not anymore
i love love love school, just so you know!
you, would refer to those who are even minutely interested in my life enough to come read this blog.
so if you're one of those yous, thank you :D
i read this gorgeous gorgeous book called Taming the Beast by Emily Mcguire.
i realized as a reader, we have an expectation, a want for the story to end a certain way, and if it doesn't, we don't like the book.
that's assuming half the people in singapore my age even run their fingers over a book other than harry potter.
i digress! for once, even though the story turned out far far far off from what i really truly wanted, i loved the ending. because it held truth in it
if you read it, you might just feel the same as i did/do.
of course you might not because you're into not just kinky, painful sex, but you personally think that the emotional as well as physical(and i do mean they nearly killed each other) torture and trauma, is well worth it for love.
ah! l 'mour l 'mour.
the greek gods were bastards to have seperated us from our other half and now we're left wandering the earth in search of our other half.
well, i suppose i could almost believe that, almost believe too that it isn't about common interests and whateverwhateverwhatever.
so,
define other half and while you're at it, define what it is exactly that two people are suppose to share, especially when passion, sex and god forbid, food goes out the window.
define fucking love
how can something so beautiful be so terribly painful?
someone smack the shit out of whoever claims that love is a bed of roses
because even if it is, there're still the thorns.
enough.
i felt that everything the older man put the main character through, was an indication that it was about sex power and a whole bunch of warped shit thrown into it. it couldn't have been love, now could it?and what about the most beautiful mutual love and respect she shared with her best friend? what about that? whywhywhy!
okay, so in the end she chose the torturous biting lunatic who got married four years before she herself was even born. and she, in many ways was responsible for her best friend ending his own life, leaving behind a whole family.
i could've, would've probably, hated the book and tossed it in a corner if not for the last few lines.
"life is full of withering possibilities" blablabla, goes on to say that some of those possibilities are stolen when it is against anything in your power to stop them from leaving. we'd always wonder how things might've ended up.
but then, finally;
The choice we have made, the decision, is hope in iteself.
that's all there is, really.
so i realized, while reading the book, that there's happy endings and sad endings.
usually, more the first rather than the latter.
either ways, there is a picture, a perfect ending we form without quite meaning to, while reading the book.
and we want it to turn out that way. oh, selfish aren't we?
the book is deemed horrid if the ending is too different from what we want.
of course, there's the ending we want, secretly, and the ending we anticipate. if the outcome is too different from either, the book ends up on either end of the spectrum of marvellous and horrible.
i know my sister loooves having heroes killed, and truly, a happily never after. but because that so rarely happens, and if it should it'd be the perfect book/ movie evereverever,
there is the ending she anticipates.
i don't know if stuff ends up like how she anticipates because she usually ends up saying she knew that would happen.
oh my darling fourteen year old sister is utterly turned off and sick to the stomach by now
of those sappy love songs and cheesy love stories.
i'm talking in circles aren't i?
okay, no. i'm just stating what i found out.
i will proceed to shut up about my freshly finished book right about now
in some way or another, you have to make me suffer, even now.
because i havn't paid for my mistake, in your opinion, concious or subconcious.
so i will look, notice, and click something else so that it doesn't sting so much
i know, after all, that nothing i feel can or will ever compare to what i've put you through.
so i will read, flip through the pictures you have of you
and the pictures you have of us, or the lack thereof.
i'll try to figure out why it feels like you're moving on and i have to move on,
even though
everything else proves otherwise
i'll be heading across the road tomowwo because i miss my buu like fuck,
and i don't even know why):
my list of to-do things include,
mailing back the form to Zing or i don't get paid
and erm
handing in registration money for one thing or another.
besides my very hot math tutor, i'd like another because i need like a lot of help with math.
yes see!
i'm working hard okay!
i love the smell of my hair(:
oh randomness has hit me!
i love the minutes, seconds i get to spend with you
and i miss you, all those gaps in between
there must be something stronger than this, holding us tight
but it's not like we could ever let go anyway
it hurts though, having to see you the way the rest of the world does.
on a much much lighter note,
i lost the 1kg which i put on! hooray for me(:
there's so much i can't say.
peeeeektooores!(: