alone i was
before your love
when i saw you
i knew my life was touched

i saw your smile
and then i knew
that everything i felt
inside was true

i saw your smile
and then i knew
that i was gonna spend
my life with you


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Sunday, July 23, 2006

strange how you can love someone
and yet not notice when they're gone
strange how you can hug someone
yet leave them feeling so torn

innit strange?
innit strange?

strange how you can say that you'll be there for them
but you're not
strange how you can plan a date
then say you forgot

innit strange?
innit strange?


innit strange how at the end of my good girl week i get shit from Ms Yoong
and i fall ill
well, the latter isn't a suprise
i've been feeling pretty bad the whole week
which is the start of me falling sick

yesterday's wedding was beautiful and wonderful
the jam at the end of everything was truly,
vineyard style
as we used to say, way back then(:

i had a horrible tummy ache on my way back though
like really horrible and i was grouchy
thought it was nothing at first
then after that it was so fucking painful
i was doubling up and crying

mummy came in,
rubbed stuff on my painful flabs
gave me warm water

i tried going to sleep but i couldn't
i'd sleep and then wake up
cos the pain was unbearable,
it was hot and cold and uncomfortable
all the way til about 3 maybe 4 in the morning
during that time i developed rashes
and i started itching all over
my ears swelled up as did my fingers

i did fall asleep eventually though
and i woke up feeling the continuation of my nightmare
my arms are aching
so is my neck
both my eyes are swollen
one from crying when my tummy hurt
and the other because i think i have an eye infection

ears are still very much swollen
so basically i look disgusting

and i cried again today cos i was upset
i won't get my happy pill today
ah well

i'm still gonna go to school tomorrow though(:
hope i don't look as fucked up as i do now

- xoxo
charis loves you
11:05 AM

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overheard in New York

peeeeektooores!(:

only yours baby

i'm charis vera Ng,
i'm NOT a Singaporean, i was born in UK
but i spent most of my four years in scotland
i love alastair(:
i'm doing my best to live for God though i often fail miserably

ok,try this:
you're this girl who's flown over to this country when you're no more than four years of age
you resent your dad for it,
and it doesn't help when things between your parents don't work out either.

so you miss your home terribly,
you miss going strawberry-picking,
you miss eating boiled eggs out of egg-cups
and you miss warm and cuddly Uncle John and Aunty Esther.

instead,
you find yourself forced to change
and adapt in a horribly hot place
where in primary school,
you meet cold,heartless little kids who ignore you and don't let you play "family"
just cos your accent is different.
early on,
you get weird looks and you find yourself going for recess breaks alone.
your classmates complain to the class teacher when you call them stupid
because they don't understand what to you is simple english.
but they leave you alone when you call them an imbecile
because they don't know what it means.
your primary 1 & 2 class teacher takes joy in complaining to your mummy
because she detests you.
she detests you for constantly correcting her english grammer and pronunciation in front of the class
you soon realize that you can actually gain and keep friends upon them finding out your mother's an actress
but by that time you've more or less forced yourself to lose your accent which makes communication a lot easier anyway.

that was the little girl charis,
now,
on top of that,
i can be a total biotch sometimes, towards people.
and don't tell me you aren't sometimes please.
but i try my very best not to bitch about people.
im a dangerous shopper(=
i never know what i want or need til i see it.

i don't like television.
now that's a first innit?HAH.
bet you never knew someone who didn't like tv
well i don't
and i'm not trying to be different and difficult
it's noisy and boring
i like music:)
i find eating a chore but i love snacking
figure that out
i find certain kinds of pain addictive,
no, i promise i'm still sane.

which is actually pretty remarkable for someone living here,
in this time and place
where you normally get loads of homework,
tests with questions that look like they're in foreign language,
and where everything's a competition to be the best,
the prettiest,
the most popular,
the most hated,
the thinnest,
the fattest, the coolest
the list goes on.
one shouldn't try to be something you're not,
but everyone knows that's easier said than done.
like duurh.