with |ove; me

Sunday, June 19, 2005

happy father's day to all daddy's out there .
those who didn screw around and leave the family for another that is.

i've been missing my father,
i called him today to wish him a happy father's day.
i ended up in tears though
and it was terribly hard to stop.
he said he hadn't called because he was angry with me when i referred to his new wife as
"your wife"
the last time i texted him.
ohh that,
and also that he wanted what he called "initiative"

so what about my little sister?
why'd she have to suffer cos of me?
i asked why he didnt call her if he was angry with me.
i mean,
it's my fault innit?
why does it have to be taken out on janice too?
she doesn't know shit,
and she still fucking defends my father left right and centre
so why?

and today,
i finally have to admit.
that my father must have loved us at some point in time,
but now

c'mon .
my own daddy don't fucking love me enough to call
so he comes up with stupid candy ass excuses and blames me.
his bloody car mantainance costs more than his two daughters.

my children sure as hell aint gonna get no daddy like that .

- xoxo
charis loves you
9:30 PM

Comments: Post a Comment

only yours baby

i'm charis vera Ng,
i'm NOT a Singaporean, i was born in UK
but i spent most of my four years in scotland
i love alastair(:
i'm doing my best to live for God though i often fail miserably

ok,try this:
you're this girl who's flown over to this country when you're no more than four years of age
you resent your dad for it,
and it doesn't help when things between your parents don't work out either.

so you miss your home terribly,
you miss going strawberry-picking,
you miss eating boiled eggs out of egg-cups
and you miss warm and cuddly Uncle John and Aunty Esther.

instead,
you find yourself forced to change
and adapt in a horribly hot place
where in primary school,
you meet cold,heartless little kids who ignore you and don't let you play "family"
just cos your accent is different.
early on,
you get weird looks and you find yourself going for recess breaks alone.
your classmates complain to the class teacher when you call them stupid
because they don't understand what to you is simple english.
but they leave you alone when you call them an imbecile
because they don't know what it means.
your primary 1 & 2 class teacher takes joy in complaining to your mummy
because she detests you.
she detests you for constantly correcting her english grammer and pronunciation in front of the class
you soon realize that you can actually gain and keep friends upon them finding out your mother's an actress
but by that time you've more or less forced yourself to lose your accent which makes communication a lot easier anyway.

that was the little girl charis,
now,
on top of that,
i can be a total biotch sometimes, towards people.
and don't tell me you aren't sometimes please.
but i try my very best not to bitch about people.
im a dangerous shopper(=
i never know what i want or need til i see it.

i don't like television.
now that's a first innit?HAH.
bet you never knew someone who didn't like tv
well i don't
and i'm not trying to be different and difficult
it's noisy and boring
i like music:)
i find eating a chore but i love snacking
figure that out
i find certain kinds of pain addictive,
no, i promise i'm still sane.

which is actually pretty remarkable for someone living here,
in this time and place
where you normally get loads of homework,
tests with questions that look like they're in foreign language,
and where everything's a competition to be the best,
the prettiest,
the most popular,
the most hated,
the thinnest,
the fattest, the coolest
the list goes on.
one shouldn't try to be something you're not,
but everyone knows that's easier said than done.
like duurh.