alone i was
before your love
when i saw you
i knew my life was touched

i saw your smile
and then i knew
that everything i felt
inside was true

i saw your smile
and then i knew
that i was gonna spend
my life with you


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Friday, April 14, 2006

just another word, just another smile
just another feeling, more bitter than bile

today was okay
i woke up at 5.15 to switch off my alarm clock for school
haha

dim sum with alastair's family
after which everyone went to raffles city to hang about for a bit

it was okay i guess

so why this particular feeling gnawing away my insides?

shopping was good
bought what i needed for bird's present

bought silly stupid accessories for my retro theme tomorrow
i'm excited
i havn't told bird that alastair will probably not be coming

i told him she really didn't mind if you don't go according to theme,
you just have to do the forfeit.
but he doesn't wanna

he told me he probably wouldn't be going

i'm still struggling to find out if it makes sense

okay i'm gonna stop being a bitch and unstop talking to him
because
well it's just dumb if i'm upset with my boyfriend cos he doesn't wanna go to my best friend's party

oh yes, i remember now
it was cos he claimed he didn't really know my friends all that well
which is,
well,
does that make sense?

okay nevermind
i'm tired of figuring guys out

i'm tired of a lot of things
i wanna curl up in bed and go to sleep and not wake up for a long time


someone please tell me what's going on.
all i want, all i ever wanted was something simple and sweet.
i never needed the complications
i never fucking wanted the bloody fucking tears
i thought you were here to take them away
i thought

- xoxo
charis loves you
5:05 PM

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just for laughs
my boyfriend's a twat
overheard in New York

peeeeektooores!(:

only yours baby

i'm charis vera Ng,
i'm NOT a Singaporean, i was born in UK
but i spent most of my four years in scotland
i love alastair(:
i'm doing my best to live for God though i often fail miserably

ok,try this:
you're this girl who's flown over to this country when you're no more than four years of age
you resent your dad for it,
and it doesn't help when things between your parents don't work out either.

so you miss your home terribly,
you miss going strawberry-picking,
you miss eating boiled eggs out of egg-cups
and you miss warm and cuddly Uncle John and Aunty Esther.

instead,
you find yourself forced to change
and adapt in a horribly hot place
where in primary school,
you meet cold,heartless little kids who ignore you and don't let you play "family"
just cos your accent is different.
early on,
you get weird looks and you find yourself going for recess breaks alone.
your classmates complain to the class teacher when you call them stupid
because they don't understand what to you is simple english.
but they leave you alone when you call them an imbecile
because they don't know what it means.
your primary 1 & 2 class teacher takes joy in complaining to your mummy
because she detests you.
she detests you for constantly correcting her english grammer and pronunciation in front of the class
you soon realize that you can actually gain and keep friends upon them finding out your mother's an actress
but by that time you've more or less forced yourself to lose your accent which makes communication a lot easier anyway.

that was the little girl charis,
now,
on top of that,
i can be a total biotch sometimes, towards people.
and don't tell me you aren't sometimes please.
but i try my very best not to bitch about people.
im a dangerous shopper(=
i never know what i want or need til i see it.

i don't like television.
now that's a first innit?HAH.
bet you never knew someone who didn't like tv
well i don't
and i'm not trying to be different and difficult
it's noisy and boring
i like music:)
i find eating a chore but i love snacking
figure that out
i find certain kinds of pain addictive,
no, i promise i'm still sane.

which is actually pretty remarkable for someone living here,
in this time and place
where you normally get loads of homework,
tests with questions that look like they're in foreign language,
and where everything's a competition to be the best,
the prettiest,
the most popular,
the most hated,
the thinnest,
the fattest, the coolest
the list goes on.
one shouldn't try to be something you're not,
but everyone knows that's easier said than done.
like duurh.