with |ove; me

Wednesday, January 31, 2007

i'm pissed off, so i will be an unreasonable brat and type out my frustrations here

i can safely say,
honestly, happily almost(if not for what just happened)
that my relationship with my sister has improved tremendously over the past two, three days

sometimes i get pissed off, i yell
when janice is in a bad mood, she yells too
sometimes we're civil to each other,
other times we're splashing water at each other over some minor detail

whatever it is,
if you have a sibling not that much younger/older than you,
you will understand the ups and downs of sibling relationships
the love and hates
the good and the bad

my mother said tonight that i abuse my sister
and she emphasised how she would indeed use that word
sparked off by what, you might ask
my sister asked,not for the first time,
for her 2b chinese textbook
i'm rushing for deadlines and she's panicking at the last minute
so obviously, we're a little less than courteous
but nothing we're not used to
so i say "well thanks for telling me the day before"
(she needs it tomorrow)

the only other solution she can think of is to buy a new book
yes, she was across the house and yes, i shouldn't have raised my voice
but i did slightly,
to tell her why not just borrow it
i see the door close against my voice
now wouldn't that piss you off?

so i pretty much storm over to have my mother tell me i'm being inconsiderate
that's granted
then she tells me she was the one who told janice to shut the door so that i'll come in for her
that i don't admit that i'm wrong
okay, a whole lot of other stuff

yes, i was wrong for shouting across the house when my flatmate's asleep
and i was wrong for storming across with a "thumpthumpthump"
but raise your hand if you're not gonna get the least bit peeved because you're saying something, only to be ignored completely, and have the door shut in your face
this isn't my sister's fault in the least,
she was just doing what she was told

see,
this is what pisses me off
yes, janice and i fight like crazy
but those times that we found ourselves holding each other crying over either one of our parents
our playing together like we used to
was anyone there to see?
hmmm?

just as much as we fight,
we are civil to each other
we don't play together much anymore but we talk,
we're sisters
we communicate
we're friends
and yes
i will say we're friends

i'm rushing for my fucking art and being pissed off about something like this,
which inevitably has blown up into something bigger,
just pisses me off even more
i don't have the time to be pissed off
but look what's happening here

there have been times,
too may to count
where janice and i are like chatting at some part of the house
and our mother suddenly yells from the kitchen
"OIE OIE OIE WHAT'S GOING ON"
and janice and i kinda look at each other blankly

or we could be laughing, screaming even
and she charges in screaming
"STOP FIGHTING YOU TWO"
and even though that annoys me,
i burst out laughing with my sister,
who would laugh because in times like these,
she is the more goodnatured of the two

still
it's undeniable how that irks me

i will admit that i was mean to my sister when i was younger
and now,
on occassions i probably still am a bitch
but i feel like what i did against my sister as a kid is held against me til now

interference, be it from a mother or a boyfriend or a father,
unless asked,
doesn't really help all that much
and you parents ought to know that

kids will be kids
siblings will sort it out among themselves evenif it means they don't talk to each other for a couple of days
as long as you're not pitching us against each other,
we'll never come to fighting a war against each other

interference, is just that
interference

of course if it's something we cant agree on and we call you up yelling over the phone about the other
than step in
we've asked you to, after all

sometimes i think my mom doesn't get it because she doesnt have a sibling

i love my mom
and it's hard being a mother

but this incident just fucking pissed me off

now if you please,
i must get back to work.

- xoxo
charis loves you
11:45 PM

Comments: Post a Comment

only yours baby

i'm charis vera Ng,
i'm NOT a Singaporean, i was born in UK
but i spent most of my four years in scotland
i love alastair(:
i'm doing my best to live for God though i often fail miserably

ok,try this:
you're this girl who's flown over to this country when you're no more than four years of age
you resent your dad for it,
and it doesn't help when things between your parents don't work out either.

so you miss your home terribly,
you miss going strawberry-picking,
you miss eating boiled eggs out of egg-cups
and you miss warm and cuddly Uncle John and Aunty Esther.

instead,
you find yourself forced to change
and adapt in a horribly hot place
where in primary school,
you meet cold,heartless little kids who ignore you and don't let you play "family"
just cos your accent is different.
early on,
you get weird looks and you find yourself going for recess breaks alone.
your classmates complain to the class teacher when you call them stupid
because they don't understand what to you is simple english.
but they leave you alone when you call them an imbecile
because they don't know what it means.
your primary 1 & 2 class teacher takes joy in complaining to your mummy
because she detests you.
she detests you for constantly correcting her english grammer and pronunciation in front of the class
you soon realize that you can actually gain and keep friends upon them finding out your mother's an actress
but by that time you've more or less forced yourself to lose your accent which makes communication a lot easier anyway.

that was the little girl charis,
now,
on top of that,
i can be a total biotch sometimes, towards people.
and don't tell me you aren't sometimes please.
but i try my very best not to bitch about people.
im a dangerous shopper(=
i never know what i want or need til i see it.

i don't like television.
now that's a first innit?HAH.
bet you never knew someone who didn't like tv
well i don't
and i'm not trying to be different and difficult
it's noisy and boring
i like music:)
i find eating a chore but i love snacking
figure that out
i find certain kinds of pain addictive,
no, i promise i'm still sane.

which is actually pretty remarkable for someone living here,
in this time and place
where you normally get loads of homework,
tests with questions that look like they're in foreign language,
and where everything's a competition to be the best,
the prettiest,
the most popular,
the most hated,
the thinnest,
the fattest, the coolest
the list goes on.
one shouldn't try to be something you're not,
but everyone knows that's easier said than done.
like duurh.