with |ove; me

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

will i always be there for you
when you need someone
will i be that one you need

will i do all my best to
to protect you
when the tears get near your eyes,
will i be the who's by your side

will i be there when you call me in the middle night
will i keep the rain from falling down into your life
i promise,
i promise i will.

i often wonder what i can do to be a better person.
i seem to mess up all the time.
im not depressed,
promise .

speaking of promises,
i find them of extreme importance,
so why do i always break them?
just like my dad

will you really run away?
i don't know what i'd do if you did.
break down,
cry.
that's for sure.
and don't tell me not to
because it's impossible .
perhaps it's cos i don't really mean all that much,
that's why you'd run away.
but baby,
you mean ever so much to me .
if only you could see.
i love you

as i rest against this cold hard wall,
will you pass me by?
will you critisize me as i sit and cry?
i had fought so hard and thought that all my battles had been won,
only to find the war had just
begun.

i often feel judged .
perhaps you don't mean it.
i know you try hard not to,
it's the last thing you'd want to do,
right?
but just so you know,
i feel judged .
feel like because of one slip up,
you're always holding it against me.
i'm different now,
not the girl you'd always wanted me to be.
instead,
a lot less.
i made my own mistakes and you wished i had just learnt from yours instead of making my own.
my life isn't what you wanted it to be.
i'm less than what i was before.
~~cheap slut~~

- xoxo
charis loves you
1:24 PM

Comments: Post a Comment

only yours baby

i'm charis vera Ng,
i'm NOT a Singaporean, i was born in UK
but i spent most of my four years in scotland
i love alastair(:
i'm doing my best to live for God though i often fail miserably

ok,try this:
you're this girl who's flown over to this country when you're no more than four years of age
you resent your dad for it,
and it doesn't help when things between your parents don't work out either.

so you miss your home terribly,
you miss going strawberry-picking,
you miss eating boiled eggs out of egg-cups
and you miss warm and cuddly Uncle John and Aunty Esther.

instead,
you find yourself forced to change
and adapt in a horribly hot place
where in primary school,
you meet cold,heartless little kids who ignore you and don't let you play "family"
just cos your accent is different.
early on,
you get weird looks and you find yourself going for recess breaks alone.
your classmates complain to the class teacher when you call them stupid
because they don't understand what to you is simple english.
but they leave you alone when you call them an imbecile
because they don't know what it means.
your primary 1 & 2 class teacher takes joy in complaining to your mummy
because she detests you.
she detests you for constantly correcting her english grammer and pronunciation in front of the class
you soon realize that you can actually gain and keep friends upon them finding out your mother's an actress
but by that time you've more or less forced yourself to lose your accent which makes communication a lot easier anyway.

that was the little girl charis,
now,
on top of that,
i can be a total biotch sometimes, towards people.
and don't tell me you aren't sometimes please.
but i try my very best not to bitch about people.
im a dangerous shopper(=
i never know what i want or need til i see it.

i don't like television.
now that's a first innit?HAH.
bet you never knew someone who didn't like tv
well i don't
and i'm not trying to be different and difficult
it's noisy and boring
i like music:)
i find eating a chore but i love snacking
figure that out
i find certain kinds of pain addictive,
no, i promise i'm still sane.

which is actually pretty remarkable for someone living here,
in this time and place
where you normally get loads of homework,
tests with questions that look like they're in foreign language,
and where everything's a competition to be the best,
the prettiest,
the most popular,
the most hated,
the thinnest,
the fattest, the coolest
the list goes on.
one shouldn't try to be something you're not,
but everyone knows that's easier said than done.
like duurh.