with |ove; me

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

you make me wanna scream
you make me wanna shout
you make me wanna give in and cry out
you make me fall
you make me hurt
you make me tear myself apart.

you make me fail,
give it all up
only to look back
knowing i'm stuck

you make me cry
you make me fear
you make me wish i wasn't here

you make me small
yet sometimes big
and i realize
i'm not as big as i want myself to think

you make me spill my life out open
you make me weak
and leave me choking
you leave me to grasp
yet just out of reach
if it wasn't for you
there would be more for me to see

you dragged me down,
you ruined my life
you brought an only friend,
that harsh steel knife

you're all around me
just go away
why are you in the mirror
when i face it everyday?

you're in my head,
you make me cry
you're a part of me
i want to die

you're in my mind,
you're always there
just leave me alone like you always have
fuck off, you demons in my head

you wrap me tight,
a cold embrace
i run away,
because i cannot face

why don't you die and leave,
i imagine crying tears of relief
but yet i know i cannot escape
you're deep in me
i can't run away

you're in my mind,
you're always there
just leave me along like you always have
fuck the hell off,
you demons in my head

no one knows,
no one's read.

i wrote this when it was what i felt.
maybe it's because my period date is drawing near and i'm getting more emotional.

but oh,
i could hardly handle it all.
the whole of today.

it was a combination of so many things
and everything seemed so screwed up.

but as i wrote this,
i realized i was the sole cause of my own shit.

- xoxo
charis loves you
12:11 AM

Comments: Post a Comment

only yours baby

i'm charis vera Ng,
i'm NOT a Singaporean, i was born in UK
but i spent most of my four years in scotland
i love alastair(:
i'm doing my best to live for God though i often fail miserably

ok,try this:
you're this girl who's flown over to this country when you're no more than four years of age
you resent your dad for it,
and it doesn't help when things between your parents don't work out either.

so you miss your home terribly,
you miss going strawberry-picking,
you miss eating boiled eggs out of egg-cups
and you miss warm and cuddly Uncle John and Aunty Esther.

instead,
you find yourself forced to change
and adapt in a horribly hot place
where in primary school,
you meet cold,heartless little kids who ignore you and don't let you play "family"
just cos your accent is different.
early on,
you get weird looks and you find yourself going for recess breaks alone.
your classmates complain to the class teacher when you call them stupid
because they don't understand what to you is simple english.
but they leave you alone when you call them an imbecile
because they don't know what it means.
your primary 1 & 2 class teacher takes joy in complaining to your mummy
because she detests you.
she detests you for constantly correcting her english grammer and pronunciation in front of the class
you soon realize that you can actually gain and keep friends upon them finding out your mother's an actress
but by that time you've more or less forced yourself to lose your accent which makes communication a lot easier anyway.

that was the little girl charis,
now,
on top of that,
i can be a total biotch sometimes, towards people.
and don't tell me you aren't sometimes please.
but i try my very best not to bitch about people.
im a dangerous shopper(=
i never know what i want or need til i see it.

i don't like television.
now that's a first innit?HAH.
bet you never knew someone who didn't like tv
well i don't
and i'm not trying to be different and difficult
it's noisy and boring
i like music:)
i find eating a chore but i love snacking
figure that out
i find certain kinds of pain addictive,
no, i promise i'm still sane.

which is actually pretty remarkable for someone living here,
in this time and place
where you normally get loads of homework,
tests with questions that look like they're in foreign language,
and where everything's a competition to be the best,
the prettiest,
the most popular,
the most hated,
the thinnest,
the fattest, the coolest
the list goes on.
one shouldn't try to be something you're not,
but everyone knows that's easier said than done.
like duurh.