with |ove; me

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

if love was meant to hurt as much as this,
we shoulda just been left in war

cos yes,
it tore me up inside
and it's still eating at me now

it just happened to be today, didn't it?
and no one's to blame

but somehow, someway or other
things like this seem to crop up
and you know, just happen

i suppose i'm an utter bitch to be so torn between my feelings
hoping against hope that you'll be okay
and the other part of me
saying "i told you so"

i hate to think
that i actually saw this coming
and as much as i get excited every single time,
i hold back just a bit
knowing it's not gonna be that perfect
that easy

i've got a lot to do with school and all
been absolutely swamped with work and test after test after test
i've another this friday, literature
helped annie out with lit this afternoon
our teacher's gonna help us along towards failure i'm telling you

i'm gonna go jogging now to clear my head

~~stacie orrico: what good is love when it keeps on hurting me~~

thing is,
it's only moments like these which break my heart so
other than that
you're perfect

so i say: make war, not love.
you scream, you fight and you kill.
it's better than loving, giving yourself totally to someone,
to have that part torn away from you

- xoxo
charis loves you
7:54 PM

Comments: Post a Comment

only yours baby

i'm charis vera Ng,
i'm NOT a Singaporean, i was born in UK
but i spent most of my four years in scotland
i love alastair(:
i'm doing my best to live for God though i often fail miserably

ok,try this:
you're this girl who's flown over to this country when you're no more than four years of age
you resent your dad for it,
and it doesn't help when things between your parents don't work out either.

so you miss your home terribly,
you miss going strawberry-picking,
you miss eating boiled eggs out of egg-cups
and you miss warm and cuddly Uncle John and Aunty Esther.

instead,
you find yourself forced to change
and adapt in a horribly hot place
where in primary school,
you meet cold,heartless little kids who ignore you and don't let you play "family"
just cos your accent is different.
early on,
you get weird looks and you find yourself going for recess breaks alone.
your classmates complain to the class teacher when you call them stupid
because they don't understand what to you is simple english.
but they leave you alone when you call them an imbecile
because they don't know what it means.
your primary 1 & 2 class teacher takes joy in complaining to your mummy
because she detests you.
she detests you for constantly correcting her english grammer and pronunciation in front of the class
you soon realize that you can actually gain and keep friends upon them finding out your mother's an actress
but by that time you've more or less forced yourself to lose your accent which makes communication a lot easier anyway.

that was the little girl charis,
now,
on top of that,
i can be a total biotch sometimes, towards people.
and don't tell me you aren't sometimes please.
but i try my very best not to bitch about people.
im a dangerous shopper(=
i never know what i want or need til i see it.

i don't like television.
now that's a first innit?HAH.
bet you never knew someone who didn't like tv
well i don't
and i'm not trying to be different and difficult
it's noisy and boring
i like music:)
i find eating a chore but i love snacking
figure that out
i find certain kinds of pain addictive,
no, i promise i'm still sane.

which is actually pretty remarkable for someone living here,
in this time and place
where you normally get loads of homework,
tests with questions that look like they're in foreign language,
and where everything's a competition to be the best,
the prettiest,
the most popular,
the most hated,
the thinnest,
the fattest, the coolest
the list goes on.
one shouldn't try to be something you're not,
but everyone knows that's easier said than done.
like duurh.