with |ove; me

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

she couldn't take one more day,
home was more a prison now
independence called out
she had to get it

a fight was all she needed
to give her reason
she slammed the door with no goodbye
and moved out, it was time

now she's drivin too fast
she didn't care to glance behind
through her tears she laughed,
it's time to kiss the past goodbye

i'm finally on my own
don't try to tell me no
there's so much for me
just watch what i will be

she walked away,
couldn't say why she was leaving
she walked away,
she left all she had believed in

she sat on the roof,
on the top level of HDB flats.
she shivered in the evening breeze
she'd told her mom she wouldnt be home any time soon
if her mom knew where she was right now,
she laughed quietly

looking down below,
she asked herself what her reason for living was.
she found herself unable to respond to that
she asked herself what her reason for taking her life was
and realized that it was because her life no longer held meaning.

now or never,
she thought,closing her eyes and taking a deep breath

she'd always wanted to fly anyway,
but she guessed it'd just be falling with style

she felt the wind rushing against her,
felt like the air was pushing her back
she didn't dare to open her eyes as her body fell
because she didnt wanna see the ground rushing towards her,
she didn't wanna see the last time she'd fail,
fail to fly in this case.
and just in case,
she didn't wanna see the ground and realize she might have made a mistake.

she walked away

- xoxo
charis loves you
8:43 PM

Comments: Post a Comment

only yours baby

i'm charis vera Ng,
i'm NOT a Singaporean, i was born in UK
but i spent most of my four years in scotland
i love alastair(:
i'm doing my best to live for God though i often fail miserably

ok,try this:
you're this girl who's flown over to this country when you're no more than four years of age
you resent your dad for it,
and it doesn't help when things between your parents don't work out either.

so you miss your home terribly,
you miss going strawberry-picking,
you miss eating boiled eggs out of egg-cups
and you miss warm and cuddly Uncle John and Aunty Esther.

instead,
you find yourself forced to change
and adapt in a horribly hot place
where in primary school,
you meet cold,heartless little kids who ignore you and don't let you play "family"
just cos your accent is different.
early on,
you get weird looks and you find yourself going for recess breaks alone.
your classmates complain to the class teacher when you call them stupid
because they don't understand what to you is simple english.
but they leave you alone when you call them an imbecile
because they don't know what it means.
your primary 1 & 2 class teacher takes joy in complaining to your mummy
because she detests you.
she detests you for constantly correcting her english grammer and pronunciation in front of the class
you soon realize that you can actually gain and keep friends upon them finding out your mother's an actress
but by that time you've more or less forced yourself to lose your accent which makes communication a lot easier anyway.

that was the little girl charis,
now,
on top of that,
i can be a total biotch sometimes, towards people.
and don't tell me you aren't sometimes please.
but i try my very best not to bitch about people.
im a dangerous shopper(=
i never know what i want or need til i see it.

i don't like television.
now that's a first innit?HAH.
bet you never knew someone who didn't like tv
well i don't
and i'm not trying to be different and difficult
it's noisy and boring
i like music:)
i find eating a chore but i love snacking
figure that out
i find certain kinds of pain addictive,
no, i promise i'm still sane.

which is actually pretty remarkable for someone living here,
in this time and place
where you normally get loads of homework,
tests with questions that look like they're in foreign language,
and where everything's a competition to be the best,
the prettiest,
the most popular,
the most hated,
the thinnest,
the fattest, the coolest
the list goes on.
one shouldn't try to be something you're not,
but everyone knows that's easier said than done.
like duurh.