with |ove; me

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

off the cliff,
you're just pushing me off the fucking cliff
but i wanna be there
because
because it's the safest place in the world

it started out horribly bad,
but then as michelle said,
it could be even worse, no?

it was settled,
and it was good,
it was okay
why i had to lie once more and take my sim card out of the phone is beyond me
really,
it is

i'm not one who goes around all emo and saying how screwed up my life is
but you know,
if you think your life is screwed up because you got 90% on your math test instead of 95,
try my life for a while

messed up
messed up bad
you were so close,
so bloody fucking close to having what you'd been good so long for
so bloody fucking close to having that relationship with mummy back the way it used to be.
so close to seeing mummy and alastair less awkward around each other
and then,
this

fuck this
just fuck this

and on top of everything,
you realize what a damned fucking slut everyone thinks you are
including his mom

i don't wanna talk about this
a major part is my fault, i do know
but gee,
i never thought i was a cheap fucking slut
never thought other people saw me as that

i want you back
that's all i want right now
i want you back
i want your trust,
your hugs, your kisses
you telling me it's okay

i want you back momma
i want you back

- xoxo
charis loves you
11:35 AM

Comments: Post a Comment

only yours baby

i'm charis vera Ng,
i'm NOT a Singaporean, i was born in UK
but i spent most of my four years in scotland
i love alastair(:
i'm doing my best to live for God though i often fail miserably

ok,try this:
you're this girl who's flown over to this country when you're no more than four years of age
you resent your dad for it,
and it doesn't help when things between your parents don't work out either.

so you miss your home terribly,
you miss going strawberry-picking,
you miss eating boiled eggs out of egg-cups
and you miss warm and cuddly Uncle John and Aunty Esther.

instead,
you find yourself forced to change
and adapt in a horribly hot place
where in primary school,
you meet cold,heartless little kids who ignore you and don't let you play "family"
just cos your accent is different.
early on,
you get weird looks and you find yourself going for recess breaks alone.
your classmates complain to the class teacher when you call them stupid
because they don't understand what to you is simple english.
but they leave you alone when you call them an imbecile
because they don't know what it means.
your primary 1 & 2 class teacher takes joy in complaining to your mummy
because she detests you.
she detests you for constantly correcting her english grammer and pronunciation in front of the class
you soon realize that you can actually gain and keep friends upon them finding out your mother's an actress
but by that time you've more or less forced yourself to lose your accent which makes communication a lot easier anyway.

that was the little girl charis,
now,
on top of that,
i can be a total biotch sometimes, towards people.
and don't tell me you aren't sometimes please.
but i try my very best not to bitch about people.
im a dangerous shopper(=
i never know what i want or need til i see it.

i don't like television.
now that's a first innit?HAH.
bet you never knew someone who didn't like tv
well i don't
and i'm not trying to be different and difficult
it's noisy and boring
i like music:)
i find eating a chore but i love snacking
figure that out
i find certain kinds of pain addictive,
no, i promise i'm still sane.

which is actually pretty remarkable for someone living here,
in this time and place
where you normally get loads of homework,
tests with questions that look like they're in foreign language,
and where everything's a competition to be the best,
the prettiest,
the most popular,
the most hated,
the thinnest,
the fattest, the coolest
the list goes on.
one shouldn't try to be something you're not,
but everyone knows that's easier said than done.
like duurh.