with |ove; me

Friday, January 19, 2007

wish i was like vicky, who's too tired to type anything

after yesterday's cheerleading my voice is pretty much gone

and when my throat goes,
so does the rest of my body
so throughout ld, while filling in for archanaa,
i was running a fever, had swollen fingers,
not to mention my horribly painful throat and
oh yes
i've got an ulcer right at the back of my mouth,
settled between my cheek and my teeth

today's long day included PE and afterwards,
at the end of my long day,
my last lesson being one where count jacob picked on moomoo and i,
i had eldds
acting took away being sick for a little bit
just a little

tired when i was home,
i started munching on what i found was reasonably small
and could munch on without hurting my throat

"it's just that you're crunching and crunching and you always complain about being fat"
what a wonderfully nice comment don't you think?
considering what happened last night which i had pretty much gotten over by the time we got on the phone

so i stop eating, i would like to tell you, and i'm lying on the bed
and you shout and tell me you hate my attitude
all this,
while i'm drained after 11hours straight in school as well as being
sick.

but oh, you do have such a lot to say don't you?
having not gone to school yesterday and being in school today for what,
2 hours?

i'm sorry then,
that when i was ill and needed something to bite on,
you felt that i was being hypocritical
simply by eating

because, please sir,
do tell me that you don't complain of being fat in the morning and then have dinner that same day

and look,
this isn't all there is anymore now is it?
because here you are,
throwing attempted balls of insults in my direction
and deciding you want to go to bed

go on,
go ahead

we'll let it all crumble beneath us now won't we?
we'll let our memories mist over
and simply
put up with each other now

i'm watching a friend of mine enjoy the whirlwind i once did,
quite some time ago now
i'm watching her laugh and smile
and get prettier, more beautiful by the day
as love always does for you

what we once had is now slipping from grasp
and i am left with my once had beens and used to bes

times we might try to recreate but perhaps can,
and never will ever be able to again

perhaps if this heads down the road we dread
we will never again take that chance on love
then i will tell you now
that i am glad i took that chance
and that i took it with you

- xoxo
charis loves you
10:09 PM

Comments: Post a Comment

only yours baby

i'm charis vera Ng,
i'm NOT a Singaporean, i was born in UK
but i spent most of my four years in scotland
i love alastair(:
i'm doing my best to live for God though i often fail miserably

ok,try this:
you're this girl who's flown over to this country when you're no more than four years of age
you resent your dad for it,
and it doesn't help when things between your parents don't work out either.

so you miss your home terribly,
you miss going strawberry-picking,
you miss eating boiled eggs out of egg-cups
and you miss warm and cuddly Uncle John and Aunty Esther.

instead,
you find yourself forced to change
and adapt in a horribly hot place
where in primary school,
you meet cold,heartless little kids who ignore you and don't let you play "family"
just cos your accent is different.
early on,
you get weird looks and you find yourself going for recess breaks alone.
your classmates complain to the class teacher when you call them stupid
because they don't understand what to you is simple english.
but they leave you alone when you call them an imbecile
because they don't know what it means.
your primary 1 & 2 class teacher takes joy in complaining to your mummy
because she detests you.
she detests you for constantly correcting her english grammer and pronunciation in front of the class
you soon realize that you can actually gain and keep friends upon them finding out your mother's an actress
but by that time you've more or less forced yourself to lose your accent which makes communication a lot easier anyway.

that was the little girl charis,
now,
on top of that,
i can be a total biotch sometimes, towards people.
and don't tell me you aren't sometimes please.
but i try my very best not to bitch about people.
im a dangerous shopper(=
i never know what i want or need til i see it.

i don't like television.
now that's a first innit?HAH.
bet you never knew someone who didn't like tv
well i don't
and i'm not trying to be different and difficult
it's noisy and boring
i like music:)
i find eating a chore but i love snacking
figure that out
i find certain kinds of pain addictive,
no, i promise i'm still sane.

which is actually pretty remarkable for someone living here,
in this time and place
where you normally get loads of homework,
tests with questions that look like they're in foreign language,
and where everything's a competition to be the best,
the prettiest,
the most popular,
the most hated,
the thinnest,
the fattest, the coolest
the list goes on.
one shouldn't try to be something you're not,
but everyone knows that's easier said than done.
like duurh.