Wednesday, February 22, 2006
Shittail
December 24th 2004 -
February 22nd 2006
the stupidest,
most darling cat everoh all those times i called you stupid
all those times i kicked you away and screamed at you for sneaking into my room.
oh all those time i squealed because you climbed onto my lap and i didn't want to get furry.
oh all those time i told you i hated you,
that i wanted you to just run away and never come back.
those times i shooed you off the table,
not wanting to get my clothes dirty.
those times i complained about doing your litter
those times i screamed and yelled at you,
those times i got so frustrated because your meows were so horribly loud.
oh baby,
all those times i'd take them back,
i won't complain if only you'd still be around.
if you could just look at me with those huge adorable eyes and meow affectionately.
just one more time,
if you'd dirty my clothes,
or shit horribly in the litter for me to clear up.
just one more time for me to make it right.
just one more time so i could say sorry.
i told you all i wanted to last night,
i can only say i am thankful i got to cradle you in my arms just one last time.
just that one last time,
i held you and kissed you and let you know i did actually love you,
deep down inside.
it was only this last weekend you tried climbing up on me and i squealed,
i pushed you away.
it was only last weekend when you meowed so loudly,
i laughed saying you had to be demon-possessed.
i didn't really care,
it was the start of all going wrong.
but i thought you'd pull through
you always did
i thought it'd all be okay
not too long ago,
you sat at that window,
watching the birds play outside.
you'd jump and paw at the window,
stupidly trying to catch the birds on the other side of the glass pane.
and last night,
you could hardly move.
you couldn't even jump off.
all you could do was crawl off,
you didn't purr.
the soft sound you emitted was barely audible.
my prayers were answered though,
you didn't suffer long.
and though you won't ever read this or see this,
baby,
know i love you.
i love you very very much though i never showed it.
and i'm sorry.
i bid thee farewellon top of a horrible 3am
school wasn't that wonderful.
i caught up with friends though,
that was important to me.
i don't know how to tell the rest of you guys,
so i'll just tell you like this,
here.
explanation and all.
i tried,
but i won't be going to England as much as i really wanted to.
it's no one's fault really.
two contributing factors.
it's just that one contributed more than the other
first up,
deadline for the deposit was today.
my form unsigned and only two hundred in cash.
there was no changing it though my reason was valid.
the deadline was today, that was final.
second up,
most important
the take into account your behaviour and laadeedaa
as anyone can and will point out,
i've got a horrible track record.
since last year,
and this year?
lets not talk about it.
when i heard that everything about us will be taken into account,
i decided i'd buck up.
start coming to school more often and put in lots and lots of effort into being a good girl.
but as Ms Chan pointed out,
over a period of a couple of weeks,
i can't be judged whether or not i'm resposible.
not that anyone would want to.
"you think you even have a chance of going to England?"
that's what Mrs Ong had said
i thought it was awfully mean and bitchy almost.
in the end,
guess what?
so no,
after everything,
after trying hard to persuade daddy and getting all hot and bothered,
after talking to my grandma about it,
and after so many good and bad things which ended up that the financial part of the trip was something i didn't need to worry about,
i'm not going to England.
not going to York,
Manchester,
the works.
there was two parts to the deal,
mummy supported me and the finacial part was done,
i didn't know my end of the deal had already been ruined long before i wanted to try holding up my end by being a good girl
You shot yourself in your own leg Charis, you shot yourself in your own leg
- xoxo
charis loves you
6:00 PM
peeeeektooores!(: