Tuesday, August 02, 2005
i found what it was that i had been looking for,
what i had tried so hard to find but couldn't seem to since The Father's Hand.
my love
my passioni found it,
and though i didn't like it all that much at the beginning,
i realized i did after all.
and just as i started enjoying this once lost, new-found happiness,
it was over.
taken from me.
snatched from my very hands and though i wanted so much to cry,
i couldn't.
maybe it was shock,
maybe it was the overwhelming adrenaline which come immediately after a performance that kept me from thinking about my loss.
then realization hit.
the gorgeous flowers i was given started drooping.
coicidental is it not?
but somehow,
even then,
i couldn't cry.
i couldn't put into words or tears or even feelings,
the sudden void that was inside me.
the eerie familiarity of it all.
except a year back,
i knew that even after the crying and what i felt i had lost,
i'd still see the cast in school.
i'd still be able to give them hugs and tell them how much i loved them and how i'd never forget them.
maybe it was experience,
the knowledge of the inevitable that held back my tears.
after so much we'd been through,
after so much together,
we still click just like before,
the whole musical cast,
but we hardly see each other now,
and talk even less often.
it was so subtle,
the beginning of the moving on.
and i only realized how far apart we'd grown the last time we met up.
we didn't even celebrate our musical anniversary.
what i do know is that,
yes,we've moved on,
and it's good because we cannot live in the past forever,
but the musical will always stay in our hearts.
ain't nothin' gonna take that away from us.
coming back to the original topic of this entry,
seeing people so close,
people we had worked with for six months move so far away even though we were in the same school,
how much more people who weren't in the same school and whom we'd worked with only for two months?
i'm looking at the horrible side too soon i suppose,
but is it not the inevitable?
very soon we'll go through our contact list on our cellphones or msn and we'll go,
"who the hell is this?"
upon deleting the contact we'd then remember vaugely the person from a drama in the year 2005.
sad but true.
i'm supposed to go back to acsi today,
to return my costumes.
but i'm ill,honestly.
so i can't go today,
when everyone else'll be there.
i can't bring myself to say goodbye just yet.
or maybe a part of me already has.
but somehow,
i don't want it to end here.
reading this you'd think me silly,
knowing guys they've probably forgotten about chris and i already.
but,
i don't know.
maybe it's just me.
but if i don't ever get the chance to say this in person,
i hope you get to read this.
thank you,
every single one of you.
for smiling when i needed to see someone happy,
for being there when i needed someone,
for hugging me when all i needed was a hug.
a couple of shout-outs in no particular order.
Chris:it's been great fun working with you on both this drama night and the SYF.
we're a hell lot different girl,
and hardly anything in common,
but strangely,
it's the smallest things we both laugh at,
and the strangly cute things we smile at.
Ivan:yes,i've gotten on your nerves and you on mine.
you've hurt me and i've upset you.
but above all,
you were the first to make friends with us,
the first to talk with us and explain everything going on.
thanks for ice-cream:)
you were also the only one who saw when all i needed was a hug and gave it to me.
thank you for that because even if all else blurs itself in my mind,
i'll always remember you for the sweetest,sensitive things you've done.
Alastair Su:it was your energy and your huge actions that filled up the stage.
the play wouldn't have been what it is if it weren't for you.
Alex:i got to know you pretty late but once i did,
it was fun:)
half the time you're bullying me and the other half you're being sweet.
you're a crazy nut alex,
but it's been so much fun knowing you.
backstage wouldn't be half as exciting without you and i hope we keep in touch.
so to you,
thank you for cheering me up when i needed it most,
and simply,for being there.
Abishek and Anton:you two are hilarious!
both of you with your amzingly lame jokes and dry sarcasm.
thanks for keeping me laughing during those horribly long waiting hours.
Asher:you're so straight you're crooked sweetie.
but gay or not,
you're amazing on stage.
thank you,also for getting me to try out for singing with your band.
i'd never have found so much fun otherwise and met the crazy fun people you hang out with in your band,one of them Andrew.
Andrew:pretty boy.
it's been immensely fun watching you make out with different guys like ivan and alex.
haha.
you sing great and your acting's even better,
i'm really looking forward to the thing coming out in september.
if there's anything to look forward to after this drama night,
it's seeing and working with you and asher again.
Dhanesh:you brought the house down that last night man!
you were awesome and i'll never forget your gorgeous dance .
Johannes:your acting was absolutely amazing,
you did great.
i really hope one day i'll get the chance to either work with you again or at the very least,watch you act.
it was fun just watching you feed of the audience's energy.
watching you go high on adrenaline.
haha.
hope we'll keep in touch:)
Joshua Cao:meeting you the first time was fun,
meeting you the many times after that was even more fun:)
you should've acted!
whatever it is,
you could've at least danced!
you're an amazing dancer and i hope one day you get talent spotted or something.
thanks for being the one who smiled when i needed to see someone smile.
haha.
there are so many of you i'd like to thank.
there's so much to say but the words won't seem to come.
so to sum it all up,
to everyone, every single person involved in this production.
thank you.
thank you for creating a wonderful memory.
dearest darlingest:thank you. thank you. thank you.
besides your endless comments on this school,you've been there for me.
always a mere phone call away if ever i was bored out of my eyeballs or if i was hurt and needed someone to cry to.
you were there to watch me,to clap and to call my name right at the end.
you believed i could do it,
believed i could cope and told me to rest when you knew, before me,
that i needed to rest.
thank you.
for all those who came to watch,
thank you too.
and i hope you guys all enjoyed the show as much as everyone enjoyed showing it to you:)
and now,
i bid thee farewell.
- xoxo
charis loves you
12:47 PM
peeeeektooores!(: