with |ove; me

Friday, July 22, 2005

i don't know,
maybe it's just me .
paranoia .
silly girl thing i suppose.

all of a sudden it's like,
i'm not even sure what it's like at all.
it's kinda changed.

i feel this weird distance now.
guess in a way,
im scared we're growing apart .
gawd i sound so bloody stupid,
but there it is.

i always find myself extremely clingy .
one of the things i hate about myself in actual fact.
well,
not clingy per say .
but i'm a very close person in that way.

i thought i had cleared some part of my life,
only to realize it's not all that clear.
i often wonder what i'd do,
if whatever i fear comes true .
shit,im speaking in dumb rhymes.
happens when i least mean it .

sometimes i can only be there for you if you let me.
i can only hug and hold you if you don't push me away.
i'll stay by your side baby,
promise i'll catch you when you fall.
but there's a part of you that only you can reach out to.
a part you keep under lock and key,
ever so far away from me.

maybe it's just me,
i can only imagine the worst.
but i don't .
i think of alternatives too.
i know,
but i
i just wish i knew.
and i just wish you'd let me be there.
cos i want to,
you're just not letting me.

if in the end,
it doesn't turn out like we planned,
i know i'll still love you.
and i know for sure i'll still be there for you.

~~i have to stop here before i start crying in the middle of chinese class~~

- xoxo
charis loves you
10:19 AM

Comments: Post a Comment

only yours baby

i'm charis vera Ng,
i'm NOT a Singaporean, i was born in UK
but i spent most of my four years in scotland
i love alastair(:
i'm doing my best to live for God though i often fail miserably

ok,try this:
you're this girl who's flown over to this country when you're no more than four years of age
you resent your dad for it,
and it doesn't help when things between your parents don't work out either.

so you miss your home terribly,
you miss going strawberry-picking,
you miss eating boiled eggs out of egg-cups
and you miss warm and cuddly Uncle John and Aunty Esther.

instead,
you find yourself forced to change
and adapt in a horribly hot place
where in primary school,
you meet cold,heartless little kids who ignore you and don't let you play "family"
just cos your accent is different.
early on,
you get weird looks and you find yourself going for recess breaks alone.
your classmates complain to the class teacher when you call them stupid
because they don't understand what to you is simple english.
but they leave you alone when you call them an imbecile
because they don't know what it means.
your primary 1 & 2 class teacher takes joy in complaining to your mummy
because she detests you.
she detests you for constantly correcting her english grammer and pronunciation in front of the class
you soon realize that you can actually gain and keep friends upon them finding out your mother's an actress
but by that time you've more or less forced yourself to lose your accent which makes communication a lot easier anyway.

that was the little girl charis,
now,
on top of that,
i can be a total biotch sometimes, towards people.
and don't tell me you aren't sometimes please.
but i try my very best not to bitch about people.
im a dangerous shopper(=
i never know what i want or need til i see it.

i don't like television.
now that's a first innit?HAH.
bet you never knew someone who didn't like tv
well i don't
and i'm not trying to be different and difficult
it's noisy and boring
i like music:)
i find eating a chore but i love snacking
figure that out
i find certain kinds of pain addictive,
no, i promise i'm still sane.

which is actually pretty remarkable for someone living here,
in this time and place
where you normally get loads of homework,
tests with questions that look like they're in foreign language,
and where everything's a competition to be the best,
the prettiest,
the most popular,
the most hated,
the thinnest,
the fattest, the coolest
the list goes on.
one shouldn't try to be something you're not,
but everyone knows that's easier said than done.
like duurh.