with |ove; me

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

well really,
thank you so much for bothering to reply my texts

i've just about given up already.
who knew, eh?

no one thought you'd be the one who'd leave,
and everyone, or maybe it was just my imagination,
figured that i'd be the stronger one.

it's strange coming to terms with the fact that,
that is not so.
i'm the one crumpling up on the bed,
kissing your picture goodnight,
and trying to push away images of the last time you held me in that same bed which i now have to sleep on.
Meanwhile, you've started up with your new life,
you've moved on, it's so easy to see.
i suppose the first couple of days where i could be strong was when you were crumbling.
now the roles are swapped,
but as much as i don't want to.
i'll be holding on longer.

in a month, i'll probably have to watch your heart soar as you make new promises of infinite ever.
after all, it didn't take for you to move on the last time.
and i really don't mean that in a bitchy way.

i should really get a life.
crying myself to sleep at night, waking up and crying.
pouring myself a drink, lighting a cigarette and crying.
it's hard to stop it because i kinda held it in for quite a while.
i pretended to be strong i think.

This just had to happen, didn't it?
and perfect timing too.
a month before my big competition and Mid years,
as well as during my friends' mid years so i find myself quite alone.
not to mention that it's O level year for me.
well and truly, what better timing.

i need to get myself together,
put back the pieces of my life.
it's my turn to have to let go off you and move on,
just like you've managed to do.

who knows what will happen?
because i thought i did, without a doubt.
but the world has a way of proving us wrong again and again.

maybe it was the tattoo that jinxed us!
haha

my first joke in ages,but i'm getting there.
i will cope because i have to.
and everyone knows i don't do things just because i have to.

but you seem fine, brilliant in fact.
so i should be too.

so much so for infinite evers,
& forever and evers.

there goes my hero,
watch him as he goes

So much so for promising never to leave,
not like my dad.

there goes my hero,
he's ordinary

the second man who left,
you're ordinary too.
just in a special way.

- xoxo
charis loves you
10:04 AM

Comments: Post a Comment

only yours baby

i'm charis vera Ng,
i'm NOT a Singaporean, i was born in UK
but i spent most of my four years in scotland
i love alastair(:
i'm doing my best to live for God though i often fail miserably

ok,try this:
you're this girl who's flown over to this country when you're no more than four years of age
you resent your dad for it,
and it doesn't help when things between your parents don't work out either.

so you miss your home terribly,
you miss going strawberry-picking,
you miss eating boiled eggs out of egg-cups
and you miss warm and cuddly Uncle John and Aunty Esther.

instead,
you find yourself forced to change
and adapt in a horribly hot place
where in primary school,
you meet cold,heartless little kids who ignore you and don't let you play "family"
just cos your accent is different.
early on,
you get weird looks and you find yourself going for recess breaks alone.
your classmates complain to the class teacher when you call them stupid
because they don't understand what to you is simple english.
but they leave you alone when you call them an imbecile
because they don't know what it means.
your primary 1 & 2 class teacher takes joy in complaining to your mummy
because she detests you.
she detests you for constantly correcting her english grammer and pronunciation in front of the class
you soon realize that you can actually gain and keep friends upon them finding out your mother's an actress
but by that time you've more or less forced yourself to lose your accent which makes communication a lot easier anyway.

that was the little girl charis,
now,
on top of that,
i can be a total biotch sometimes, towards people.
and don't tell me you aren't sometimes please.
but i try my very best not to bitch about people.
im a dangerous shopper(=
i never know what i want or need til i see it.

i don't like television.
now that's a first innit?HAH.
bet you never knew someone who didn't like tv
well i don't
and i'm not trying to be different and difficult
it's noisy and boring
i like music:)
i find eating a chore but i love snacking
figure that out
i find certain kinds of pain addictive,
no, i promise i'm still sane.

which is actually pretty remarkable for someone living here,
in this time and place
where you normally get loads of homework,
tests with questions that look like they're in foreign language,
and where everything's a competition to be the best,
the prettiest,
the most popular,
the most hated,
the thinnest,
the fattest, the coolest
the list goes on.
one shouldn't try to be something you're not,
but everyone knows that's easier said than done.
like duurh.