Tuesday, July 17, 2007
ink leaks from my pen,
forming words i hardly recognize as my own.
seeping through paper,
staining the white silk tablecloth,
like you did my heart.
take the paper and leave,
like you.
the mark,
still there,
visible and pained.
a scarr,
a memory that cannot,
even if i tried,
be erased.
your fingerprint,
upon my soul
will i, forever be condemned to see this, read this, feel this?
to love you from such a distance and yet be close enough to touch you,
feel you, and kiss you.
to love you, and know/ believe that you do love me too and yet,
be horribly desperate for reassurance (which i am hardly allowed)
and be so upset, that i cannot read your love,
barely feel it, but am
to know it,
simply by gut feel and belief?
must i, do i really have to,
sit in such a mix of emotions
and be overwhelmed by such a sense of,
hatred, almost.
jealousy, if i may,
sadness and just a hint of -
loss.
will there be an end to this?
i can hardly stand it.
it's repulsive and i shiver,
each time.
refusing to cry
and just left wondering -
why in the world i feel this way
i've never needed to make myself clearer,
have i?
and i will not now.
- xoxo
charis loves you
1:17 AM