with |ove; me

Friday, April 13, 2007

we're back at that again
again
again
again

why do you do that?
why do i do what i do?
say something which
in the end
won't happen
my hope dashed again and
again

but how?
i stopped,
i shouldn't have had expectations.
wasn't that the problem?
it wasn't supposed to be like this
it wasn't supposed to be painful anymore
so why is it?
why do i still wait, hopefully
like a dog at the door
and why do i still cry?
why is it still so painful?

you ask me what's wrong
and i tell you
so you reply
with an iloveyou
and go on doing whatever it was you were doing

i don't get it anymore
and i hate missing you so much
i hate needing you so much
i hate being so fucking clingy
because i get annoyed at myself

and in the end,
it's all too terribly obvious;
as i, just sit
the rain and tears running down my face,
indistinguishable,
life goes on.
you've got plenty of stuff to do,
like everyone else
and i ought to go look for a life to live

i do know what i want
i do want you,
so so much
to the point where i hate myself because
it's unreciprocated.
and i, just look pathetic.

allow me to go get a life,
get a fucking life

- xoxo
charis loves you
1:18 PM

Comments: Post a Comment

only yours baby

i'm charis vera Ng,
i'm NOT a Singaporean, i was born in UK
but i spent most of my four years in scotland
i love alastair(:
i'm doing my best to live for God though i often fail miserably

ok,try this:
you're this girl who's flown over to this country when you're no more than four years of age
you resent your dad for it,
and it doesn't help when things between your parents don't work out either.

so you miss your home terribly,
you miss going strawberry-picking,
you miss eating boiled eggs out of egg-cups
and you miss warm and cuddly Uncle John and Aunty Esther.

instead,
you find yourself forced to change
and adapt in a horribly hot place
where in primary school,
you meet cold,heartless little kids who ignore you and don't let you play "family"
just cos your accent is different.
early on,
you get weird looks and you find yourself going for recess breaks alone.
your classmates complain to the class teacher when you call them stupid
because they don't understand what to you is simple english.
but they leave you alone when you call them an imbecile
because they don't know what it means.
your primary 1 & 2 class teacher takes joy in complaining to your mummy
because she detests you.
she detests you for constantly correcting her english grammer and pronunciation in front of the class
you soon realize that you can actually gain and keep friends upon them finding out your mother's an actress
but by that time you've more or less forced yourself to lose your accent which makes communication a lot easier anyway.

that was the little girl charis,
now,
on top of that,
i can be a total biotch sometimes, towards people.
and don't tell me you aren't sometimes please.
but i try my very best not to bitch about people.
im a dangerous shopper(=
i never know what i want or need til i see it.

i don't like television.
now that's a first innit?HAH.
bet you never knew someone who didn't like tv
well i don't
and i'm not trying to be different and difficult
it's noisy and boring
i like music:)
i find eating a chore but i love snacking
figure that out
i find certain kinds of pain addictive,
no, i promise i'm still sane.

which is actually pretty remarkable for someone living here,
in this time and place
where you normally get loads of homework,
tests with questions that look like they're in foreign language,
and where everything's a competition to be the best,
the prettiest,
the most popular,
the most hated,
the thinnest,
the fattest, the coolest
the list goes on.
one shouldn't try to be something you're not,
but everyone knows that's easier said than done.
like duurh.