Wednesday, August 17, 2005
i kept meaning to blog,
honest i did.
i wanted to blog on monday about something of great importance to me,
wanted to blog on tuesday cos i didnt on monday.
and so i've finally gotten round to blogging today about what i intended to on moonday.
so anyway,
it was the symbolic handing over of the 2005 ex-co to the 2006 ex-co.
i couldn't help but tear,
watching the prefects up there,
all looking so happy,
so proud.
gorgeous in their blazer and skirt.
especially soph:)
as claudyn gave her speech,the last one as head prefect,
i was brought back to last year,in the school carpark, where Hui Wen gave her last speech as head prefect.
one thing that more or less "enabled" me to accept claudyn as the new head prefect and not be so critical,especially not as critical as many others,
was hui wen saying something along the lines of us not expecting too much of the new ex-co because they're different and they shouldn't fit into 2004's ex-co's shoes with ease because they have their own shoes to wear,
they have their own mistakes to make.
it was really these very words which allowed me to see and accept the new ex-co as different people.
i mean,
you might think,you're a non-prefect so it doesn really matter right?
but for a whole year,getting super corny lame jokes from trixia made this year's rather cold "keep your classes clean" jokes rather errm, dumb.
and claudyn is so very different from huiwen.
Huiwen was really a people's person, you felt like you knew her even though she was so "high up".
i know i sound rather stupid but,yea.
i can honestly say that Huiwen was my friend and she made an effort to be more than PL's head prefect, she wanted to really be that breach between the student body and the teachers.
she was nice,
but her words made me realize one couldnt expect that from the new head prefect.
i remember realizing then,how much i wanted to be a head prefect.
not cos it was cool or anything.
last year wanted so very much to be someone who could and would both lead and serve the school.
i felt i could do it,and i wanted to.
anyone reading this would burst out laughing,
me?a prefect?
HAH.
lets not talk about head prefect right?
but somehow,
as unlikely as it seemed,i wanted to do it more,
prove everyone wrong.
tell people i could do it.
i decided not to this year though,
even after i promised ms gan i'd try out again.
i didn't try to be good this year,
i didn't try to change.
i mean,
i'm not bad but im no goody two shoes either.
so i gave up this year,
decided against staying back every single day in school,
decided against serving and leading.
decided against wanting to be a different kind of prefect,
possibly a different head prefect.
gave it up.
why?
it took a long time actually,
told myself i'd pierce my nose if i wasn't a prefect this year.
no,
i didnt give it up for a nose piercing,
i dont have one by the way.
errmm,
i think it was the idea of staying back four out of five days a week,
constantly being watched like a hawk,
not being able to make a mistake,not even one.
i think on top of everything,
i realized that last year,
i had changed.
changed for the better in many people's opinion,
but i couldnt help feeling it wasn't me.
i changed for nothing in the end.
i made myself guai last year:)
hard as it is to believe,
no i wouldn't say "made myself guai"
more like,
put a huge effort into being what i wasn't really.
i put effort into making sure my belt wasn't too low,
i was on time for school,
didn't miss school at all if i could help it.
i put in a huge effort to be a good class monitress,
make sure my homework was in on time.
a whole load of things.
i wasn't made a prefect last year and i cried.
but everyone, when i told them,
was like
"you? a prefect?! kidding right?"
it almost hurt,
like the mere idea of me being a prefect was,
simply put,
impossibly hilarious.
so there it is,
i wasn't a prefect.
i appealed.
and my form teacher,bless her heart,
Ms Sem, the one teacher who i'll never forget,
talked to me.
she wasn't asked to,
just told to tell me to see ms gan.
but ms sem told me how different i was.
and i realized,
when she pointed out,
that i wasn't the kind of person they needed or wanted.
because i don't follow instructions.
i can't be someone else's puppet cos it's not me.
i'm not dissing the prefect board here,
im just saying i can't lead by example,
which is what prefects are supposed to do.
so i come back to this topic on which i first started on,
as i sat there,
right at the back of the hall,
watching the new ex-co of 2006 proudly stand there,
having their symbolic handing over,
i thought it beautiful.
and i realized,
i gave that up.
was it worth it?
i don't really know.
but i was glad,
the prefects are one part of the school i'm proud of:)
- xoxo
charis loves you
9:28 PM
peeeeektooores!(: