alone i was
before your love
when i saw you
i knew my life was touched

i saw your smile
and then i knew
that everything i felt
inside was true

i saw your smile
and then i knew
that i was gonna spend
my life with you


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Sunday, July 02, 2006

old pictures and utter narccism(?)
precious time with my baby buu(:




my parents have finally come to an agreement for the arrangement for a tutor for my sister and i
busy with rehearsals and my own shit plusplusplus
on top of which i've promised to get tutored by my chinese teacher

anyway,
this tutor daddy insisted on us hiring is stepmom's chinese tutor
kid from poly and says she's better at math

anyway
first lesson's on tuesday
definitely can't make it
but yea well

mummy's been on the phone with our new tutor
and according to her
our relation to daddy,
my father
is, at least so he told her
"a friend who has two daughters"

i've more or less gotten over my parents divorce
gotten over the fact that stepmom and the soon to be new family will take priority over me and janice
gotten over the fact that he pays more to keep his lovely shiny audi than his two girls from the first marriage
and i've gotten over the fact that daddy putting on two year old charis' little green booties are no more than lovely postcard pictures
as is the daddy videotaping charis dancing with penny,
swinging her round and round in front of the fire place

but this,
this is new
that now we're just
"daughters of a friend"

not even his own daughters


i can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
that don't bother me
i can take a few tears now and then and just let em out
i'm not afraid to cry
every once
in a while
even though going on with you gone
still upsets me
there are days every now and again
i pretend i'm okay
but that's not what gets me

what hurts the most,
was being so close
and havin' so much to say
and watching you walk away
never knowin
what could have been
and not seeing that loving you
is what i was trying to do

amazing how a love song can be turned round and mean so much from a daughter to her father
or rather
the father she never quite had

don't get me wrong
i loved him
i still do
and i love his fatherness and all

guess he'll never know how much he hurt me
us
my family

so anyway,
today was good

i have to prepare for tomorrow though
paint my nails garish red
have horrible makeup
and i'm going down for tomorrow's closing ceremony

i almost don't want the music marathon to end
you know,
because it's so lovely
it's so nice knowing my school's there
in millenia walk
even right now
at this precise moment

i sang a couple of solos=D
yep
haha
not too bad i suppose
except i'm a tad upset that after all our hard work
all our practicing and effort
our performance was great besides a few hiccups here and there
but our performance was at 8.30 am on a friday
this means we weren't watched by people other than tired old cleaners,
supportive parents and teachers

my voice echoed off
it was okay, the sound
but few people to appreciate
so i guess,
i feel for those up there singing at about 2am

ah well
it's not for us,
it's for the school=D

pauline's group sang amazingly well
but this other group,
shan't say who
they were horrible
makes me wonder why they didn't get the 8.30 shift
ugh

okay busy busy me
i have to complete my ary project and all the other shit for tomorrow






i'm asking myself if i love you
i'm asking myself if the time has come
for our relationship to crumble like a leaf
stepped one
i'm asking if it is time our love fade
like all the rest during this long, harsh breakup season

and i found the answer

no, the relationship would not end here
no, it is not time for our relationship to crumble
nor the time for our love to fade
no, the time has not come

and it never will

wo bu hui xue zhe fang qi ni,
shi ying wei wo tai ai ni

- xoxo
charis loves you
11:10 PM

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layout by chris. (:

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just for laughs
my boyfriend's a twat
overheard in New York

peeeeektooores!(:

only yours baby

i'm charis vera Ng,
i'm NOT a Singaporean, i was born in UK
but i spent most of my four years in scotland
i love alastair(:
i'm doing my best to live for God though i often fail miserably

ok,try this:
you're this girl who's flown over to this country when you're no more than four years of age
you resent your dad for it,
and it doesn't help when things between your parents don't work out either.

so you miss your home terribly,
you miss going strawberry-picking,
you miss eating boiled eggs out of egg-cups
and you miss warm and cuddly Uncle John and Aunty Esther.

instead,
you find yourself forced to change
and adapt in a horribly hot place
where in primary school,
you meet cold,heartless little kids who ignore you and don't let you play "family"
just cos your accent is different.
early on,
you get weird looks and you find yourself going for recess breaks alone.
your classmates complain to the class teacher when you call them stupid
because they don't understand what to you is simple english.
but they leave you alone when you call them an imbecile
because they don't know what it means.
your primary 1 & 2 class teacher takes joy in complaining to your mummy
because she detests you.
she detests you for constantly correcting her english grammer and pronunciation in front of the class
you soon realize that you can actually gain and keep friends upon them finding out your mother's an actress
but by that time you've more or less forced yourself to lose your accent which makes communication a lot easier anyway.

that was the little girl charis,
now,
on top of that,
i can be a total biotch sometimes, towards people.
and don't tell me you aren't sometimes please.
but i try my very best not to bitch about people.
im a dangerous shopper(=
i never know what i want or need til i see it.

i don't like television.
now that's a first innit?HAH.
bet you never knew someone who didn't like tv
well i don't
and i'm not trying to be different and difficult
it's noisy and boring
i like music:)
i find eating a chore but i love snacking
figure that out
i find certain kinds of pain addictive,
no, i promise i'm still sane.

which is actually pretty remarkable for someone living here,
in this time and place
where you normally get loads of homework,
tests with questions that look like they're in foreign language,
and where everything's a competition to be the best,
the prettiest,
the most popular,
the most hated,
the thinnest,
the fattest, the coolest
the list goes on.
one shouldn't try to be something you're not,
but everyone knows that's easier said than done.
like duurh.