alone i was
before your love
when i saw you
i knew my life was touched

i saw your smile
and then i knew
that everything i felt
inside was true

i saw your smile
and then i knew
that i was gonna spend
my life with you


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Sunday, June 04, 2006

so sick of love songs, so sad and fucking slow

like you said baby,
it's no one's fault
well it isn't

i just couldn't pick you up today
my family day had company
and i just shouldn't miss you because
i'll be missing you the rest of the week anyway

i'll leave it be,
i'll leave it be.
there's nothing i can do
there's nothing you can do

and at the end of the night,
you can't tell the difference between the sweat running down your face,
or the beer and vodka mixed with it,
or the tears.
or the tears

twinnie and gerad are over right now.
been here since morning,
and we've had this loooong movie marathon
i swear
haha

and i don't think we're done yet

diddums

i miss alastair
i've missed him since forever aand i've missed him while he was away
i still miss him now
i do

gerad's playing the guitar now,
like you know, while we're all supposed to be watching tv
and i miss alastair for that
like twinnie,
i used to nag him to get off the guitar cos he was always tinkering around with it
but i miss him on the guitar now

we're never satisfied are we?

speechless, i had nothing to say
so i didn't reply.
i just didn't reply

so we're starting onto week 2 of june holidays
i've got an audition this week

and oh yes,
a photoshoot next week.
so look out for me in Teenage magazine
i promise i'll be there(:
lovelove

i'm sorry baby, i'm just. really sorry

said i'm so sick of love songs,
so sad and slow
so why can't i turn of the raa.

you know what charis?
stop it
just fucking stop it

it started out a bad day,
then was fun,
then turned bad
but hey you made yourself smile again didn't you?
didn't you?

and all that's left are the spent cigarettes,
that empty bottle of baileys,
the burns on my arm,
and the empty bottle of pills

it's been a long day honey
i'm just.
drained
just drained

i'm sorry baby, i'm just. really sorry

- xoxo
charis loves you
7:20 PM

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peeeeektooores!(:

only yours baby

i'm charis vera Ng,
i'm NOT a Singaporean, i was born in UK
but i spent most of my four years in scotland
i love alastair(:
i'm doing my best to live for God though i often fail miserably

ok,try this:
you're this girl who's flown over to this country when you're no more than four years of age
you resent your dad for it,
and it doesn't help when things between your parents don't work out either.

so you miss your home terribly,
you miss going strawberry-picking,
you miss eating boiled eggs out of egg-cups
and you miss warm and cuddly Uncle John and Aunty Esther.

instead,
you find yourself forced to change
and adapt in a horribly hot place
where in primary school,
you meet cold,heartless little kids who ignore you and don't let you play "family"
just cos your accent is different.
early on,
you get weird looks and you find yourself going for recess breaks alone.
your classmates complain to the class teacher when you call them stupid
because they don't understand what to you is simple english.
but they leave you alone when you call them an imbecile
because they don't know what it means.
your primary 1 & 2 class teacher takes joy in complaining to your mummy
because she detests you.
she detests you for constantly correcting her english grammer and pronunciation in front of the class
you soon realize that you can actually gain and keep friends upon them finding out your mother's an actress
but by that time you've more or less forced yourself to lose your accent which makes communication a lot easier anyway.

that was the little girl charis,
now,
on top of that,
i can be a total biotch sometimes, towards people.
and don't tell me you aren't sometimes please.
but i try my very best not to bitch about people.
im a dangerous shopper(=
i never know what i want or need til i see it.

i don't like television.
now that's a first innit?HAH.
bet you never knew someone who didn't like tv
well i don't
and i'm not trying to be different and difficult
it's noisy and boring
i like music:)
i find eating a chore but i love snacking
figure that out
i find certain kinds of pain addictive,
no, i promise i'm still sane.

which is actually pretty remarkable for someone living here,
in this time and place
where you normally get loads of homework,
tests with questions that look like they're in foreign language,
and where everything's a competition to be the best,
the prettiest,
the most popular,
the most hated,
the thinnest,
the fattest, the coolest
the list goes on.
one shouldn't try to be something you're not,
but everyone knows that's easier said than done.
like duurh.