with |ove; me

Friday, April 06, 2007

hello my little darling shithead,
who's actually not at all a shit head,
she's my fucking smart ass beau(:

i miss you<3

1) i'm gonna be on teeeveee for my blog(:
2) i got my lip pierced, finally, at long last
and YES! ann it is boooteeeefoool! absolutely boooteefoool!

3) school was vondafeul. that means wonderful darlings!

so i met some girl my age, who apparently quit school this year as well.
her reasons are completely unknown, perhaps she just grew tired of wearing school uniform
(god knows what makes these kinda people do stuff like that)
she does look a tad bit better compared to the last time i saw her though

i'll admit, it's strange seeing her
what with the tattoos and all.
simply because,
she was the weird, odd one in school
saying hello to random people while we look past her eyes and wonder when she's gonna stop talking.
the geek, good girl just trying to make friends
oh i sound like a bitch, sorry.

i realize a lot of people do a hell lot to try and fit in
it could be to fit in with their clique, or their class
or whatever really

it's unbelievable how many times i have had eyebrows raised in my direction because
i'm straight/bisexual/whatever it is you want to call me, while my bestest best friends swing in a slightly different direction.
really! i mean, okay i won't go into details now.

i think it's sad, when people i know speak lovely english lose it all when they're with their clique because
ah lianXxX language sho kewLx worXxZ

i'm ranting again, i have to shutup

how could you say that?
what, just because i ... ?
i want to do everything i can, so you know how much i love you.
because i really do, with all my heart.
but you're not making it any easier for yourself to believe me,
or for me to believe me either
you're casting such a long shadow of a doubt
and baby, it's just getting so so painful

beyond a shadow of a doubt
as a mighty river flows
as a meadow gently plays
with the wind on summer days

about as deep as deep can go
from the canyons to the sky
like a mother, as she cares
for the baby that she bears

do i love you don't you know by now?
do i love you must i show you how?
do i love you, do i have to say
do i love you, yes in every way

- xoxo
charis loves you
12:31 AM

Comments: Post a Comment

only yours baby

i'm charis vera Ng,
i'm NOT a Singaporean, i was born in UK
but i spent most of my four years in scotland
i love alastair(:
i'm doing my best to live for God though i often fail miserably

ok,try this:
you're this girl who's flown over to this country when you're no more than four years of age
you resent your dad for it,
and it doesn't help when things between your parents don't work out either.

so you miss your home terribly,
you miss going strawberry-picking,
you miss eating boiled eggs out of egg-cups
and you miss warm and cuddly Uncle John and Aunty Esther.

instead,
you find yourself forced to change
and adapt in a horribly hot place
where in primary school,
you meet cold,heartless little kids who ignore you and don't let you play "family"
just cos your accent is different.
early on,
you get weird looks and you find yourself going for recess breaks alone.
your classmates complain to the class teacher when you call them stupid
because they don't understand what to you is simple english.
but they leave you alone when you call them an imbecile
because they don't know what it means.
your primary 1 & 2 class teacher takes joy in complaining to your mummy
because she detests you.
she detests you for constantly correcting her english grammer and pronunciation in front of the class
you soon realize that you can actually gain and keep friends upon them finding out your mother's an actress
but by that time you've more or less forced yourself to lose your accent which makes communication a lot easier anyway.

that was the little girl charis,
now,
on top of that,
i can be a total biotch sometimes, towards people.
and don't tell me you aren't sometimes please.
but i try my very best not to bitch about people.
im a dangerous shopper(=
i never know what i want or need til i see it.

i don't like television.
now that's a first innit?HAH.
bet you never knew someone who didn't like tv
well i don't
and i'm not trying to be different and difficult
it's noisy and boring
i like music:)
i find eating a chore but i love snacking
figure that out
i find certain kinds of pain addictive,
no, i promise i'm still sane.

which is actually pretty remarkable for someone living here,
in this time and place
where you normally get loads of homework,
tests with questions that look like they're in foreign language,
and where everything's a competition to be the best,
the prettiest,
the most popular,
the most hated,
the thinnest,
the fattest, the coolest
the list goes on.
one shouldn't try to be something you're not,
but everyone knows that's easier said than done.
like duurh.