom is gonna be there
i wanted to find a way of sitting down to talk about it with my mother

because (unlike some people)
i actually wanted to break it easy
i've listened and i know her point of view

of course janice had to selfishly declare it in the restaurant.
her ulterior motive?
she just didn't wanna be stuck in a hut with my dad and stepmom
so she had to just tell my mother like that
harsh and crass


i'm done being annoyed.

just a moment to air my dirty laundry

but this is something that has and has been bothering me

tonight, it just happened again

grow old with you

- xoxo
charis loves you
11:37 PM

(0) comments

Sunday, December 10, 2006

so life's perking up a bit
well it should considering the holidays are drawing to a close

i sang at fashion fiesta,
which by the way,
was a complete success,
the models i mean. not so much the singing, though i'd say ernie and i were good(:

on top of that, the very next day i filmed a short film which will be screened at the substation on December fifteenth

i'm pretty pleased i guess

tomorrow mummy and i will be filming in an episode for blogtv

so mmhmm=D

coming tuesday i've got this overnight thing with church people
like duh
the organizer's kinda like the pastor

haha

pretty good weekend i'd say,
and hopefully next weekend will be just as good

i'm heading off now cos if i get down to really blogging,
then i won't be able to stop.

christmas party on the 23rd at my plaaace!

oh yes,
and you guys are all invited to the new year's party which i'm singing at=D

all my love

- xoxo
charis loves you
10:05 PM

(0) comments

Saturday, December 09, 2006

i like this picture(:

so anyway,
go do whatever you wanna do
i'm sure it's not that you don't care per say
but you're definitely just delaying things
hell, if i were you
i'd do that too
but you've heard me out
decided

so why not get it over with?

oh go on,
give this up to study

like history repeating itself really
of course,
in this case it's slightly different but

whatever

just. whatever

cos i give up,
really
i'm just on the verge of breakdown

- xoxo
charis loves you
4:28 PM

(0) comments

Monday, December 04, 2006

well after a huge blowup yesterday
today i went out with en qing
funfunfun in short,
and continuous shoppeeeeeeng

i'm involved in a couple of productions this week,
back to back
first will be in Fashion Fiesta which is this wednesday,
6pm at braddel heights community centre

tickets are needed and there's only a couple of people i've invited anyways

i'm filming this week as well
so yeap
thei short film will be screened on the 10th at the Substation

i set up the christmas tree

yay.
today in a nutshell

- xoxo
charis loves you
11:17 PM

(0) comments

Friday, December 01, 2006

so then,
prey do tell
what the fuck does all this,
everything mean

you say sorry,
but then i'm saying stuff to make you feel bad

i know you didn't mean for this to happen
but i'm still trying to get over it
i'm not mad at you
but you're mad at me
probably thinking that i'm blaming you for everything

this isn't your fault but you've said sorry
yet you're not helping towards this huge fucking blowup we ended up having.

and now.
just nothing
like you've completely disappeared
no messages
nothing

- xoxo
charis loves you
8:19 PM

(0) comments

it's my fault again.
for not being understanding
again

but i did try to
you were just so insistent on the postphoned date
and i was still getting over your rain check

i wrote you a note,
in the middle of unpacking
i was going to give it to you tonight

i was

- xoxo
charis loves you
6:13 PM

(0) comments

credits

layout by chris. (:

my|ife

February 2005
April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
December 2007

my world

forgotten secrets
poetic poetry(:
honneh bunneh
mommie
sugarr
buble cuzzie:)
buu
holy guy
moooresykins
hubby private&protected
hubby
pretti zombie
boyfriend
babaye sister
dory
dark Lord
unknown wierdo
dahhlingg hippo
[blogger]
[friendster]

just for laughs
my boyfriend's a twat
overheard in New York

peeeeektooores!(:

only yours baby

i'm charis vera Ng,
i'm NOT a Singaporean, i was born in UK
but i spent most of my four years in scotland
i love alastair(:
i'm doing my best to live for God though i often fail miserably

ok,try this:
you're this girl who's flown over to this country when you're no more than four years of age
you resent your dad for it,
and it doesn't help when things between your parents don't work out either.

so you miss your home terribly,
you miss going strawberry-picking,
you miss eating boiled eggs out of egg-cups
and you miss warm and cuddly Uncle John and Aunty Esther.

instead,
you find yourself forced to change
and adapt in a horribly hot place
where in primary school,
you meet cold,heartless little kids who ignore you and don't let you play "family"
just cos your accent is different.
early on,
you get weird looks and you find yourself going for recess breaks alone.
your classmates complain to the class teacher when you call them stupid
because they don't understand what to you is simple english.
but they leave you alone when you call them an imbecile
because they don't know what it means.
your primary 1 & 2 class teacher takes joy in complaining to your mummy
because she detests you.
she detests you for constantly correcting her english grammer and pronunciation in front of the class
you soon realize that you can actually gain and keep friends upon them finding out your mother's an actress
but by that time you've more or less forced yourself to lose your accent which makes communication a lot easier anyway.

that was the little girl charis,
now,
on top of that,
i can be a total biotch sometimes, towards people.
and don't tell me you aren't sometimes please.
but i try my very best not to bitch about people.
im a dangerous shopper(=
i never know what i want or need til i see it.

i don't like television.
now that's a first innit?HAH.
bet you never knew someone who didn't like tv
well i don't
and i'm not trying to be different and difficult
it's noisy and boring
i like music:)
i find eating a chore but i love snacking
figure that out
i find certain kinds of pain addictive,
no, i promise i'm still sane.

which is actually pretty remarkable for someone living here,
in this time and place
where you normally get loads of homework,
tests with questions that look like they're in foreign language,
and where everything's a competition to be the best,
the prettiest,
the most popular,
the most hated,
the thinnest,
the fattest, the coolest
the list goes on.
one shouldn't try to be something you're not,
but everyone knows that's easier said than done.
like duurh.