with |ove; me

Friday, April 13, 2007

HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Thank God i'm tall enough to reach the liquor cabinet,

and know how to pour myself a glass of baileys' and make myself laugh like this.

God knows what'd happen to me otherwise

simply put,

i realized if we determine say, a period of about a week where we should be completely uncontactable to one another,

i just might be able to handle it better than you.

on the other hand,

having this, (besides the rollercoaster-like, completely different compared to my group of friends,)other wise normal kind of relationship,

i end up needing you more and being fantastically clingier than i could ever have imagined myself.

it's hard thinking rationally and it's taken me time before i managed to come to this.

and i realized, that there's actually nothing we can do about it.

any of it at all.

'nother point.

it's superbly clear how moody you get whenever i go out for drinks with my friends or have a all girls drinking night.

you, and i'll admit, i, we'd both never admit to actually having a problem with each other drinking, now would we?

i'll lay my cards on the table;

Honestly speaking, i don't have a problem with you drinking.

of the two of us, it had always been clear who seemed to have a better head on their shoulders.

But then, quite recently, you're "going out for drinks" more often

every other week, to say the least.

okay, so it's only happened a couple of times in recent.

see, i know how crazily worried you get.

and you'd always keep texting me nonstop on my night out with the girls or if i have my girlfriends over. and if i don't reply fast enough, another text message comes in with a

"i guess you're busy"/"well have fun then" kind of thing

you've beeen getting so terribly intolerant of me lately,

implying how i emotionally blackmail you. but you do just the same thing.

whenever i can, and i always always ask, check, double check,

to see if on my night's out you can be there too.

even if it's just among my friends.

It does get horribly tricky and a tad bit unfair when my friends subtly hint that it's a girls night out after all, and you're a guy. then they try to make me feel better by saying, one feels more restricted with their other half around.

of course, that wouldn't apply to their girlfriends.

Nonetheless, i do try.

simply because i love your company and if it's going to be a sitting around chatting and drinking night, i don't see why you shouldn't be there.

But it's completely different on your side.

Sometime it's an all guys thing, sometimes your female friends are there too.

either ways, one thing's for absolute certain:

i'm not.

and putting aside where facts don't change whether or not it's an all guys night out or inclusive of your girl friends,

you just don't text me at all.

you stop replying after a while, telling me that you couldn't feel the vibration or your phone ran out of battery or something.

and i'm not like you.

so i wouldn't keep texting and texting and texting like crazy when you're obviously out and busy.

but i'll admit, when im on my night's out and you're not there, i try as best as i can to keep replying you. cos i do miss you and i dont want you to worry about me.

You texting me when i'm out late isn't a bad thing,

but me texting you when you're out late is though

Is it the whole girl guy thing going again?

in an effort so you don't worry so much about me, i find myself giving setting a curfew for myself.

telling it to you and promising to meet it.

five, ten minutes past that is unacceptable and you make that obvious all the time.

on top of already being moody because i've been out late.

you text sighs in your messages and sigh if we're on the phone

you tell me i'm busy and should go have fun.

however, if i'm home early or by the stated time,

you don't seem any more excited.

"oh, okay. that's nice. why didn't you stay longer? interesting"

is all i get.

and on nights like these when you're out and away and i don't want to text you and disturb you.

i'm just left looking at the clock and wondering what time you'll be home,

worrying but not wanting to tell you because you scoff.

yes darling, you do scoff, and you tell me you're a guy.

nothing happens to guys.

well a friend of mine has a friend who just got raped.

and he was a guy too.

now i know my mind has a tendency of running wild and weird imaginative film content flies through my head,

but it doesn't make me worry any less.

those old cliches do mean something;

'i worry because i love you'

anyways, dawn's hoooome!

engreeech lesson soon!

haha.

cool eh? i have my english lessons at 1.15am, after a glass of bailey's.

haha.

orhkay dorhkay.

little bunny is back in his rabbit hole;

in other words you can more or less disregard this post.

or not because i'm quite proud of my honesty actually.

and how i was able to type all of this out, clearly and rationally.

- xoxo
charis loves you
11:27 PM

Comments: Post a Comment

only yours baby

i'm charis vera Ng,
i'm NOT a Singaporean, i was born in UK
but i spent most of my four years in scotland
i love alastair(:
i'm doing my best to live for God though i often fail miserably

ok,try this:
you're this girl who's flown over to this country when you're no more than four years of age
you resent your dad for it,
and it doesn't help when things between your parents don't work out either.

so you miss your home terribly,
you miss going strawberry-picking,
you miss eating boiled eggs out of egg-cups
and you miss warm and cuddly Uncle John and Aunty Esther.

instead,
you find yourself forced to change
and adapt in a horribly hot place
where in primary school,
you meet cold,heartless little kids who ignore you and don't let you play "family"
just cos your accent is different.
early on,
you get weird looks and you find yourself going for recess breaks alone.
your classmates complain to the class teacher when you call them stupid
because they don't understand what to you is simple english.
but they leave you alone when you call them an imbecile
because they don't know what it means.
your primary 1 & 2 class teacher takes joy in complaining to your mummy
because she detests you.
she detests you for constantly correcting her english grammer and pronunciation in front of the class
you soon realize that you can actually gain and keep friends upon them finding out your mother's an actress
but by that time you've more or less forced yourself to lose your accent which makes communication a lot easier anyway.

that was the little girl charis,
now,
on top of that,
i can be a total biotch sometimes, towards people.
and don't tell me you aren't sometimes please.
but i try my very best not to bitch about people.
im a dangerous shopper(=
i never know what i want or need til i see it.

i don't like television.
now that's a first innit?HAH.
bet you never knew someone who didn't like tv
well i don't
and i'm not trying to be different and difficult
it's noisy and boring
i like music:)
i find eating a chore but i love snacking
figure that out
i find certain kinds of pain addictive,
no, i promise i'm still sane.

which is actually pretty remarkable for someone living here,
in this time and place
where you normally get loads of homework,
tests with questions that look like they're in foreign language,
and where everything's a competition to be the best,
the prettiest,
the most popular,
the most hated,
the thinnest,
the fattest, the coolest
the list goes on.
one shouldn't try to be something you're not,
but everyone knows that's easier said than done.
like duurh.