with |ove; me

Friday, May 11, 2007

it's been a while now,
and i'm stopping the addictive feeling of curling up and crying.

i can't anymore, you know.
it's like i ran out of tears.

but i'm trying to stop drowing myself in godknowshowmany glasses of drink a day, and i've even found myself strong enough to toss out my cigarette when i wasn't done.

it's not easy
but i can't be so terribly dependent on people to hear me cry.
especially with everyone's mid years and what nots.

i'm stronger now.
though it doesn't mean you're not the last person i think about before i go to sleep,
or the person i whisper goodnight to.

anyway,
i found myself quite unable to go back to sleep after i got up at 9am.
my brain's still quite tired and i feel like going jogging.

i seriously have been trying to change my disgusting sleeping habits.
since before i started private school, i was sleeping an average of about 12 hours a day.
yes,
you read those numbers correctly.

disgusting eh?
not to mention rather disturbing.
even for me

but recently it's been better,
though a slow progression.
this is the earliest i've woken up in ages.

more than that,
is that i stayed up til half past 1 in the morning tidying up my room.

yes, OMFG!
charis tidies up her room!
i admit, i'm horribly lazy so i tend to leave things around and they sort of accumulate.
kind of like my homework.
soon i have piles of godknowswhat lying around my room
and dozens of dustbunnies who were born just to join in the party on my floor and in the dark corners under my bed and stuff.
plus, because i have long hair, or used to, now it's half long hair,
i've got an uncontrolled hairfall amount.
so there's always hair all over the place.

BUT
last night i swept the floor.
and you know,
one thing led to another
(and my broom makes sweeping rather addictive,
it's not really a broom. more like those magic clean things?)

so one thing led to another and pretty soon i was moving stuff out of the way,
so i wouldn't be doing a slapdash job.
and of course,
when you move things out of the way, you don't shove them back into place messily.
so rearranging stuff near my bed, under the table made that part of my room look
bigger.
much bigger.
not to mention nicer-looking.
so i proceeded to do the same with the messier part of my room.

i've been planning this massive cleanup for months on end, really.
it's just that, at one shot, it's a huge mess to cleanup.
so what happens is that my room is always left to rot until i can't stand it anymore.

ANYWAY
my room is now gorgeously gorgeous!
and i am so so soooo happy.
lots of laundry to do now though, thank God it's not raining.

i do wonder what'll happen today,
because i have this feeling, that i shouldn't be too estatic about anything.
and that just as it could be a beautiful thing, it might just as well be a painfully horrible thing.
we'll see

bounce bounce, bounce bounce back

- xoxo
charis loves you
9:33 AM

Comments: Post a Comment

only yours baby

i'm charis vera Ng,
i'm NOT a Singaporean, i was born in UK
but i spent most of my four years in scotland
i love alastair(:
i'm doing my best to live for God though i often fail miserably

ok,try this:
you're this girl who's flown over to this country when you're no more than four years of age
you resent your dad for it,
and it doesn't help when things between your parents don't work out either.

so you miss your home terribly,
you miss going strawberry-picking,
you miss eating boiled eggs out of egg-cups
and you miss warm and cuddly Uncle John and Aunty Esther.

instead,
you find yourself forced to change
and adapt in a horribly hot place
where in primary school,
you meet cold,heartless little kids who ignore you and don't let you play "family"
just cos your accent is different.
early on,
you get weird looks and you find yourself going for recess breaks alone.
your classmates complain to the class teacher when you call them stupid
because they don't understand what to you is simple english.
but they leave you alone when you call them an imbecile
because they don't know what it means.
your primary 1 & 2 class teacher takes joy in complaining to your mummy
because she detests you.
she detests you for constantly correcting her english grammer and pronunciation in front of the class
you soon realize that you can actually gain and keep friends upon them finding out your mother's an actress
but by that time you've more or less forced yourself to lose your accent which makes communication a lot easier anyway.

that was the little girl charis,
now,
on top of that,
i can be a total biotch sometimes, towards people.
and don't tell me you aren't sometimes please.
but i try my very best not to bitch about people.
im a dangerous shopper(=
i never know what i want or need til i see it.

i don't like television.
now that's a first innit?HAH.
bet you never knew someone who didn't like tv
well i don't
and i'm not trying to be different and difficult
it's noisy and boring
i like music:)
i find eating a chore but i love snacking
figure that out
i find certain kinds of pain addictive,
no, i promise i'm still sane.

which is actually pretty remarkable for someone living here,
in this time and place
where you normally get loads of homework,
tests with questions that look like they're in foreign language,
and where everything's a competition to be the best,
the prettiest,
the most popular,
the most hated,
the thinnest,
the fattest, the coolest
the list goes on.
one shouldn't try to be something you're not,
but everyone knows that's easier said than done.
like duurh.