with |ove; me

Monday, June 18, 2007

i caught clips of Curious Play,
a jap anime i used to watch.

it was the ep where Tamahome was evil and was out to kill miaka.
and when she finally got to him,
she said he could kill her if it meant he was gonna be okay,
and not die on her right then.

of course,
like all cliches,
she kissed him and ohohoh!
the power of love,
he started getting flashes of memory.

oh gawd, i'm shutting up.

drinks with victor was incredibly insightful.
i love talking with him,
because he gives proper advice rather than
"oh just get over him" kinda stuff.
on top of everything, a third person perspective is always helpful.

i'm told, in nicer words,
the whole
"every girl has the love life she wants" thing.
that my extremely cliche, tv-serial like love life is pretty much
just because i'm playing it like a freaking movie.

well,
as usual,
i'm pretty effing stuck right now.
i seem to know exactly what i should do or want to do,
except, whether or not it's a case of can't or won't,
i seem unable to actually carry out what i plan on doing.

so yes, i am still incredibly in love with him and i'm not actively getting him out of my life.
why should i?
he really does mean that much to me,
and to many extents, yes,
i do find myself waiting for him, almost.

it's just that i'm not sitting still,
fidgety and restless and stopping myself from doing as many things as i would,
if i were still in a relationship.

i don't want, and i hope he won't,
be stopped from getting into a relationship with anyone now.
whether or not we end up together ten years down the road is one thing,
but he shouldn't completely cut off the possibility of being with anyone else.

it might be painful for both of us,
like if i got together with someone now.
but at least we'd know that we've been with other people,
and yet we still find ourselves incredibly in love with each other
and still wanting to be together after so long.

no, that doesn't mean i'm gonna jump into the next relationship that comes along.
and it hurts like a bitch when he implies that,
or of course,
that i'm sleeping around.

gawd, anyway, i should really shut up on this subject,
it's like i don't have anything to talk about or something.

SO!

i've got an influx of good news!
Tab Tv 2, Ep 3 is coming out in September,
be sure to catch me on it then.

also,
august 8th is a revival of Skins' Aunty!
she (i) will be singing and acting!
YAY YAY YAY!

and on top of everything, my Heats for Teenage Icon has been moved up a day earlier!
SO SO SOOOO!
It's gonna be on the last day of this month,
on a Saturday from 5pm onwards.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE COME(:
and votevotevote!

my precious twin is turning sixteen soon
and
happy belated sweet sixteen to eme baby and
happy twenny fooourth to veeeektor

Eternal Sunshine On the Spotless Mind is a
Fantabulous show!
Jim Carrey's first serious movie.
he really is amazing as a serious actor.
i prefer him serious rather than obnoxiously humourous.
i wanna watch it AGAINAGAIN!

so it was clear,
how though i thought of her now and then,
i didn't miss her incredibly.
especially not like i missed him, even though he was only a couple of floors down.
weird isn't it?
she's awfully sweet,
i'm just,
not keen on going on a rebound.

sigh

i've got tuition in a while
and my sister's bugging me for the com.

i wish my twin would see how incredibly hot and gorgeous she is.
i'm saying it cos it's true.
and bones potruding all over the place won't make her half as beautiful as she already is.

i've cleaned up my template a bit more, so it's better now,
hopefully.
i've also put up a tagboard.
YES!
GASP! a tagboard!

i, who hate tagboards and the bad omen it brings.

haha

call it insecurity,
but i don't like having my tagboard grow old and dusty.
i love new messages and whatnot but you know,
who doesn't right?
and i don't like feeling forgotten,
as tagboards often make me feel because people stop taggin after a while.

haha
so keep leaving me messages(:

hugs and kisses!

and we'll dance around like this all, is nothing.
and we'll lie, more to ourselves than anything.

- xoxo
charis loves you
6:16 PM

Comments: Post a Comment

only yours baby

i'm charis vera Ng,
i'm NOT a Singaporean, i was born in UK
but i spent most of my four years in scotland
i love alastair(:
i'm doing my best to live for God though i often fail miserably

ok,try this:
you're this girl who's flown over to this country when you're no more than four years of age
you resent your dad for it,
and it doesn't help when things between your parents don't work out either.

so you miss your home terribly,
you miss going strawberry-picking,
you miss eating boiled eggs out of egg-cups
and you miss warm and cuddly Uncle John and Aunty Esther.

instead,
you find yourself forced to change
and adapt in a horribly hot place
where in primary school,
you meet cold,heartless little kids who ignore you and don't let you play "family"
just cos your accent is different.
early on,
you get weird looks and you find yourself going for recess breaks alone.
your classmates complain to the class teacher when you call them stupid
because they don't understand what to you is simple english.
but they leave you alone when you call them an imbecile
because they don't know what it means.
your primary 1 & 2 class teacher takes joy in complaining to your mummy
because she detests you.
she detests you for constantly correcting her english grammer and pronunciation in front of the class
you soon realize that you can actually gain and keep friends upon them finding out your mother's an actress
but by that time you've more or less forced yourself to lose your accent which makes communication a lot easier anyway.

that was the little girl charis,
now,
on top of that,
i can be a total biotch sometimes, towards people.
and don't tell me you aren't sometimes please.
but i try my very best not to bitch about people.
im a dangerous shopper(=
i never know what i want or need til i see it.

i don't like television.
now that's a first innit?HAH.
bet you never knew someone who didn't like tv
well i don't
and i'm not trying to be different and difficult
it's noisy and boring
i like music:)
i find eating a chore but i love snacking
figure that out
i find certain kinds of pain addictive,
no, i promise i'm still sane.

which is actually pretty remarkable for someone living here,
in this time and place
where you normally get loads of homework,
tests with questions that look like they're in foreign language,
and where everything's a competition to be the best,
the prettiest,
the most popular,
the most hated,
the thinnest,
the fattest, the coolest
the list goes on.
one shouldn't try to be something you're not,
but everyone knows that's easier said than done.
like duurh.