with |ove; me

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

look at me,
you may think you see who i really am
but you'll never know me

yesterday was nothing more than fucked up shit

really

you used to be my best friend
you told me you wouldn't judge
but i am nothing more than a fucking cheap slut to you

slamming my head against the wall
again and again
it's not who i'm choosing
it's the unreasonability of it all
the marks you left along my neck
the bruises
the knife that you made my best friend
the best friend who replaced you

you should have killed me
so that i wouldn't be here,
feeling this pain
and thinking this way

in the end,
i can only say i'm sorry
i'm sorry i'm not the little angel you always thought i'd be

i've got things to do
and stuff to take care off
so it's pointless to cry

you know, all i ever wanted
was for you to love me the way you did before
but know
i just fucking give up
because i'm so fucking tired
of you
of this
of never being fucking good enough

his mom hates me and you do too
well you guys have something in common now

but i don't wanna care about that
because i'm so tired
fucking tired of this life

the lights of the ferris wheel and the kiddies' roller coaster
the wind blowing through our hair
the night so cool
the moment,
so surreal
so beautiful
i could stay in it forever
i wanted to stay in it forever
because it was you and me,
and all that
and i wanted that to be our forever.

look me in the eye, and tell me that you're happy now
because like you wanted,
we are no more
we'd be fighting a losing battle anyway

words you say that you never really meant

who is that girl i see
staring straight
back at me
why does my reflection show
someone i
don't know

- xoxo
charis loves you
12:30 AM

Comments: Post a Comment

only yours baby

i'm charis vera Ng,
i'm NOT a Singaporean, i was born in UK
but i spent most of my four years in scotland
i love alastair(:
i'm doing my best to live for God though i often fail miserably

ok,try this:
you're this girl who's flown over to this country when you're no more than four years of age
you resent your dad for it,
and it doesn't help when things between your parents don't work out either.

so you miss your home terribly,
you miss going strawberry-picking,
you miss eating boiled eggs out of egg-cups
and you miss warm and cuddly Uncle John and Aunty Esther.

instead,
you find yourself forced to change
and adapt in a horribly hot place
where in primary school,
you meet cold,heartless little kids who ignore you and don't let you play "family"
just cos your accent is different.
early on,
you get weird looks and you find yourself going for recess breaks alone.
your classmates complain to the class teacher when you call them stupid
because they don't understand what to you is simple english.
but they leave you alone when you call them an imbecile
because they don't know what it means.
your primary 1 & 2 class teacher takes joy in complaining to your mummy
because she detests you.
she detests you for constantly correcting her english grammer and pronunciation in front of the class
you soon realize that you can actually gain and keep friends upon them finding out your mother's an actress
but by that time you've more or less forced yourself to lose your accent which makes communication a lot easier anyway.

that was the little girl charis,
now,
on top of that,
i can be a total biotch sometimes, towards people.
and don't tell me you aren't sometimes please.
but i try my very best not to bitch about people.
im a dangerous shopper(=
i never know what i want or need til i see it.

i don't like television.
now that's a first innit?HAH.
bet you never knew someone who didn't like tv
well i don't
and i'm not trying to be different and difficult
it's noisy and boring
i like music:)
i find eating a chore but i love snacking
figure that out
i find certain kinds of pain addictive,
no, i promise i'm still sane.

which is actually pretty remarkable for someone living here,
in this time and place
where you normally get loads of homework,
tests with questions that look like they're in foreign language,
and where everything's a competition to be the best,
the prettiest,
the most popular,
the most hated,
the thinnest,
the fattest, the coolest
the list goes on.
one shouldn't try to be something you're not,
but everyone knows that's easier said than done.
like duurh.