Thursday, January 18, 2007
there're so many things that i'd like to blog about
but honestly,
i'm running out of time
still,
now that i've bothered to open up this page and start typing
i'll probably at least touch lightly the stuff i really want to talk about
i'd like to start off this post with an absolute miracle which i know i can only thank God for
i'll admit,
i'm not very christian-y
i've allowed myself to look at things without faith,
on purpose, i might add
i've pulled myself away, maybe because i wanted to run away for a while
maybe
still,
i believe in my God and yes, he does work wonders
Uncle John, who's always been like a grandfather to me
and is my mother's spiritual father, has been ill for a while
i havn't seen him in about a decade i think and i've really missed him
childhood memories do stick with you
he's been in and out of hospital and Aunty Esther, his wife, has been worried sick
last year, we found out, when he had peumonia and went for a check up,
that he had lung cancer.
Uncle John has been asking the elder's to pray over him and he believes ad has faith in Christ, alone.
this means, no medicine, if i'm not wrong.
5 minutes ago,
i just found out that he went for a recent check up with a professor,
and there are no cancer cells whatsoever
it was as if there weren't any to begin with.
that, is a miracle.
since we've started off with a christian touch,
chapel this week was good.
i paid attention, haha.
Deborah was a judge and other than that,
not much else is being said about her.
the preacher said that in those times, family was extremely important,
so one can assume she had her life in complete order which was why she was given the role of being a judge.
an example, for all to see
i definitely do not doubt her faith in God, but since there is room for assumptions about her family life, i'd like to think differently.
it reminded me too much of most of my school life,
how i've been told over and over again that my conduct and grades have to be good and because it wasn't,
that's why i was removed from the chapel team and had responsibilities taken away from me.
i was once told that i had been considered to represent the school in public speaking but they decided against me because my conduct wasn't in the least bit good.
true, if you can't be trusted with the small things,
how can you be trusted with the big things!
but everyone had seen and known my tendencies. that what i had a passion for, i went all out and put in a 110%
of course, the down side was that i would further neglect my studies and that's what the problem was.
Deborah was a good judge, and the people came to her to have their disputes settled.
it is assumed, she mantained an orderly household and was faithful in other aspects such as her marriage and all.
it is assumed.
i would like to think about the possibility of Deborah being a wild, crazy teenager. the adults might have frowned upon her but whatever anyone said, it was undeniable, her faith and love for the Lord.
i would like to think that.
and i would like to think that she did have her own set of problems.
maybe she and her husband were distant, even though they remained faithful.
distant because, being a judge, is extremely demanding on top of which, one has to remember the male ego.
for some it's okay, but for many others, they can't stand their wife being more sucessful, especially so much more; a judge.
i would like to think that even though Deborah mantained her outward appearances because she knew she had to, she had the same inner turmoils and conflicts.
she had arguements with her husband, whatshisnamethatstartswithL, when she came back late or her job resulted in an inconsistent dinner timing.
small, silly things like that.
perhaps, this is where she leaned on God most.
her life in disarray but still, she kept her faith and definitely remained a good role model.
after all, your life can be in an utter mess and the Lord will still use you.
He likes surprising us, as most of us should have realized by now.
He likes using the people we least expect and maybe,
Deborah was one of those people.
you don't have to be a good mother
(how do you define a good mother anyways!)
you don't have to have a perfect, orderly household
or even an amazing marriage
because whatever you are and however you are,
The Lord will use you. He will use us.
that's why i'd like to think that Deborah,
was a little less than perfect.
just like us.
this sounds so weird, coming from me.
but here you have it.
now, moving on
***********
i saw the picture and couldn't help the tears springing to my eyes
i would wonder, where she is right now
and wonder, if she loved me so much,
why she left.
i looked at the picture and i thought
what if this was all i had left,
what if this,
is all she has left now.
don't fall apart now,
please don't.
there are too many broken homes
too many broken children
too many boys who've had to stay strong and too many girls,
with tear stained faces.
don't fall apart now,
please don't
when the product of your marriage is waiting at the door of your home
there are too many little boys who have to hold their mothers as they cry for their fathers
too many little girls thinking of ways and ways to have everyone together
don't fall apart now,
please don't
don't fall apart now,
please don't
don't we all need miracles?
i'm praying for one for you.
- xoxo
charis loves you
10:33 PM
peeeeektooores!(: