with |ove; me

Thursday, April 05, 2007

and then it will come to that point,
the point we feared the most

just because it's happened to you, and you, it doesn't mean it'll happen to me

we are in self denial
blinded by whatever it is, thinking
"oh i'm so different. oh my love's stronger than yours used to be"
the list could go on forever, really.

but then in the end, we find ourselves in that foreseen predicament
we feel like fucking kicking ourselves
while countless itoldyouso-s scream in our head and through the tears we know find have been running down our faces for a while now

and we think
what if, what if, WHAT IF
what if we stuck to the plan?
what if we didn't make the stupid mistake to begin with?

and then;
what now?

we're little girls again
left crying alone
and we think
i should've just listened to mummy when she said,
don't touch the iron because it's hot.

and after we touched it and got burnt,
and mummy puts cream on it and wraps it up and tells us,
now don't hurt yourself like that anymore, just stay away;
we find ourselves still reaching out to touch that bloody iron,
sticking our hands into boiling water and fascinating ourselves
watching blue fire run over our hands
and then the pain hits us
and we're crying again

we should've just listened
we should've just bloody fucking listened
then it wouldn't hurt so bad

- xoxo
charis loves you
12:33 AM

Comments: Post a Comment

only yours baby

i'm charis vera Ng,
i'm NOT a Singaporean, i was born in UK
but i spent most of my four years in scotland
i love alastair(:
i'm doing my best to live for God though i often fail miserably

ok,try this:
you're this girl who's flown over to this country when you're no more than four years of age
you resent your dad for it,
and it doesn't help when things between your parents don't work out either.

so you miss your home terribly,
you miss going strawberry-picking,
you miss eating boiled eggs out of egg-cups
and you miss warm and cuddly Uncle John and Aunty Esther.

instead,
you find yourself forced to change
and adapt in a horribly hot place
where in primary school,
you meet cold,heartless little kids who ignore you and don't let you play "family"
just cos your accent is different.
early on,
you get weird looks and you find yourself going for recess breaks alone.
your classmates complain to the class teacher when you call them stupid
because they don't understand what to you is simple english.
but they leave you alone when you call them an imbecile
because they don't know what it means.
your primary 1 & 2 class teacher takes joy in complaining to your mummy
because she detests you.
she detests you for constantly correcting her english grammer and pronunciation in front of the class
you soon realize that you can actually gain and keep friends upon them finding out your mother's an actress
but by that time you've more or less forced yourself to lose your accent which makes communication a lot easier anyway.

that was the little girl charis,
now,
on top of that,
i can be a total biotch sometimes, towards people.
and don't tell me you aren't sometimes please.
but i try my very best not to bitch about people.
im a dangerous shopper(=
i never know what i want or need til i see it.

i don't like television.
now that's a first innit?HAH.
bet you never knew someone who didn't like tv
well i don't
and i'm not trying to be different and difficult
it's noisy and boring
i like music:)
i find eating a chore but i love snacking
figure that out
i find certain kinds of pain addictive,
no, i promise i'm still sane.

which is actually pretty remarkable for someone living here,
in this time and place
where you normally get loads of homework,
tests with questions that look like they're in foreign language,
and where everything's a competition to be the best,
the prettiest,
the most popular,
the most hated,
the thinnest,
the fattest, the coolest
the list goes on.
one shouldn't try to be something you're not,
but everyone knows that's easier said than done.
like duurh.